


Together or Not at All

by AntimonyAvenger



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fluff, Light Angst, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Not Canon Compliant, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Romance, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2020-03-08 03:11:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 81,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18886000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AntimonyAvenger/pseuds/AntimonyAvenger
Summary: Since Shield fell, Natasha and Steve were closer than ever. But when a rouge night of drunken games at the Avengers Tower changes their relationship, it opens a whole new world that neither of them could ever expect. And one neither of them are particularly inclined to tell anyone about.





	1. The Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I first started writing this it was after Age of Ultron, but I forgot about it until I found it again a few weeks ago after I watched Endgame. Because of that, I guess this is technically an AU, where they all live in the Avengers/Stark tower and everyone is alive and happy and everything’s okay. The characters from Agents of SHIELD will be in this so if you haven’t watched it (which you really should because it’s awesome) then you might be a bit confused, but they won’t be in it all the time. I also decided to write Daisy as Skye but she will still have powers because why not. I just want to bring a bit of Romanogers happiness to the world after the emotional rollercoaster that was Endgame. Anyway I hope you enjoy.

She woke up to the soft beeping of an alarm ringing out over the speakers. It was quiet, allowing her to get her bearings gradually as she woke up. Blinking slowly, she looked around, taking in her surroundings, noticing she was in her room at the tower. She was a bit disoriented at first, but quickly remembered that she had returned late last night after a finishing a month-long mission with Steve. She sat up groggily, shoving off the blanket she had found at some point, noticing she was still wearing her catsuit as she groaned, feeling the dirt and sweat still on her from the day before.

"Agent Romanoff, it is currently 8:30 and Mr Stark is demanding everyone to be downstairs at 10:00 for breakfast since you and the Captain are back in the country."

"Thanks J" she said. Living in the tower was great and she loved being around her friends and teammates, but one downside was having to be around Tony Stark 24/7 and his constant need for attention. She could've gotten up quickly, spending most of your life as a spy you got used to getting up at all sorts of hours but that didn't mean she liked it. Slowly, she eased herself out of bed, having a shower and getting dressed into jeans and an oversized sweater. She glanced at the clock, noticing she was already late and forwent drying her hair, throwing it up in a loose ponytail instead. Grabbing her phone, she hurriedly got in the elevator, thumbing through her messages, trying to catch up on everything she'd missed. She walked out, still staring at her phone, bumping into someone and falling over

"Sorry Natasha" Skye apologised quickly, offering her a hand up. She was Coulson's latest recruit to his team, but in their few encounters she knew she liked the girl. 

"No problem, it was my fault. What are you doing at the tower though? Last I checked you were in Paraguay" she asked confused

"We were in town and Stark invited us round to stay for a while, something about a party. But I was just coming to get you, Stark's getting angsty that you're late"

"Come on then. A hungry Tony is a moody Tony"

"I honestly don't know how you live with him" she laughed

"It's a challenge, not gonna lie" They got to the dining room a few minutes later, seeing a widespread of breakfast foods.

"Reeedddd, I told you to be here at 10" Tony whined

"Sorry Stark, some of us only got back 7 hours ago after a month of practically no sleep" she said, sitting down in the free chair next to Bruce

"Capsicle managed to get here on time"

"Yes, but he's a super soldier that only needs 6 hours of sleep" she quipped back

"Excuses, excuses"

"Ignore him. Coffee?" Steve asked, to which she nodded her head enthusiastically, taking the mug he was holding out for her. Black with no sugar, just the way she liked it in the morning.

"Thanks" she looked at the food on the table, only just noticing what looked like a goat's hoof on one end

"Why is there a hoof on the table?" she asked, confused

"I read online that Russians eat a llama hoof for breakfast on special occasions" Tony explained, being fully serious, causing everyone else to crack up into fits of laughter.

"I not even going to dignify that with a response"

This was going to be an interesting morning alright.

* * *

It all started fairly normally, well as normal as it could get with the Avengers and the best of SHIELD sitting around a dining table. There was idle chatter to start but as soon as they dug into the food, silence reigned over them as they devoured their food. They'd all learned from Thor and Cap in that respect. Besides, it was good food, minus the llama hoof which thankfully had been taken away at that point.

"So lil' red, do you have any idea when Katniss will be coming back? As much as we respect him for wanting to spend time with his family and all that crap but without him and Thor around there's no good people to get drunk with and have fun around here" Tony said from one end of the table.

"Tony" Pepper said in a disapproving tone

"Sorry Pep. But seriously though, any idea?"

"Sorry Stark, he'll be here when he decides the farm life is boring again. I'd give him a week" she told him, chuckling slightly at her best friend.

They continued chatting, talking with May and Coulson, reminiscing about the old days at SHIELD when a circle of light appeared in the center of the floor. As soon as it had appeared it disappeared, with Thor in the area that replaced it.

"Thor, buddy, what are you doing here?" Tony said whilst skipping up to him.

"What's going on? Is something wrong in Asgard?" Steve said. He always worried about everyone on the team, which was what made him such a good leader. She envied his ability to care about everyone and everything.

"Can I not visit my favourite Midgardians for no reason?" Thor replied

"Ignore them. It's great to see you Thor. How are you?" she said to him while Pepper tried to calm down a very over excited Tony.

"I'm brilliant, thank you Lady Natasha. Peace has fallen in Asgard once again so I can spend a lot more time here now"

"You should call Jane and tell her you're here. I'm sure she would be thrilled to see you" Pepper advised, she was very much the mother hen of the house.

"Good idea. Lady Natasha, would you mind as to call her for me? I would myself but this food looks delicious."

"I'm on it," she said to him. Since living in the tower she had become close with all the girls, especially Pepper, who was the only other girl living there permanently. She'd never had many friends throughout her life, and the majority of them were male, so it was nice being able to spend time with girls, getting wine drunk and watching trashy tv on their girls nights.

"Jane?"

"Natasha! Why are you calling me? Has something happened to the team? "Jane said hurriedly down the phone

"Calm down. Everything's fine. I was actually just calling to say that Thor has just arrived in the tower" she said calmly down the phone, bracing herself for the response.

"What! Really?" Jane sounded shocked

"Yeah, said that Asgard's at peace or something like that"

"HEY DARCY...do you wanna take a trip to New York?" she could hear murmuring through the phone

"So do you mind if we come over?" Jane asked her

"I'm sure Thor would love that. See you later" she said, hanging up and joining the table, pinching a strawberry off Steve's plate.

"There's an entire bowl over there Nat" he laughed, taking a piece of bacon off her

"Oh you're asking for it Rogers. Never take a girls bacon" she joked, stealing a piece of toast from him.

"But it's just so delicious, and the bacon's all the way over there" he mocked, licking his lips. The bacon was right next to her, causing her to roll her eyes fondly at him before looking back at everyone, glaring at Pepper's raised eyebrows

"What?" she asked, causing Pepper to laugh

"Oh nothing. You'll figure it out soon enough"

* * *

The rest of the day went off without a hitch as they spent it hanging out and catching up on all the things they missed when they weren't with each other. Jane and Darcy had joined them at some point, only having travelled down from Maine, but most of the day had been a blur, enjoying the jovial atmosphere. Tony had brought out the alcohol a few hours previously and they were all sitting in the main room when they heard the elevator ding, causing them all to turn around on instinct, Natasha already reaching for one of the many guns she had hidden around the tower, Thor reaching for Mjölnir, but they all instantly relaxed when they saw who it was.

"Legolas! Good to see you buddy" Tony all but yelled, running up to him like an excited child on Christmas.

"Woah Tony, calm down, I've only been gone 2 weeks" Clint replied, whilst wandering over to the couch and settling in a spot next to Natasha, stealing her beer.

"So, what are you doing?" he asked

"Well right now we're not doing much of anything" Natasha told him, taking Steve's beer from his hands to replace her stolen one. He rolled his eyes, getting up to find a new one.

"How's the fam?"

"Good, the kids miss you, it's been a while since you last came round"

"I know, but Fury has us out on missions non stop. I promise I'll come over when things settle down more at Shield" she intended to keep her promise, she loved those kids so much, and she hated it when she wasn't able to see them

"So, what's going on with you and Rogers?" he asked casually

"What d'you mean?"

"Come on Tash, I see the way you look at him. I'm not blind"

"You are deaf though" she joked. She knew Clint didn't mind being the butt of a joke, and he wasn't sensitive about his hearing.

"Hey, back off" he sometimes forgot that he was half deaf, the technology made for him by Shield, and then Tony was so good that he hardly noticed it the majority of the time

"Sorry. Seriously though, nothing's going on with us"

"Really?"

"Really. I don't like him like that. We're just friends"

"Incredibly close friends who flirt all the time"

"We do not flirt"

"Yes you do"

"Do not"

"Uh do too"

"What are you two bickering about?" Steve asked, sitting down next to them and passing her a fresh beer, causing Clint to chuckle

"Nothing" she answered way too quickly, causing him to narrow his eyes at her, but luckily Tony interrupted before he could ask another question

"I have an idea guys. Let's play a game of truth or dare!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is a two/three parter, I haven’t quite decided yet, but I’m not planning for that to be a theme. Anyway, please follow, favourite and review, constructive criticism is welcomed and appreciated. I hope you enjoyed!


	2. Truth or Dare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang plays truth or dare, and some unexpected secrets come out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the follows, favourites and reviews on the last chapter. It means so much to me But here we go with another chapter so I hope you enjoy

"Let's play a game of truth or dare!"

There was a collective groan that came from everyone in the room, they all knew how out of control Tony could get when drunk, and none of them wanted to deal with that.

"I do not understand. What is this truth or dare?" Thor questioned. Not growing up on Earth meant that he often didn't understand what they were on about.

"Yeah, I'm with Thor on this one. What is truth or dare?" Steve added, also confused having missed the last 70 years.

"Basically somebody will spin a bottle and ask the person it lands on truth or dare. If you pick truth you have to answer a question they ask you honestly and if you pick dare you have to complete a dare of someone else's choice" Tony explained, clearly very excited to start the game.

"I'm in, but how about we make it interesting" Natasha said

"What do you suggest red?" Tony asked her, clearly interested.

"Well how about every time you complete a truth or dare you take a shot and if you don't want to answer a question or don't complete a dare you take two shots. The more drunk you are, the less awful this stupid game is"

"I like your thinking, the more alcohol the better." Tony praised, running off to get some more bottles. They poured shots out and laid them all out on the coffee table ready to be drunk.

"I'll go first" Tony said spinning the bottle on the table, landing on Bruce

"Brucie, truth or dare"

"Truth" he answered, already downing his shot

"Okay...What's the best and worst place you've ever been?"

"Fiji was pretty cool, New Mexico was a little weird but it's way too hard to pick a single place really, I've been to so many," he told them. He spun the bottle and it landed on Clint

"Clint, truth or dare?"

"I'll go with dare"

"Okay then...I dare you to...use your confetti arrows and cover Starks lab in confetti" he couldn't even finish his sentence before Clint jumped up and ran towards the elevator, with Tony hot on his heels, yelling "Stand Down" and "Not the Lab!".

"Clint has confetti arrows?" Coulson asked

"Yeah, Tony made him some about a year ago so they could annoy us. It's really backfired on him now though" Bruce explained. 5 minutes later they both came back, covered in glitter, leaving a trail behind them.

"Tony! What have I told you about making a mess!" Pepper scolded

"Blame him! He's the one who did this to me!" he moaned pointing to Clint. At this, she couldn't help audibly laughing.

"What's so funny Natashalie?"

"Oh come on. Stop being so dramatic Stark. It's just a bit of glitter" she said to him almost playfully.

"I have glitter in places I didn't even know existed! It is not just a bit of glitter" he whined dramatically

"I'm so very sorry Stark. Are you five years old now or what?"

"STOP IT! Geez. Stop fighting guys." Clint stepped in, being the only one that she wouldn't kill after one second. "Should we continue the game?"

They both muttered "fine" under their breath and Clint spun the bottle, knowing a fight between Tony and Natasha was never a good idea "Right then, Skye, truth or dare?"

"Ummm...Dare"

"I dare you to kiss the next person the bottle lands on!" Clint said, laughing evilly.

"Really! Ughh! Fine, I'll do it" Skye groaned, although she wasn't really mad. She was sitting in a room full of incredibly attractive superheroes, she really couldn't be annoyed even if she tried. She spun the bottle and it landed on Thor. "Well that could've been worse" she whispered to Simmons whilst leaning over to Thor and giving him a peck on the lips. "Sorry Jane. Right Thor, truth or dare?"

"I will go with dare"

"I dare you to go to Asgard and get some mead so those party poopers over there can get drunk" she exclaimed while pointing over to May, Steve and Natasha.

"Hey, technically Nat and I can get drunk, it just takes a lot of alcohol," May said to her

"Well we need to speed up the process," Skye said back to her

"Your wish is my command Lady Skye," Thor said standing up "I will return soon" He spun his hammer and 5 seconds later he was gone.

"Seriously! We need to talk to Thor about doing that inside. It's a pain to get up" Tony complained

"How would you know? You never clean things up" Pepper responded

"I... Fine, you win this one" He said sulkily. Thor came back within five minutes, making another mess on the carpet, something Tony picked up on, and carrying Asgardian mead, something Tony also noticed. Thor came back to the couches, handing the mead to Skye who promptly poured 3 glasses and handed them to May, Steve, and Natasaha.

"Drink up you three" Skye demanded. When they didn't immediately drink, she started shaking the room "Alright, alright. Don't bring the tower down" May said to her and took a sip of her drink.

"Thor, your turn " Tony slurred slightly. Thor spun the bottle with a bit too much force almost breaking it in the process

"Lady Natasha, truth or dare?"

"Give me a dare"

"I do not have a good idea for a dare," Thor said after a while, asking for help

"I have a good one, let me help!" Tony practically screamed, moving over to Thor, tripping over the coffee table in the process, whispering suggestions in his ear.

"Lady Natasha, Brother Stark has suggested that I ask you if you and the Captain are dating"

"Stark! That's not even a dare" she said, ready to give him a slap, or maybe some bruised ribs

"You're only saying that cause you don't want to answer"

"We are not dating"

"Are you sure? Cause you and Capsicle are very friendly with each other"

"Stark, we are not together" Steve said

"Yeah you say that, but I'm really not convinced Tasha" Clint butted in

"Again Clint? I thought you knew me better" she said to him

"I mean it is a little hard to believe you're not dating," Coulson said "I mean you hardly took your eyes off each other on the Helicarrier when you first met"

"And at breakfast this morning" May added

"You can talk" she fired back, looking at May who blushed intensely

"I have no idea what you mean," Coulson said, raising an eyebrow

"Of course you don't" she muttered. She spun the bottle and it turned to face Stark. This was going to be excellent payback.

"Truth or Dare Stark"

"Give me a dare Natashalie"

"Right Stark, I dare you to sing a song of your choice and let us record it"

"It's on Lil Red," Tony said, getting up.

"JARVIS, please put on Wannabe by The Spice Girls" Tony demanded. The song started up and he launched into the song, singing every verse by heart.

"This is gonna be excellent blackmail for the future" she said once they had settled back down.

"You will not use this against me!" Tony squealed "Now let me have my turn," He said, spinning the bottle.

"Stevie! Truth or dare?"

"Dare I guess" Steve said to him, clearly very nervous about what was about to happen.

"I dare you to kiss Natashalie, on the lips, for a full minute!" Stark said, clapping his hands together, clearly very chuffed with himself.

"Really Stark?" Steve asked, keeping his cool despite the blush he felt rising through his cheeks.

"Yep, really, or are you too chicken? Are we gonna have to call you Captain Chicken from now on?" Tony taunted

"Nat? Are you okay with this?" Steve asked. He was such a gentleman always asking about others feelings and putting them over his own.

"Umm, sure I guess"

"Yay! Romanogers for life!"

"This doesn't mean we're dating Stark. It's a harmless kiss to fulfil a dare" she said, trying to make it as clear as possible. It's not like he would remember this tomorrow morning, in fact the only one who probably would is Bruce, being the only one who isn't fully drunk and she could live with that.

"Someone better tell us when that minute is up though" Steve said.

"Don't worry Steve, I'll tell you" Pepper assured and you could see him relax in his chair just slightly.

"Get on with it you two, we don't have all day" Tony moaned

"Alright, calm down Stark" she told him. She moved closer to Steve and leaned into him. He ducked his head and she could feel his lips pressing against hers. It was a little awkward at first but soon they melted into each other, his arm wrapping itself around her waist, her arms wrapping around his neck. She deepened the kiss, fighting the urge to moan, wanting the kiss to last forever.

"Okay guys, minutes up" They could hear Pepper's voice in the background as they opened their eyes and pulled away from each other. She didn't want to, kissing Steve made her feel something she hadn't felt in a long time, something she had supressed, but now she wanted nothing more than to kiss him forever.

Okay, that was new. She'd known that maybe her feelings for Steve were more than friendly, but she would never do anything about it. She couldn't risk their friendship, but one look at his face, his eyes full of lust did she let herself imagine what could be. She brought herself back down to reality, the faint blush on his cheeks was just the alcohol, and his dark eyes staring into her soul was just the side effects of not enough sleep.

"And you say you're not together" Fitz muttered. She tore her eyes away from Steve, distracting herself by drinking her beer, avoiding his stare and trying to focus on what else was happening

"Ahem, moving on. Coulson, truth or dare?" Steve asked, spinning the bottle

"Truth"

"On the day you died, were your trading cards actually in your jacket pocket?" Steve asked, and Coulson immediately turned a bright red.

"No, they we in my locker. Why would you think they were in my jacket?" Coulson said

"Damn you Fury" Tony muttered

"You've got to be kidding me" Steve said under his breath

"Can someone explain please?" Fitz asked

"Fury told us that his trading cards were in his jacket, there was blood on them, it brought us together" Tony explained

"There was blood on them?! No wonder I never got them back" Coulson exclaimed. He spun the bottle, this time landing on Bobbi

"Truth or dare Bobbi?"

"Truth"

"Can you play any instruments?"

"Yeah, I'm grade 7 on piano and flute and grade 6 on violin" she admitted, causing a chorus of shocked gasps.

"How did I not know that?" Hunter exclaimed

"You never asked, and I didn't think it was important" she shrugged

"Why can you play so many instruments?" Pepper asked  
"I had to go undercover as a music teacher a few years ago so I had to learn. I can't sing though, it's a disaster waiting to happen" she explained, spinning the bottle before landing on Simmons

"Truth or dare Jemma?" Bobbi asked

"Dare please" Simmons said

"How are you still polite when you're half drunk?" Tony asked

"I'm British" she explained

"Okay, I dare you to use a glitter bomb and drop it in the Iron Man room" Bobbi dared, causing everyone to laugh

"See you guys later" Simmons laughed, walking over to the elevator.

"What did you say?" Tony squealed

"Oh, nothing" Bobbi said casually

"Did you just say-?" Tony asked again, before getting up from his chair, almost tripping over in the process

"I have no idea what you're on about" Bobbi giggled

"You are just as bad as Legolas" he yelled, stumbling out the room. They returned 5 minutes later with Tony covered in even more glitter and complaining loudly.

"I hate you guys" he grumbled, trying to sweep off some glitter.

"It's your fault, you suggested the game" Simmons responded, following him, somehow free of glitter

"You know what people say about glitter don't you?" Clint asked, causing Tony to frown in concentration

"It's the herpes of arts and crafts" Darcy joked, taking a swig of beer. Simmons spun the bottle, landing on Steve.

"Truth or Dare"

"Dare" Steve replied

"I have no idea what to do, someone help" Simmons asked the gang.

"Dare him to take off his shirt" both Tony and Skye said at the same time. Steve cocked an eyebrow, but complied, laying his shirt on the back of the sofa. Everyone in the room stared at him for a second, even the men, and Natasha, well, she could barely keep her eyes of his perfectly sculpted chest. Steve quickly spun the bottle, trying to take the attention off him.

"Darcy, truth or dare?"

"Do you even have to ask?" Darcy joked

"Okay, I dare you to drink something that Clint has concocted" Clint immediately leaped up moving into the kitchen. They heard the clattering of jars and bottles until Clint emerged, holding a slimy brown liquid in a glass.

"That is rank Clint" Natasha moaned, pinching her nose.

"What's in that?" Darcy asked, taking the drink off him

"I'll tell you after you drink it, otherwise you won't drink it" Clint laughed. Darcy tentatively took a sip, gagging as she tried to swallow it.

"That is the worst thing I've ever tasted, what is it?" Darcy asked, coughing as she tried to swallow more

"A dash of milk, splash of vodka, bit of ketchup, mustard, gravy, I think I put a sardine in there, definitely a lot of beer and just a pinch of salt." Clint described, rubbing his hands together evilly. Darcy spun the bottle as they played more rounds until it was back to Natasha again as she spun the bottle.

"Truth or dare Clint?"

"What do you take me for? Dare"

"Okay, I dare you to call Fury"

"Uh oh"

"And tell him that you're in love with him, and always have been"

"Is that really a good idea?" Steve questioned

"Just think of it as payback"

"For what?" Clint asked

"Something you haven't done yet"

"Fine, pass me my phone" she threw his phone to him from the coffee table

"I really don't think this is a good idea Natasha" Coulson interjected

"I'm a grown ass man with a wife and kids. I can call my boss to tell him that I love him" Clint defended. Just hearing it out loud made Natasha think that maybe she had made a mistake, and Clint was already dialling

"Stop, Clint. Don't call him" she tried to get the phone out of his hand, but the line crackled before she could get to it

"Barton?"

"Hey Nick" this was a bad idea, a really bad idea

"Don't call me Nick"

"Got it Nicholas. Nicky. Fury"

"Is that his idea of flirting?" Steve asked to no one in particular

"What do you want Barton?"

"I just wanted to say that I love you Nicholas J Fury. With all my heart"

"You're drunk"

"I LOVE YOU!" he screamed into the phone

"I'm hanging up now"

"YOU'RE BREAKING MY HE- He hung up"

"I've gotta give it to you Legolas. You really committed"

"Think I'll still have a job tomorrow?" Clint asked tentatively

"We've done way worse" Clint spun the bottle, watching as it spun around until it landed on Natasha

"Shit"

"Revenge will be mine"

"Shut up"

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare, and make it a good one"

"Put on Steve's shirt"

"That doesn't seem that bad" she interrupted, grabbing his shirt of the sofa

"And only his shirt" he finished

"Underwear?" she questioned

"Of course, I'm not an animal" Clint said. She left the room to change, coming back in Steve's shirt and sitting back down on the sofa. She had left her fluffy socks on though, causing her to slide around slightly on the floor boards.

"Oh you are so incredibly cool" Clint mocked

"And yet somehow incredibly sexy" Skye said before thinking, blushing wildly when she realised what she'd said

"I'll say" Steve added, eyes widening as he heard the words come out of his mouth

"Okay soldier, I think you've had too much to drink" she took his glass off him, downing the rest of it before putting it down on the table, spinning the bottle as she did

"Okay Tony tru- Oi!" she started speaking before Steve stole her beer off her

"Give me a dare" Tony yelled slightly, obviously very drunk

"I didn't really even ask you but okay, I dare you to…"

They continued playing into the early hours of the morning until everyone fell asleep. She was asleep on the couch when she felt arms reach underneath her and pick her up. She opened her eyes just enough to see Steve holding her easily, making his way towards the elevator.

"Steve?" she said groggily

"Hey Nat. Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you" he whispered

"Where are we going?" she said sleepily

"To your room"

"Hey Steve?" she wanted to talk about their kiss

"Yeah Nat" he was half drunk, sleepy, and a bit out of it. Now was the perfect time, if he didn't feel the same way, he would probably forget it by morning. But if he did, which was extremely unlikely, then she could remind him in the morning

"I…nothing" she was a chicken, and she hated herself.

"Okay Nat" they got to her room, with her slipping in and out of sleep. He laid her on the bed, pulling the covers over her before kissing her forehead quickly and going to leave

"Stay" she wasn't sure why she said it, but in her tired, drunken stupor it seemed like the right thing to say. She expected him to reject her offer, but instead he climbed onto the bed, lying down next to her.

"Budge over" he said back to her, getting under the covers. It was awkward at first, but she snuggled close to him, cherishing his body heat. He eventually turned over, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her closer to him, relaxing around her body.

"Goodnight Natasha" he mumbled into her hair

"Night Steve"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I’ll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated


	3. The Next Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The repercussions of the previous night weigh on Steve and Natasha, and a decision needs to be made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for all the follows so far. They really make my day. Here’s the third and final part of this truth and dare bit before we move onto different stuff. I hope you enjoy!

The next morning, she woke up cradled in someone's arms. Last night was a little hazy and she couldn't remember anything past kissing Steve – shit. She kissed Steve. She was pretty sure that wasn't meant to happen. It was just a little crush she would get over, nothing would be different because of it. In fact, she didn't want anything to be different, it would just make everything more complicated, especially as he definitely didn't feel the same. She rolled onto her other side to face the person holding her to see it was Steve, and that she was currently using his chest as a pillow. What on earth happened last night? She couldn't remember the last time she couldn't recall the previous night. She really must have drunk a lot. She lifted the covers slightly and looked beneath them, they weren't naked thank god, but she was wearing a man's shirt, Steve's she presumed. She tried to extract herself from his arms, hopefully she could escape before he woke up to avoid that awkward conversation when Steve stirred next to her and opened his eyes, squinting at the bright light coming through the windows, they clearly hadn't had enough common sense to close the curtains the night before.

"Natasha?" he mumbled, burying his face in his arm

"Hey" she said, trying to keep it casual between them, although she feared she was failing miserably. They fell into an awkward silence, both sitting up against the headboard.

"How'd you sleep?" she finally asked after some time.

"Good, how about you?"

"Slept like a dog"

"That's not the saying" he pointed out, chuckling slightly

"Alright smarty pants"

"Did we ummm….Well, did we y'know?" he asked eventually

"I don't think so"

"Oh, okay"

"Why? You disappointed Rogers?"

"Nope, that would be weird" he replied way to quickly "You're my friend, not that you're not attractive because you very clearly are, not that I stare or anything creepy like that" he started rambling

"Just stop Steve, I understand" she couldn't help but feel her heart sink at his words, but she was hardly surprised. She wasn't the type of person Captain America would be interested in.

"That's not…I didn't mean it like that Nat" he thought he saw her face fall slightly at his previous words, but he knew he must've been reading into it. There was no way she liked him back, she wasn't into all that relationship rubbish as she put it.

"How did you mean it?" she asked, confused at his statement. He wasn't sure how to answer, wasn't sure how to properly put into words how he felt.

"Do you regret it?" he said instead

"Regret what?"

"Us kissing"

"Steve, that was just a stupid dare. It didn't mean anything" she brushed off quickly

"What if it did?" he posed

"What are you trying to say?" she didn't want to believe it, she didn't want that hope only to lose it

"I'll never regret kissing you Natasha"

"Really?" she replied, dumbfounded. She had been trained for many different things, but this, this was something she was totally unprepared for and it scared her.

"Yeah, but I understand you don't feel the same way, I know you're not into that whole relationship stuff. Nothing has to change between us. In fact, forget I ever said anything" If only he knew how untrue that statement was, how much she wanted that with him. But she could never tell him, she valued their friendship too much. It was just physical attraction, but goddammit the way his muscles rippled as he moved made her want to kiss him senseless.

"Shut up you moron" she threw caution to the wind, giving into her impulses and grabbing his face, kissing him hard. She felt him tense under her touch, and she started to pull away, already thinking of excuses when he pulled her back to him, shifting her so she was sitting on his lap, kissing back with as much fervour.

"So that was-" he said, as she pulled away for air

"Yeah" she whispered, her forehead resting against his

"What does all this mean Nat?"

"I don't know. I mean it's not like I'm not attracted to you, I mean look at you, you're a specimen, you're nice too, I mean I don't just like you because of your looks…" she said hurriedly before Steve cut her off

"Nat. Calm down. Are you trying to say that you like me? Because I think that kiss did most of the talking for you"

"Yeah, uh, I guess I am" she said. She glanced down at him, biting her lip subconsciously. She hadn't been this flustered because of a guy since- actually ever. Before she could comprehend what was happening his hands were gripping her hair, pulling her down to meet his lips hungrily.

"You're a really good kisser Steve" she panted between kisses

"I have a great partner" he joked

"Captain Rogers, Agent Romanoff, it would seem the rest of your teammates are starting to wake downstairs, I would highly advise you make some coffee" Jarvis butted in.

"Speaking of the team, are we gonna tell them?" she asked

"Unless you desperately want to, I don't think so, at least not for the time being. They'll find out eventually but I don't think I could deal with Stark while we're still trying to figure this out. Whatever this is" he said, hoping she was on the same page.

"Agreed" she quickly glanced over to the clock, seeing that it was 9am and much later than she and Steve were usually up.

"Jarvis is right, we should go down and make sure none of them are dead"

"Good idea" he said getting up off the bed but not before giving her a peck on the lips "I'll go back to my floor and get changed"

"Okay, good luck. I know you're not very good at lying but just play it cool if someone sees you"

"Hey!"

"I know, but it's the truth Steve" she replied playfully

"Ha Ha Ha. Bye Nat" he said sarcastically.

"Bye Steve" He left the room and she collapsed onto the bed with a sigh. That could've gone a lot worse. In fact, it actually went pretty well.

"One more thing" Steve said, running back into her room, throwing himself next to her on the bed and kissing her once more firmly before leaving again. She muffled a squeal with her hands, unable to hide her grin.

* * *

20 minutes later she walked into the kitchen to find Steve cooking pancakes.

"Hey" she said while walking over to him and giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"Morning. I made coffee" he said, turning to face her and kissing her properly before handing her a mug

"I love you" her eyes widened at the reality of what she just said

"I didn't…I mean not like that, I just really like coffee" she stuttered her way through her sentence, hiding her face behind the mug.

"It's okay Nat. From now on, I won't consider you mean it like that when coffee's involved" he said, kissing her gently. She wandered over to the kettle and filled it up with water to hide her blush from Steve.

"Awww, you're cute when you blush" he laughed, brushing his hand against her hip as he reached to get a spatula. At that moment FitzSimmons walked in and sat at the island, causing them to jerk away from each other

"Morning guys. Tea?"

"Please" Simmons replied

"Fitz?" she asked, despite the fact she was already pouring him a cup

"Yeah thanks" he said, almost grabbing the mug out her hand as she gave them the mugs, pouring herself another cup of coffee and perching on the island

"You two sleep well?" Steve asked, not taking his eye off the frying pan

"I've had better, but you haven't been on the base during karaoke night" Simmons laughed, taking a sip of her tea.

"Coulson is a surprisingly bad singer" Fitz added

"Tell me about it" Steve laughed

"Although Hunter isn't as bad as we all thought he would be" Simmons said

"Do you want some pancakes guys? I've got some spare" Steve offered

"Only if there are some left" Simmons said

"Even Steve can't eat that many pancakes, there's tons there" she laughed

"Hey Nat, can you get the syrup?" Steve asked. She rummaged around in the cupboards until she found an empty maple syrup bottle.

"Really? I need to train you boys to throw away empty bottles" she joked.

"I know right! I don't think Hunter even knows where the bin is!" Simmons joked back. She looked back into the cupboard and after a couple of minutes she returned with a new bottle, throwing it to Steve. He put the finished pancakes on the counter, placing the syrup next to them and they all dug in, talking about nothing in particular. Whilst they were eating Pepper walked in, got a cup of coffee and walked out, saying she was going to the office and that she'd see them later. They finished their breakfasts and FitzSimmons got up saying they were going to one of the labs in the tower when Coulson walked in.

"Morning Sir. Sleep well?" Simmons said chirpily as they headed out the door.

"Yes thanks. Can you guys wake up the rest of the team, we've been called in for a mission. Get everyone on the bus in 10" Coulson replied, walking to the coffee pot.

"Yes Sir. I'll get Skye and Bobbi" "I'll get Hunter and Mack" FitzSimmons said at the same time

"Rock paper scissors?" Simmons asked

"Yep" Fitz replied to her.

"Rock Paper Scissors" Simmons held out paper and Fitz held out rock

"Damn" Fitz practically yelled

"Sorry guys but what are you playing rock paper scissors for?" Steve asked. She was glad he was confused as well as she had no idea what was going on.

"Oh. Neither of us want to wake May, she gets very violent when she's woken up before she wants to" Simmons explained. She already knew that, having spent many missions with the woman.

"Fitz, today is your lucky day. I'll wake Melinda up" she said to them.

"Why on earth would you want to do that?" Fitz asked, dumbfounded

"Because it's fun. You might want to wake up the team first though. I think they'll want to see what's about to happen" she said walking over to the cabinet and getting a jug. FitzSimmons walked through the door to wake the team while she looked in the freezer.

"Nat? What are you doing?" Steve asked her as she finally found the ice cubes and pulled them out

"Just having a bit of fun. It's been a while since I managed to mess with Mel" she said to him putting the ice cubes on the jug and pouring some water in it. At that point the rest of Coulson's team wandered into the kitchen, all making a beeline for the coffee. Once they all managed to get some coffee they walked over to the couch where May was sleeping.

"Hey Natasha, what exactly are we doing?" Skye asked, everybody else nodding along.

"Hey Steve, can you hold down Mel's arms" she asked, picking up the jar of ice cold water. Steve knew to just play along so held down May's arms, as well as her legs, knowing that she was just as deadly with her legs as she was with her arms, if not more. She stood by May's head and without warning poured the entire contents of the jug on her head. She jerked awake, bolting upright.

"What the fuck Nat! Why on earth would you do that? And why the fuck is Steve holding my legs and arms down" yelled May. Okay, maybe she was a little mad. Steve quickly let go of her arms and legs.

"Sorry Mel but Phil wants everyone on the bus in 5" she explained

"Okay… but why did you think you should wake me up like this?!" May exclaimed

"I thought it would be fun" she laughed

"You know May, we're never gonna let you live this one down." Skye said in between laughs. Somehow the racket they were making hadn't managed to wake anybody else up. They were truly dead to the world. At this point Coulson walked into the room to see what all the fuss was about.

"What on earth is going on in here? And why is May soaking wet?" Coulson asked

"Ask Tasha" May grumbled, walking out of the room

"Ahhh, you finally got her back for Tunisia." Coulson said, understanding what was happening

"What happened in Tunisia?" Hunter asked. The three of them exchanged glances

"It's classified"

"Damn!" Hunter exclaimed, along with Skye and Mack

"Come on you guys, hurry up and get on the bus. We need to get to Australia within the day" Coulson said, walking towards the elevator, pressing the down button to go to the hanger hidden under the tower.

"Ughh, I wish we could stay here" Skye moaned

"I know. We'll be forced to sleep on the bus and there aren't enough bunks for all of us" Bobbi grumbled

"And it won't just be for the flight, we'll be stuck there for ages and then have to come back" Hunter added

"Come on guys. You know what Coulson gets like when he's angry" Simmons said

"I imagine it's not like me" Bruce said, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he woke up

"Nope, it more like the 'I'm very disappointed' mad" Skye said.

"Let's go. We'll see you guys soon" Bobbi said, pushing Skye and Hunter towards the elevator. Mack and FitzSimmons followed, all piling into it and waving goodbye.

"I'm gonna miss those guys, they're a lot of fun" Steve said walking back into the kitchen. Natasha and Bruce followed, Bruce pouring himself a bowl of cereal and sitting down at the island. She joined Steve at the sink, washing up the dishes from earlier. They stood in comfortable silence when Clint stumbled in.

"Why the fuck does my head hurt this much?" Clint groaned.

"You got a little drunk last night Clint" she explained patting him on the shoulder.

"Owww Nat. And only a little drunk? I feel like my kids have run me over with a tractor while crashing symbols together" Clint complained, rubbing his forehead with his hand. She passed him a cup of coffee which he happily accepted, gulping down the hot liquid.

"You were wasted Clint, completely and utterly wasted"

"I didn't do anything stupid did I?" he asked, clearly remembering that the last time he was drunk he couldn't remember what happened.

"Clint, you were drunk, of course you did stupid things" she said making him sigh and plop down onto a barstool.

"Things? As in plural?"

"Yes Clint, things. Things that are recorded and will be used against you in the future" she said, faking an evil laugh and rubbing her hands together.

"Seriously? Steve, I know you'll tell me the truth, how bad was I?" he asked Steve

"You weren't as bad as Tony" he said, thinking back to the night before.

"Speak of the devil" Bruce said as Tony walked in

"Why does my head hurt this fucking much?" Tony groaned, stumbling towards the coffee pot.

"Deja Vu anyone?" Bruce asked them.

"Brucie, we talked about this, no Latin before lunch" Stark complained

"If you had it your way there'd be no Latin ever" she quipped.

"You know, I do remember one thing from last night" Tony said, gulping down his coffee.

"You sky diving while singing 'I believe I can fly'?" Clint suggested

"I did that?" Tony asked, shocked

"Yeah, Pepper was pissed" Steve told him

"I'm going to pay for that later aren't I?" he sighed

"Actually, she already got you back" Bruce informed him

"What?! No, I was actually going to say is I remember Capsicle and Natashalie kissing" he said. They immediately moved away from each other, probably too close to defend their cause.

"Yeah, and you'll remember us telling you nothing is going on" Steve said, his voice slightly inclining at the end, a sign that he was lying.

"No, no, I don't recall that happening" Stark giggled

"Of course you don't" she sighed, rolling her eyes

"Go take a shower Tony, you stink of alcohol" Bruce told him.

"Plus, I think Nat's about to strangle you" Steve added

"Okay, I'm going" Tony conceded, setting down his mug on the table and leaving the room. Just as he walked out Thor, Jane and Darcy walked in.

"MORNING FRIENDS" Thor boomed as Jane and Darcy reached for some coffee.

"Not so loud" Clint groaned, massaging his temples

"Remember what we told you about inside voices?" Jane said, sitting down on a barstool.

"Sorry" he winced, "I forgot" Bruce rummaged around in the cupboards and came out with a box of pop tarts and threw it over to Thor.

"Thank you, Brother Green," Thor said, walking over to the toaster

"Brother Green?" Bruce asked, confused by the new name

"Yes, last night Brother Stark said I should call you that for a week" Thor explained

"Great" Bruce muttered under his breath.

"Bruce, do you mind if I go down to one of the labs? I've been dying to take a look at something that I can't access from home" Jane asked

"Sure, go ahead" Bruce said kindly

"Come on Darcy" Jane said, pulling Darcy by the hand.

"I will go with you" Thor said, getting up and leaving with Jane and Darcy. Suddenly Natasha's phone rang on the counter.

"Yes?" she asked down the phone.  
"Wonder who's calling" Steve asked to no one in particular

"Actually, that's a good question. Who does she know that's not in this room?" Clint asked

"Pepper, Laura, and people from SHIELD" Steve said.

"I doubt it would be Laura." Clint noted

"We'll be there in 10" Natasha said, breaking up their conversation and hanging up the phone.

"Who was that?" Steve asked.

"Fury. You better get in the shower quick Clint, he wants us at base in ten. Oh, and he says that if you ever drunk dial him again he's reassigning you to desk duty" she told him

"What the hell did I do?"

"I'm afraid that's classified, now go" she laughed, pointing towards the door

"Okay, I'm going" Clint said, running out the room, tripping over his own feet as he went.

"You'd think for a super spy, he'd have better balance" Steve joked

"You would think wouldn't you" Bruce agreed.

"Oh god, we have to take a hungover Clint on a mission again. I really hoped last time would be the last time we had to do that" she moaned

"I remember that, that was one of the worse missions we've been on so far" Steve said, putting their mugs in the sink

"Oh Steve, you have no idea what the idea of a bad mission is" she laughed, patting him on the shoulder

"Come on, we have somewhere to be" Steve said, grabbing her hand and leading her out the room. They walked into the elevator and the doors closed, leaving them alone.

"Come here" she said, pulling him closer to herself.

"Happily" he responded, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her softly.

"You know, it took all my self-restraint to not kiss you in there" she told him

"I can believe that" he said, kissing her again.

"This is gonna be tough, keeping this secret" she said, pulling away slightly

"I know, but we're going to make this work. It'll all be worth it in the end" he reassured her.

"You're right. Why are you always right?" she asked him, pecking him on the lips.

"I'm 100 years old Nat, I know stuff" he laughed.

"Does being frozen in ice for 70 years really count?" she joked back playfully.

"I don't know, and I don't really care" he admitted

"Me either" The doors opened and they pulled apart.

"Come on, let's get this mission over and done with"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I’ll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated


	4. Subtly is Key

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All Steve and Natasha want is each other, but people keep getting in the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I’m not entirely happy with the way this chapter worked out, but no matter how many times I changed and rewrote this I just couldn’t get it to read the way I wanted. Anyway, I hope you enjoy despite all that!

It had been two weeks. Two weeks of sleeping in the same bed without actually sleeping with each other. And Natasha was happy to wait. It was important to Steve, so it was important to her. They didn't want to rush into anything, didn't want to risk the chance of completely destroying their friendship, but god she was horny. Steve wasn't a prude, he'd had sex before, but it was much harder to shake his forties conditioning than she thought it'd be. And she'd tried. Really hard. She'd started wearing less and less clothes, all the time. At this point, she was practically walking around his floor naked, save for some underwear. Even around the other Avengers she'd wear lower and lower cut tops, hoping he'd pick up on her signs. But either she was being incredibly subtle, or he wasn't interested. She really hoped it was the former.

"Jesus Christ Natasha. Put some clothes on" Clint exclaimed from the kitchen. Her latest outfit was the worst yet. She was wearing a black lacy bodysuit, paired with some very tight black jeans and not much else. She just wanted to sleep with her boyfriend, was that too much to ask?

"Is there a problem Clinton?" she asked innocently, eating a piece of toast

"No, no problem. You look very nice" he stuttered. He didn't know where to look, so he focused on his cup of coffee

"Good, I wouldn't want to make anyone uncomfortable"

"Morning Clint, morning Na-" Steve said, cutting himself off when he saw her

"Morning Steve. Enjoy your run?" she was now eating a banana

"Yeah, is everything okay Nat?" he noticed her clothes, of course he did. He noticed everything about her

"Of course, why wouldn't it be?" she replied, emphasising her biting the banana. Clint was eyeing them curiously, trying to figure out what was going on.

"No reason" his voice cracked slightly as he said it, turning away from her to get a glass of water. He tried to distract himself as they ate breakfast, but the task was proving difficult given Natasha's…well, her state of undress.

"I'll do the dishes" she announced when they were done, reaching over him to get Clint's plate, her free hand brushing over his ass.

"Thanks" Clint said as she walked to the sink. Steve didn't fail to notice the way she swayed her hips or the way her breasts bounced ever so slightly with each step. He shook his head, trying to clear his less than inappropriate thoughts.

"Steve? STEVE!" he hadn't even realised he'd drifted out of the conversation until her voice pierced through his thoughts.

"Sorry. What d'you say?"

"I asked if you wanted any more food" she licked her lips lightly, biting her cheek. He couldn't take it anymore, her constant teasing and flirting. She was impossible to resist.

"Natasha" he almost growled, getting up quickly, causing both her and Clint to jump. He grabbed her hand, all but dragging her out the room, shoving her against the corridor wall.

"What the hell are you wearing?"

"I'm experimenting Rogers. Do you like it?" she pressed her body against him, her mouth inches away from his

"It's…it's different" he was nervous, and not just because of her close proximity. She didn't respond, only closing the small gap between them and pressing her lips to his.

"Nat?"

"It's been long enough. I want you Steve" she kissed him with more vigour, and it took all his energy to pull back from her.

"Natasha"

"Look, if you're not attracted to me just tell me and we can forget this ever happened" she pulled away from him, leaning against the wall and crossing her arms

"You think I'm not attracted to you?" his brow furrowed in confusion

"Well…I just thought that…yeah, basically"

"That's ridiculous, why'd you think that?"

"You've shown no signs of wanting to be with me like that, despite all my best efforts"

"I didn't want to pressure you into doing something too soon" he defended

"Really?" she wasn't used to that. No man had ever considered her feelings towards sex before, and it made her feel appreciated, but that was Steve in a nutshell.

"Really. D'you know how much self restraint it's taken not to pin you against every wall I see and kiss you senseless?"

"I think you better show me" she whispered into his ear, kissing his lobe lightly. He brought her face round to kiss her lips, pinning her arms above her head. She kissed down his neck, biting and sucking at the exposed skin

"Natasha" he said sternly, causing her to stop

"What now?" she was getting annoyed now. She gotten this far, she sure as hell wasn't going to give up.

"Not here" he took her hand, leading her towards the elevator, capturing her lips once again as the doors started to close

"HOLD THE DOOR!" Tony yelled, racing around the corner and sliding into the elevator. They had already jerked away from each other, leaning on opposite sides of the walls.

"Rogers, just the man I was looking for. I've got some new tech that I need you to try out"

"Great, I'll do it later"

"Just do it now, means I can start adaptations earlier"

"I have plans" he looked at Natasha, who was currently fiddling with the waistband of her jeans

"Doing what?" she looked up at Steve, glaring at him. If he told Tony their plans she would have to kill him, and then Tony, and then Steve again

"Just boring plans"

"Like what?"

"Oh, ummm…" he looked over to Natasha, desperate for help, but she simply shrugged and rolled her eyes.

"Great, come on then" Tony said before he could make something up. The doors opened and Tony dragged him out. He looked over his shoulder, mouthing 'I'm sorry' before he was pulled into Tony's lab. She sighed, burying her face in her hands. So close and yet still so far. She punched the button for her floor, deciding the best course of action was a very, very cold shower.

* * *

"Nat?" Steve called out through the apartment. He came straight back to her floor after finishing with Tony, but he couldn't hear any signs of life. He was just about to leave after getting no response when he heard light footsteps, getting louder as she ran round the corner and jumped into his arms. He caught her on instinct, caught off guard as she started kissing him, roughly and desperately. He stumbled the few steps towards the bed, throwing her onto it. She squealed slightly, giggling as he jumped onto her carefully, cupping her face and kissing her.

"Steve" she moaned into his mouth, yanking on his hair roughly. He tore his mouth off hers briefly, kissing down her neck, sucking and biting lightly on her pulse point. She whimpered in response, tangling her hands in his hair, bringing his mouth back up to meet hers.

"Too, many, clothes" he breathed, breaking away from her, pulling his shirt over his head. She stared for a minute, watching his muscles ripple as he attacked her mouth again, tearing away the shirt she was wearing. She flipped him over so she was sitting on him, leaning over and kissing him senseless. A phone started ringing in the background, piecing through the silence apart from heaving breaths

"Ignore it" she mumbled, kissing along his jawline, pulling her top over her head and throwing it across the room.

"That's your Shield ringtone" he panted as she nibbled at his earlobe

"I don't care" this seemed to spur him on even more, flipping her over so he was back on top, pressing her into the bed, pinning her arms behind her head.

"We should answer" he mumbled, although not stopping his ministrations, letting his finger toy with the top of her waistband

"I can think of something else I'd much rather do"

"Hmmmm, I like your thinking Miss Romanoff" she kissed him quickly before flipping him over and crawling down the bed, pulling his trousers off and throwing it across the room. She peppered kisses along his chest, working her back up to his face, kissing at the sensitive skin on his neck. He brought her lips to his, flipping her back over in the constant fight for dominance. He helped her as she wiggled out of her jeans, not breaking away from her. Just as he'd worked them off, there was an insistent pounding on the door, effectively killing the mood they'd fought so hard to get.

"For shits sake" she hissed in annoyance as Steve rolled off her, collapsing at her side.

"Whoever that is, I'm gonna kill them" Steve grumbled, running his fingers through her hair gently

"Natasha!" Clint yelled through the door. She got up, marching towards the door angrily, poking her head around it

"What the hell do you want Clint?" she said angrily

"We're needed for a mission, and you're not answering your phone. Fury's pissed off"

"I'm going to kill you" she muttered, running a hand through her hair

"Are you having sex in there?" she wasn't sure what tipped him off. Maybe the fact she was out of breath, or her dishevelled hair, or the fact she was clearly only wearing underwear.

"Yes I am Clint, and I really don't appreciate being interrupted"

"Who is it?" he asked, trying to peer around the doorframe

"None of your concern, besides, you don't know him" she snapped, pushing his head back

"Alright, sorry I asked. But you better finish quickly, I don't think Fury will take kindly to this excuse"

"Alright alright, give me five minutes"

"Five minutes?" he asked, raising his eyebrows

"Oh shut up. You killed the mood Clinton" she slammed the door in his face before returning to the bed, wrapping herself around Steve

"To be continued" she said, kissing him gently before getting up.

"I'll be here"

* * *

2 days later and no progress had been made on the sex front. And they'd tried hard. Every moment of free time they had was spent together, and yet every time they came remotely close, they would get interrupted. Needless to say they were both extremely on edge.

"Stop dicking around Stark" Natasha grumbled over the comms

"Just get into the compound and stop messing about" Steve added

"I thought his joke wasn't that bad"

"Thanks birdbrain"

"Can you two just take a chill pill? Relax a bit"

"We're in the middle of a warzone. I don't think relaxing is going to do us any good"

"Why are the pair of you so grumpy?"

"I'm not grumpy" the both replied at the same time

"Can we just all do our damn jobs and stop being stupid" that seemed to shut them up for the time being, only talking when they wanted updates from each other.

"How are we looking?"

"I've taken out everyone I can see"

"Same"

"I think it's time for a lullaby"

"I'm on it" she replied, going off in search to find the Hulk. At one point, before they were even dating Steve was jealous of the bond she had with Bruce. Now he knew it was the mutual trust they shared that allowed her to get close to the Hulk, and that the lullaby was the result of that.

She found the Hulk pulling trees out the ground, ripping them open and throwing them across the woods.

"Hey big guy" her soft voice drew his attention

"Sun's getting real low" The Hulk approached her cautiously, cocking his head when she extended her arm to him. He grabbed it, squeezing it under his grip, causing pain to shoot up her arm. She ignored it, using her other hand to gently stroke his much bigger one, before eventually prying it off her.

"You're good now. You're safe" he staggered off, slowing morphing back into Bruce.

"Thanks" he grumbled, face down in the dirt

"No problem. Come on" she offered him a hand up, hauling him off the ground and helping him back to the quinjet

"I didn't hurt you did I?" he asked, noticing she was rubbing her arm

"Nah, it's just a bruise. No harm done" she assured him, throwing him a blanket. She joined Clint in the co pilots seat, pulling a baggy jumper over her suit.

"Okay, what's up with you?" Clint asked, because of course he did

"Nothing" he would call her out on her bullshit, but she tried anyway

"Bull" she grinned smugly to herself, glad she could still predict what he was going to say

"Look, it's not something I particularly want to talk about with you" she snapped. He didn't press the matter any further, and the trip back was silent as they all recovered from the fight.

* * *

They touched down 4 hours later, and she was tired but goddammit she was going to have sex with Steve Rogers even if it killed her.

"I'm going to bed. If anyone interrupts me, I will kill them, world threatening event be damned" she threatened, stalking out of the lobby. She gave him a subtle wink as she walked away, smiling mischievously

"Got it. Don't wake the spider"

"It's appreciated" she called back as she rounded a corner to the elevators

"I need a drink" Clint said, walking towards the bar

"Count me in. Steve? Bruce?" Tony asked

"I could go for a drink" Bruce replied, sitting down on a bar stool and grabbing a beer

"Actually, I think I'm gonna head to sleep as well. It's been a long day" of course he wasn't planning on sleeping, especially if Natasha had anything to do with it.

"Party pooper" he simply left the boys to their drinking, jumping when Natasha leaped out at him around the corner, jumping into his arms

"Jesus Christ Nat. You terrified me" he caught her all the same though.

"Sorry" she winced "That wasn't my original intention" somehow she managed to change the tone instantly, whispering in his ear

"Oh yeah? What was your original intention" he played dumb, playing her game

"Well, I was thinking you could carry me upstairs"

"And then?"

"And then we could ruin over friendship for good"

"I like that idea" he reached out to press the button for the elevator

"Hmmmm" she kissed him gently, adjusting her grip on him. She winced slightly as she moved her arm, causing him to frown into her mouth

"Is your arm okay?"

"Yeah, it's just sore. Luckily, I wont need it for what I have planned"

"You are unbelievable" he chuckled slightly, walking into her room. He kissed her softly, pressing her close to his body as he placed her down on the floor by the end of the bed, pulling back slightly and looking deep into her eyes.

"You sure you're ready to do this?"

"I've never been more sure of anything"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I’ll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated


	5. Alone at Last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Natasha get careless, and someone finds out their secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the support so far! It really makes my day seeing comments and kudos on this story. It’s like my little baby that I’ve been working on for so long and it gives me a real sense of accomplishment that people are enjoying it. I hope you enjoy the latest chapter!

"So, we've got the tower all to ourselves, what do you want to do?" Natasha asked, lying back on the bed. Clint was at the farm, Bruce had decided to take a holiday and Pepper had dragged Tony down to Malibu to sign some paperwork for Stark Industries.

"I think we need to deface the tower" Steve laughed, throwing his wet towel at her

"Hey!" she squealed, chucking the towel back to him

"Okay, but seriously, what do you want to do?" he asked, hanging the towel on the bathroom door

"I think we explore our new-found freedom" she said, sitting up and crossing her legs

"Hmmm, I like the sound of that" she eagerly met his lips as he bent over to kiss her, wrapping her arms around his stomach. She rested his forehead on hers, his eyes drifting downwards, dipping into her cleavage

"Eyes up Soldier" she laughed, kissing him softly

"I could say the same for you" he wasn't wrong. He'd just gotten out of the shower and the water glistened on his perfectly sculpted chest. He still took her breath away at the sheer perfection of his body.

"So what's your plan" he finally dragged himself away from her, pulling on a t-shirt and snapping her out of her fantasies.

"We should make lunch" she said the first thing that came to mind.

"And how is that any different to what we've been doing for the last month?"

"We're going to do it in the main kitchen" she told him, taking his hand and leading him out his room

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Steve asked her hesitantly

"Every idea I have is a good idea"

"Half of your ideas are bad" he pointed out

"Technicalities" she shrugged

"I'll remember that the next time you have a bad idea"

"So you're admitting this is a good idea" She could see Steve trying to form and argument but he stayed silent, knowing he couldn't win.

"Come on, I'm hungry" she laughed, rolling her eyes

* * *

"So when you said we should make lunch, you meant I would make lunch and you would sit there" Steve asked as he cut up some carrots

"Hey, I'm helping" she said, stirring the pasta limply from where she was sat on the countertop crossed legged

"You're not making sure all the pasta is submerged Nat" he pointed out, taking the wooden spoon from her and stirring the pasta properly

"You're so cute when you're cooking"

"Oi"

"Sorry, you're so adorable when you're cooking"

"That's much better. Besides, I try my hardest"

"And modest. Did I mention just how modest you are?" she joked

"You might have mentioned it" he laughed, touching her gently on the knee. She recoiled at his touch, jumping back on the counter.

"Nat?" his face looked like a kicked puppy

"Oh Steve" she cupped his face gently "My knees are just really ticklish" she explained

"Oh really?" he cocked an eyebrow, a slight grin on his face

"Don't you dare" she said, shuffling back on the counter

"You scared Romanoff?" he asked. Anyone else would be afraid of the death glare she was giving him, but what could he say, sometimes he was pretty stupid

"On the contrary Rogers, I think you should be scared" she threatened. He approached her quickly, placing his hand on her knee. She recoiled, hugging her knees to her chest, only to have him tickle her bare feet

"I hate you" she managed to get out between giggles, panting for breath

"No you don't" he said, continuing his attack as she tried to bat his hand away. Despite her weak slaps, they still packed a punch as they hit him. The pot of pasta started to boil over, covering the stove top with boiling water, quickly spreading onto the counter. Steve quickly swept her up from the counter, holding her so she wouldn't get burnt.

"Well, I don't know about you but this has worked out rather well" she joked

"You're impossible" he said, shifting her into a more comfortable position in his arms

"You better not tickle me again Rogers" she threatened weakly

"I wouldn't dream of it. Besides, I have a much better idea" he said, kissing her gently on the lips

"I think I like your idea" she whispered through kisses. He pulled her body flush to his, her legs wrapping themselves around his waist as her arms snaked their way around his neck. She peppered kisses along his jaw before landing back on his lips. He grazed her bottom lip with his teeth, before pulling away and leaning his forehead against hers.

"Steve"

"mhmmmm"

"I really like you"

"I really like you too" he said, kissing her forehead before trailing kisses down her faces, kissing her softly on the lips before he made his way to her neck, kissing and nibbling at the soft skin. Her hands moved under his shirt, mapping out his muscles with her fingertips. She tugged gently at the edge of his shirt, asking a silent question

"Here?"

"I don't see why not" she whispered, capturing his lips with her own once more. She pulled his shirt over his head quickly, throwing it across the room. He started unbuttoning her shirt, his lips still locked with hers. Before they could continue any further they heard a squeal from the doorway of the room and they both looked up to see Pepper standing there

"Oh my god! I knew it!"

"There's no getting out of this is there?" Steve asked her quietly as she buried her face in his shoulder

"No chance. Just thank god we're still mostly dressed" she replied before looking back up and unwrapping herself from Steve "Hey Pepper"

"Tony owes me 40 dollars" Pepper said

"We thought you and Tony were going to be in Malibu for the rest of the week" she asked, trying to get the focus off her and Steve

"We returned early, and don't try and deflect Nat, it doesn't work on me."

"That you know of" she said cryptically, causing both Steve and Pepper to raise their eyebrows at her.

"Tell me everything" Pepper demanded, throwing Steve's shirt back to him, sitting down at the kitchen island

"You know that game of truth and dare we played about a few weeks ago?"

"The one where you two kissed?" Pepper asked

"Yeah, well it all started then"

They then explained everything that had happened during that night, and how things developed from there, Pepper listening quietly the entire time, only occasionally interrupting.

"And that's it"

"So you're together? Like properly Boyfriend Girlfriend?" Pepper asked when they'd explained everything, which granted wasn't very much at this point. She saw them exchange a glance

"I wouldn't say that necessarily"

"Yeah, we're just seeing where it takes us"

"Okay, you're clearly both awful at relationships" she finally commented. After hearing about the way they'd both avoided their feelings for years, and now they were still uncertain despite both admitting their feelings, yeah, they were bad at this.

"You're completely right. So can you please don't tell anyone Pepper. We're not ready for anyone else to know yet"

"Don't worry. Your secrets safe with me"

"Thank you"

"Just a piece of advice though, you can both tell JARVIS to warn you when someone is coming. Next time you want to be together outside your rooms just do that. It'll save a lot of awkward conversations" Pepper said, leaving the room.

"She is brilliant" Steve laughed once she was gone

"Shit, the pasta!"

* * *

"I can't believe we managed to burn pasta" they looked at the sad mess in the pot.

"It's pretty incredible really" Steve commented, pulling out the sausages they'd put in the oven earlier

"What is?"

"Burning something to the point that it's snapable, without actually causing a fire" he picked up a sausage, breaking it in half to make his point

"Yeah, I don't think we can redeem this"

"D'you want to just order in?"

"Yeah, Chinese?" she asked. Truthfully, he just wanted a greasy New York pizza, but he couldn't resist the way she inflated her eyes ever so slightly, looking at him hopefully. In fact, he had a feeling that this was going to one of many occasions where he just couldn't say no to her. Not that he minded, he loved seeing her happy.

"Sure, Chinese is good"

* * *

20 minutes later they were sat on the couch with Chinese from their favourite takeout place.

"So, cats or dogs?" she asked. She had laid her legs out over his lap, some sort of documentary on in the background.

"Dogs"

"Dogs?"

"Why? Are you a cat person?"

"I definitely prefer cats"

"Right, that's it. It's over. I can't date a cat person" he pushed her legs off him playfully, causing her to throw a noodle at his face.

"Hey!" he wiped the noodle off his face, moving closer to her and wrapping his arm around her.

"You asked for it Rogers" she joked, punching his arm slightly, settling into his embrace. They ate in comfortable silence, mindlessly watching the tv.

"You have some sauce on your chin" he pointed out gently. She used her thumb to wipe it off, missing slightly

"Here, let me" he shuffled closer to her, wiping it off her face, gently brushing her lip with his thumb. He traced the outline of her jaw, tilting her chin up to kiss her gently. She smiled into his mouth, kissing him back softly.

"Captain Rogers, Agent Romanoff, you wished for me to inform you that Mr Stark is currently entering the room" Jarvis' voice rang out

"Every single time. Why can't we just spend time together like normal people" Natasha complained, pulling away.

"I'm afraid you might be in the wrong business Agent" he laughed

"Look at you, using my own words against me. I'll make a spy out of you yet Rogers"

"I learnt from the best" they distanced themselves from each other, waiting for Tony to enter the room

"D'you think he's actually coming or- oh okay" Natasha started to say before Tony jumped over the back of the couch, settling between them.

"So what are we having?" Tony asked loudly, wrapping his arms around the pair.

"Chinese, and you're not invited" she said, glaring at him and shoving the arm around her shoulder off.

"Aww, come on. I'm hungry" he complained

"Fine" she rolled her eyes, shoving a box into his hands

"What you watching?"

"A shark documentary" It was true, though they weren't really watching it, more caught up in each other than listening to an old guy talk about sharks for 40 minutes

"That's so boring. Jarvis, put on a good movie"

"Anthony Edward Stark!" The crystal clear voice of Pepper Potts rang out through the room

"Shit" Tony sunk down, trying to hide himself in the cushions

"You are supposed to be at a meeting" Pepper scolded, walking around the couch and staring at him.

"It was just so boring"

"Come on" she grabbed his arm, pulling him out the room, giving the couple a subtle wink as the dragged the billionaire kicking and screaming out the room.

"I think I just fell in love with Pepper Potts" Natasha laughed, snuggling into his side as he wrapped his arm around her

"Yeah, me too" he said mindlessly, because he was too caught up in the way her eyes crinkled as she laughed, the way her smile reached her cheeks, the way she stuck out her tongue ever so slightly as she grinned.

"Watcha thinking about?" she asked, looking up at him, eyebrows furrowing slightly

"Oh nothing" he kissed her forehead gently. He definitely wasn't thinking about her small but adorable frown she made when she was confused, or her trademark smirk she made when flirting, or teasing, or doing anything really. And he definitely wasn't thinking about the fact that he was in love with her. Because goddammit he was in love with Natasha Romanoff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I’ll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated


	6. What Are We?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Sam tries to set Steve up on a date, Steve and Natasha have to consider what their relationship actually is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this is inspired my How I Met Your Mother. Sorry, but I felt it was apt with their relationship. Also, I know nothing about Thailand, it was the first country that came to mind, please don’t take offence if you happen to be from there and you’re like ‘she’s so incredibly wrong about this it’s laughable’. Anyway, hope you enjoy!

"Look, I know you hate being set up, but I met this girl the other day on a jog and she would be perfect for you" Sam said one evening. Steve and Natasha had spent the day training at the compound, and were catching up with Sam over drinks.

"Look Sam, I just don't think that-"

"Hear me out for a minute. She's cute, intelligent, and she's really perceptive to peoples feelings"

"Sounds like you should date her"

"Nah, it just wouldn't be right. But you'd be great together" Sam tried to convince him. Natasha was trying her hardest not to laugh at Steve trying to avoid going on a date

"Sam, I appreciate your help but I really don't need you to set me up"

"Just go on a date with her"

"I really don't think-"

"Look, do you have a girlfriend?" Sam asked directly. Steve chanced a look at Natasha who was trying her hardest to look indifferent

"Well, umm, it's not like…I guess I'm not" Steve stuttered, unsure of what to say

"Good, here's her number. Call her and take her out for a coffee or something. What's the worst that could happen?"

"I…fine, okay. Give it here. One date" Steve gave in, walking out the room

"I swear that boy doesn't know what's good for him" Sam commented to her

"Yeah, what are we gonna do with him" she laughed uneasily, her mood starting to sour.

* * *

"What's got you in a grump?" Pepper asked as she was sat on the couch painting her nails

"What makes you think I'm grumpy"

"Because you only ever paint your nails when you don't want to think about something"

"How do you figure that?"

"You have incredibly shaky hands when you're focusing on them. It's why you and Clint work so well on missions because you both multitask constantly, much to the disdain of your handlers"

"How do you know all this? Actually don't answer that, I don't think I want to know" Natasha asked, putting the lid back on the polish and looking up at Pepper

"So what's up?"

"Steve's on a date"

"But aren't you two?"

"We don't know what we are, we haven't talked about it"

"Do you not want to be together properly?"

"Maybe, I don't know. I haven't been in a relationship for years, at least not a proper one, and that didn't exactly go to plan"

"What happened?"

"We met through the red room, he trained me. We got married, but he was killed a year later, probably by the KGB" she admitted

"I'm sorry Nat. How long ago was this?"

"We got married in 1946 I think. I was only 17 or 18 at the time"

"So you've been alive for how long?"

"I was born in 1928"

"How?" Pepper gestured with her hands, flapping them around wildly

"I was put into cryo by the red room for months and years at a time. I have no idea how long I've actually been awake"

"Does Steve know all this?" Pepper asked

"Mostly, he doesn't know about my ex-husband but he does know about my age"

"And he still takes all the old man crap from you"

"I think he likes it"

"So what are you going to do?" Pepper asked, bringing her back to the topic at hand

"I don't know what to do, like what if he only sees me as someone he sleeps with? I really like him, like  _really_ like him, but what if he doesn't like me the same way, cause I don't think I can go through that again" Natasha ranted

"Well, I can assure you that Steve likes you the way you like him, but if you're not convinced, I'm going to show you"

"How?" she asked suspiciously

"Tomorrow evening, there's an event being thrown by the Prince of Thailand, black tie and all that. We're going to show Steve not only how awesome you are, but what he'd be missing out on if he didn't want you"

"You are bad Pepper" she laughed

"It's one of my greatest qualities" Pepper joked back

* * *

"Where are the girls?" Steve asked, looking around for them

"It's tradition in Thai culture for the men to arrive before the women, as a sign of respect" Bruce told him

"Right then boys, let's roll" Tony said, dramatically sweeping out the entrance and into the limo waiting for them. Bruce told them on the way that it was a charity gala, where all the profits go to the victims of war around the world. They were there as special guests due to their help in multiple conflicts, but also to attract attention to the cause. They arrived at the venue, to be met with reporters and paparazzi keen to see celebrities.

"Ah, Dr Banner, Captain Rogers, Mr Stark, Mr Barton, Thor, thank you for coming. Your help with this event is greatly appreciated" The Prince of Thailand greeted them, leading them into the building

"Feel free to drink and mingle with the other guests, Dr Banner, I would love to talk to you later about your humanitarian work overseas"

"It would be my pleasure" Bruce complimented back as the Prince walked away

"Bar?" Clint asked

"Bar" they all agreed. As they got their drinks the hall quietened. They all turned their attention to the entrance, where the focus of the men had gathered. As it turned out, their attention was on Natasha.

She swept into the room, wearing a floor length black gown with a low back and a deep v neck. It hugged her curves, perfectly accentuating all her features. He hair was pulled back into a loose bun, strands of hair perfectly framing her face. All the men in the room couldn't keep their eyes off her, their eyes often drifting below the neckline. Steve couldn't help the pang of jealously he felt as all the men stared at her. She strutted her way over to them, commanding the attention of the bartender immediately

"A Vodka Martini please" Natasha batted her eyelashes at him, causing him to go red before busying himself with her drink

"You boys should really shut your mouths, you'll catch flies" she laughed. They all snapped out of their trance apart from Steve, who was still struggling to form any comprehensive thoughts.

"You look amazing Tash" Clint said, taking a swig of his beer

"Thanks Barton, you shaped up well" she joked, her laugh almost tinkling

"Your bowtie's wonky Tony" Pepper suddenly said, appearing out of nowhere and immediately fixing it

"You look gorgeous Pepper" Tony complimented, kissing her softly

"As we should, we spent all afternoon getting ready" Natasha said

"You okay Steve? You look like you're having an aneurism" Pepper said, glancing a look at Natasha

"Uhhh, yeah, I'm good" he replied, shocking him back to life

"Look, whilst this very awkward conversation has been thrilling, I'm going to talk to some of the other guests" Natasha said, turning on her heel and walking off almost as quick as she joined them

"What just happened?" Bruce asked, all of them shocked at her behaviour

"I have no idea" Clint replied

"Well, I think capsicle liked what he saw" Tony commented

"It wasn't that Tony. Back in my day any girl that showed that much skin would be labelled as…a word I don't want to use" Steve explained. Pepper shot him a look, raising her eyebrows at him.

"Tony, we should go introduce ourselves to Liam Harvey, he's a very successful business man and if we could get his investment in Stark it would really benefit our stock value" Pepper told Tony, dragging him away from the group

"And then there were four" Clint joked, getting another drink at the bar

"Ah, Dr Banner, I was hoping I could talk to you about your work, specifically what you've done in Fiji" the Prince approached them again

"Of course, I've actually been curious about your work in the current affairs in the state of…." The two chatted away happily, walking away from the group

"And then there were three" Clint joked again

"Bartender, another round" Thor yelled, causing them all to laugh

* * *

He couldn't stop staring at Natasha. She was with a man, who she was clearly and obviously flirting with, much to his disdain. He thought, well, he wasn't sure what he thought but clearly she didn't feel the same. He was mentally kicking himself for thinking that she might have feelings for him, of course she didn't, she was Natasha Romanoff.

"You jealous Rogers?" Clint teased, causing him to tear his eyes away from Natasha to face him

"Course not, I'm just making sure he isn't dangerous" he lied

"Sure, whatever you say" Clint said, clearly not believing him

"Friend Steven, do you have feelings for Lady Natasha?" Thor asked, more gentle than normal

"Of course not, it's Natasha. That would be weird" he lied again. He couldn't bear the thought of being her being with someone else. He stole Clint's whiskey, drinking what was left before setting it back down on the bar.

"Right, I'm off boys" he said casually. He wasn't quite sure what he was going to do yet, he just knew he wanted Natasha away from that man and with him.

"Natasha, may I have a word?" he interrupted having approached the pair.

"Actually Steve, I was just having a delightful conversation with James here that I would love to continue" she said, lightly pressing her hand against his chest flirtatiously. Steve could feel his blood boiling looking at the way she interacted with James. And the fact his name was James, well that just made the whole thing worse.

"Good to meet you James" he said sarcastically "Natasha, now" he almost ordered

"Alright. It was lovely to meet you James, hopefully I can see you later?" she asked, batting her eyelashes at him

"I'm sure that can be arranged" James laughed, taking her hand and giving it a kiss. Steve grabbed her other hand, practically dragging her out the room. He led her up the stairs and into a random corridor

"What the hell are you doing?" he angrily whispered once they were far enough away

"What I am doing? What are you doing? Going out on dates with other girls? It's okay Steve, I get it, but don't stand in the way of my life just because I'm a good bang" she hissed back. He looked taken aback at her comment

"I only went out with her because I knew Sam wouldn't stop bugging me then I would have to tell him about us. Besides, as soon as I met the girl I apologised and said I was already seeing someone" he explained

"Look, I understand, you don't like me that way but don't make cheap excuses, just be a man and tell me straight"

"But Natasha, I thought we were-"

"Dating? Together? Think again Rogers. You messed up any chance of that" she almost laughed, her voice full of venom

"Actually yeah, I was going to say that, because I thought we were, and yes I made a mistake, and yes, I'm sorry, but if you clearly can't be bothered to put in any effort then I don't really see the point" he argued back

"Oh, I can't be bothered to be put in any effort? I know so many things about you, and I bet you know barely anything about me" she challenged him.

"That's because I know that you wouldn't tell me if I asked. You're so closed off, I never know what you're thinking, and god forbid I know anything about your past. For all I know you could still be working for the Red Room" he knew it was a low blow, but he didn't care at this point

"Well I'm sorry if I've had to fight to survive from the day I was born that I don't want to relive it"

"There you go again, making excuses again. This is such a classic Natasha move, pushing everyone away that you ever get close to, and for what reason? To prolong your misery?"

"I don't want to hurt you Steve, that's why" she shouted, finally losing control. She took a deep breath before continuing. "Everyone I get close to ends up dead, and I don't think I could cope if I lost you too. I'm not pushing you away Steve, I'm protecting you"

"Bullshit"

"Because you're so perfect all the god damn time Rogers. You pretend to be perfect all the time, the precious Captain America"

"Says you. You think being vulnerable is a weakness, and it might be, because you always end up hurting everybody" they were both yelling now

"Well you act like it's okay to be the way you are because of the ice. Well news flash Rogers, it's been years now, you can't keep making that excuse" they halted their yelling, both staring at each other with rage in their eyes. The tension in the room could be cut with a knife. She couldn't tell who moved first, but they suddenly launched themselves on each other, kissing the other with a fiery passion. His hands wandered to her hips gripping her hard enough to bruise her. She tugged and pulled at his hair, desperate to find a new angle to kiss him at. Their tongues battled for power, almost continuing their previous argument.

"Natasha" he mumbled into her mouth, almost trying to push her away. She temporarily took her mouth off his

"Steve, for once in your life, shut up" she moaned, pressing her mouth back on his. She groaned into him, rotating her hips against his. He pulled his mouth away, continuing his kisses along her jawline before settling on the neck, kissing and biting her, probably move aggressive than usual. She moaned in pleasure, almost whimpering into him.

"Natasha" he said, stopping abruptly

"Steve…" she warned, moving her hands down to his belt, swiftly unbuckling it.

"Wait, there's someone nearby" he told her, immediately causing her to stop unbuckling his trousers. Soon she heard the footsteps as well, both of them holding their breath as they eventually passed

"Steve" she mumbled, her voice suddenly serious

"Look, Nat. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said those things, they were cheap shots because I was angry" he apologised

"It's okay Steve, besides, it should be me who should be sorry"

"Nat"

"No, I'm the one who started this. I got jealous, so I decided to make you jealous, I just don't want to lose you"

"I don't want to lose you either Tash, but we can't keep doing this"

"Doing what?" she genuinely looked confused

"This back and forth, not knowing what we are, it's driving both of us crazy"

"Okay, so what do we do?"

"Well, we could break up"

"Or?"

"You could be my girl" he glanced around

"I'm not anyone's girl" she laughed

"So we breakup?" he asked, she could see his face fall slightly

"Well, I suppose you could be my boyfriend" she mumbled

"I guess it wouldn't kill me if you were my girlfriend, I mean, it would be a sacrifice, but I guess I could do it" he joked sarcastically.

"Shut up" she giggled, punching his shoulder

"Did you just giggle?"

"I think you've had enough to drink" she laughed

"I can't get drunk and you know it" he teased, kissing her lightly. They lulled into a comfortable silence, looking into each others eyes. He eventually pulled away, looking at her deeply

"So, can we promise each other to not be jealous of the other? Because I don't think jealousy is a good look on either of us" he half joked, despite the serious undertone.

"I think I can promise that" she laughed

"I think I can promise that too, girlfriend"

"Don't ever call me that. It's so corny, can we just agree that we're in dating in an exclusive relationship?"

"That kinda means you're my girlfriend" he laughed at her

"Alright, we should probably get back to the party" she grumbled in defeat

"Agreed" he said, taking her hand and starting to walk off

"Umm, Steve, you might want to get the lipstick off your face" she laughed. He found a mirror in the hall, gasping at shock at his face

"God Natasha, how can you take me seriously when my face looks like this"

"Look, come here" she said, taking a wipe out her bag and cleaning the lipstick off his face

"Thank you" he said, before pulling the pins that were holding her hair in its updo out

"Wait are you doing?" she asked, trying to bat his hand away

"I'm trying to hide this" he said, kissing the sensitive spot on her neck that was already starting to bruise. She moaned at the contact

"Steve" she complained. He rearranged her hair so it framed her shoulders, hiding her neck from view

"Perfect" he said, kissing her gently before leading her back to the ballroom

"I really am sorry Steve" she apologised once again

"So am I"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I’ll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated


	7. Never Have I Ever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another fun and stupid chapter that’s just me indulging myself and pretending the last 4 years in the MCU basically didn’t happen. But I added in a bit of angst at the end, because I was in a bad mood when I was finishing this chapter. Oh well. Sorry if any characters seem OOC, I kinda write a phrase I come up with them decide who hasn’t spoken in a while. Anyway, hope you Enjoy!

"It's game night!" Tony exclaimed

"Oh no" everyone in the room groaned

"Not again" Clint groaned

"I've learned not to argue" Bruce said

"Ok, what game are we playing tonight?" Steve asked

"I was thinking Strip Poker or Never Have I Ever" Tony told them, to which followed another collective groan.

"Never Have I Ever. I am not playing strip poker ever again after last time" Bruce said

"Me too. You guys all gang up on us girls" Wanda agreed

"You have Natasha and May. They can beat us all without trying" Tony pointed out

"He's right" Natasha laughed "Besides, Fury banned us from playing strip poker

"Bruce, you go first"

"Alright, never have I ever been in hospital for more than 1 week" Surprisingly, only Tony, Wanda, Sam, Simmons and Skye drank a shot, raising more questions than answers

"How have you guys never been in hospital for more than a week?" Tony asked, causing Steve, Clint, Natasha, Coulson and May to exchange a glance

"Nothing's ever been that serious?" Clint tried, knowing it was pointless

"Come on, tell the truth"

"Ok, we break each other out" she revealed

"How come I didn't get to do that?" Skye complained

"Because you were shot twice in the gut" May told her

"Yeah and then I was injected with a miracle drug that healed me" Skye pointed out to her

"You were shot twice in the gut?" Wanda asked

"Yeah, I though you guys knew" Skye said, looking slightly guilty

"Wait, what about dead guy walking? How were you not in hospital for more than a week when you died" Tony asked, pointing at Coulson

"Technically, it wasn't a hospital to start with and I spent just under a week there before I went home" Coulson explained.

"I still don't forgive you for dying" Natasha muttered under her breath

"Okay, Never have I ever wanted to sleep with someone in this room" Rhodey said, causing everyone but him to take a shot

"Alright, moving on" Sam said

"Nope, let's stay on this for a while. All of you?" Rhodey asked

"Yep. Now let's move on. My turn" Bruce said

"Not yet Brucie, I've got a follow up question" Tony interrupted.

"Go for it"

"Never have I ever slept with someone in this room". Tony took his own shot, followed by everyone else in the room apart from Clint and Rhodey

"Seriously?" they asked at the same time

"Never have I ever farted and blamed it on someone else in this room" Bruce interrupted before anyone could ask any questions. Shamefully, Tony and Clint drank a shot

"Who did you blame it on?" Vision asked

"Nat" they both said, causing her to splutter on the beer she'd stolen from Steve

"When?" she asked

"You know the first meeting we had with Fury and a bunch of high level agents?" Clint said sheepishly

"You piece of shit!" she shouted at him

"Woah there Nat" Steve said, trying to calm her down.

"Fury was pissed at me for weeks and I'm fairly sure those agents haven't talked to me since" she explained

"Okay, moving on. Never have I ever taken a pregnancy test" Natasha said, causing all the girls and Tony take a shot.

"Before anyone can say anything I was really drunk" Tony said

"What's new?" Clint laughed

"Touché"

"Never have I ever been in love" Wanda said. She smiled slightly, noticing how many people raised their glasses to their lips as she drank her own. Natasha wasn't sure what to do, she was in two minds about the whole thing. She looked over to Steve, who confidently drank a swig of beer. Of course she knew that regardless of her he would drink, she knew how he felt about Peggy, and she was fine with that. She knew that was in the past. But was she in love with Steve? She wasn't sure. She had strong feelings, potentially love, but who could say for sure. She tentatively brought her glass to her lips, taking a small sip. She glanced over to Steve, who smiled at her softly. It wasn't a 'thank god you're so in love with me' smile, or a 'I love you' smile. It was just supportive, and she mentally kicked herself for being unsure that she loved him. Because goddammit she wanted to love him so badly, and maybe she did. But how was she supposed to know what love felt like if she'd never felt it before?

"Never have I ever joined the mile high club" Sam brought her out of her reverie by asking the next question. She smirked at Steve as they both drank, joined by Tony, Pepper, and basically everyone on Coulson's team

"Jesus Christ"

"I have a private jet" Tony said in explanation

"I have a rich boyfriend" Pepper laughed

"We used to live on a plane" Skye added

"What about you two?" Rhodey asked Steve and Natasha

"Oh, no explanation necessary" she smirked, taking a swig from Steve's beer.

"Good on you girl" Sam laughed

"Never have I ever kissed a Russian" Tony said, giggling slightly and looking at her.

"That's low Stark" she said, raising her glass to her mouth. With her, everyone else in the room apart from FitzSimmons took a shot

"All of you? Really? Okay, follow up question. Never have I ever kissed Natasha" Tony said, shocked. Everyone in the room once again had a shot apart from Coulson and FitzSimmons, causing Tony to splutter on his beer.

"When have all of you kissed Nat?" Clint asked "I know Steve, Mels, Sam and I have on missions but the rest of you?"

"We were trying to figure out ways to tame the hulk and we thought increasing emotions that weren't anger would help" Bruce explained.

"It didn't really work" she told them afterwards

"We kissed during a game once, I'm not surprised you don't remember though. You were pretty drunk" Pepper added.

"What's new?" Steve muttered, causing Natasha to laugh.

"It's very complicated but we needed to distract some bad guys" Skye tried to explain, causing a few confused looks

"Same" Wanda added, only adding to the gang's confusion.

"Public displays of affection make people very uncomfortable" Coulson, May, Steve, Clint and Natasha recited

"Do they teach you that at Shield?" Sam asked

"Yeah, In how to distract bad buys 101" Natasha joked back

"What about Vis?" Wanda asked

"That is a very long story" Vision said, exchanging a glance with Natasha

"And one I'm not drunk enough for" she added, toasting to Vision before taking a swig of beer

"Never have I ever been arrested" Simmons interrupted, to which the majority of the people in the room drank

"You could've called that one Jem" Fitz laughed

"Okay, my turn. Never have I ever been married" Bruce said. Both Clint and Natasha raised another shot glass to their lips.

"You've been married Tasha?" Clint asked, slightly hurt that she never told him.

"It was a long time ago in Russia. He was killed by the KGB" she explained, trying not to make a big deal out of it.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Clint asked, raising his voice slightly

"I don't want to relive that part of my life"

"We tell each other everything Tash"

"Not everything"

"I trusted you with my biggest secret and you don't even bother telling me you were married"

"It's hardly a big deal, I never loved him"

"Doesn't mean you shouldn't tell me!"

"SO WHAT THAT I DIDN'T TELL YOU THIS ONE THING! I DON'T ALWAYS TELL YOU EVERYTHING! I'M NOT SOME HELPLESS LITTLE GIRL YOU NEED TO FIX CLINT! NOT ANYMORE! SO STOP TRYING TO FIX ME! BECAUSE I DON'T NEED IT" she screamed at him, storming out the room. An uncomfortable silence fell over the room, before Tony had the nerve to speak up

"What was that all about? I don't think I've ever heard Natasha actually yell at someone" Tony joked, causing Clint to storm out the room in the opposite direction to Natasha.

"Dammit Stark. You had to make it worse didn't you" Steve said whilst giving Tony a glare

"I'm sorry. I didn't think it would do any harm" Tony said defensively, putting his hands up in the air in surrender

"Wow. An actual Tony Stark apology. Never would've thought that would happen in my lifetime" Steve quipped

"Well you have lived for 90 years. It was bound to happen sometime" Tony answered back

"I didn't ask to be frozen in ice for 70 years" Steve replied, starting to raise his voice slightly.

"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!" Pepper yelled

"I'm going to talk to Nat, one of you should check on Clint. The rest of you, make sure that Stark doesn't do anything stupid" Steve told them.

* * *

He followed Natasha down to the gym where he found her hitting one of the punching bags violently.

"Go away Steve. I can't deal with this right now" she told him, continuing to punch the bag.

"You can talk to me Nat. I won't judge you" he assured her

"But you will. Once you find out everything you will judge me and I can't take that" she tried to explain, turning around to face him

"You don't need to tell me anything you don't want to Nat. But I'm here of you want to talk" he assured her

"Thanks for the offer, but I'm not really sure what I would even say" she admitted

"Well, if all you want to do is beat the living crap out of something, I'm right here" he told her, throwing out his arms dramatically leaving his front open. She weakly punched him the stomach, causing him to laugh

"Language" she muttered, managing to smile slightly

"Come on. You can hit better than that. What would Fury say?" he joked

"Fine, but you have to fight back" she told him. The sparred for about an hour, both evenly matched the entire time until they both ended up on the floor

"You tired out yet?" he asked her, panting to get his breath back

"Just a little" she laughed, playfully hitting him on the shoulder from where she was lying next to him

"Feeling any better?"

"Not really. I guess hitting someone repeatedly really doesn't help that much"

"I could've told you that"

"Shut up"

"So, do you feel like sharing why you yelled at Clint earlier?"

"Don't you care that I've been married before?"

"Of course I do, but I know you'll open up about it when you're ready, I'm not going to force you to tell me."

"But I never loved him"

"Do you think you did?"

"I honestly don't know"

"Would you ever want to get married again?" he asked, sitting up slightly

"Are you asking?" she joked. He raised an eyebrow at her question causing her to groan slightly

"Maybe, possibly, I don't know. I know you want to but I'm just not sure" she admitted

"We don't need to have this conversation now" she smiled at his comment, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him softly

"Thank you" she mumbled between kisses. She pulled her gently so she was sitting on his lap, wrapped in his embrace

"But I do want to know what caused you to go off at Clint" he said, pulling away from her. She sighed, preparing herself for her explanation

"When I first met Clint, I was a spy for the KGB. He brought me into Shield and convinced Fury to let me stay. He could tell that I'd had a bad past, I think he saw a bit of himself in me." Steve let her talk, knowing better than to interrupt when she was opening up. "We became partners, and quickly became best friends after that. I eventually told him about some of the things about my past, and he told me about his family. That's how I became Auntie Nat. There are still things he doesn't know, things that I just never mentioned. But I've told him more secrets than most people have at all. I've never lied to Clint, and I guess I just feel bad that he doesn't know about us" she explained, trying not to go into too much detail about anything

"Tell him" he said suddenly before she could carry on talking

"What?" she asked shocked

"Tell him. He's your best friend. He told you about his family, you should tell him about us. He's really helped you with everything, he deserves to know. I know I'd want to tell Bucky if…" e trailed off, not knowing how to finish

"I'm sorry. I know how hard it must be for you" she said, talking about Bucky

"It's fine. I can tell how much keeping this a secret is eating you up. Tell him"

"Thank you Steve. Really, thank you" she said, kissing him softly on the lips

"No problem" he replied, kissing her back

"You guys should really be more careful" Pepper's voice rang out from the doorway

"How is it that it's always you who sees us?" he asked to no one in particular

"Tony wanted to apologise but he didn't want to butt in and make anything worse. I told him I'd come check on you."

"Wait, what did Tony do?" she asked confused

"He did what Tony does, makes things worse" Pepper explained

"I probably shouldn't have yelled at him" Steve admitted

"He deserved it. You okay Tash?" Pepper asked

"Yeah, I told him everything" she explained

"Everything?"

"Yeah, well, I mean not  _everything_. I'm Russian, I have more secrets than you've had hot meals" Pepper chuckled at her statement, causing the corners of Natasha's mouth to curl up slightly.

"Alright. I'll leave you two to it"

"Thanks Pep"

"Don't have sex on that mat. It's incredibly gross" Pepper called back as she walked out

"I'm not making any promises!" Natasha called back

"Are we actually going to-?"

"No"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I’ll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated


	8. An Admission of Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I’ve reached a bit of a dilemma. I figured out how exactly I want everyone to find out about Steve and Natasha’s relationship, but the idea takes place at Christmas time. So would you guys be okay with a bunch of really Christmasy and festive chapter in the middle of summer? Or would you rather that I change the idea? I’m okay with either but some suggestions on how to expose their relationship otherwise would be useful. Your feedback would be extremely useful, but anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter!

She kicked a guy in the stomach, flinging him backward. Another 'goon' as Clint would say grabbed her from behind, bringing his arm around her in a headlock. She struggled against his grip, trying to worm out of his arms. She bit down on his forearm, fresh blood swirling in her mouth as she pierced his skin. She elbowed him in the solar plexus, causing him to release his grip on her as he pulled back trying to catch his breath. She spun around quickly, shooting blindly, hitting a man in the shoulder with one bullet, grazing another person's thigh with a second bullet. She pulled the trigger once again, bracing herself for the recoil as nothing happened. She could taste the gunpowder in the air as she threw her gun across the room, accidentally hitting someone in the chest. She took out her widow bites, throwing them at the feet of the last guards. She looked around at the empty room littered with bodies.

"All clear on the roof" Clint said through the comms.

"All clear on the ground floor" she told him back.

"You move up, I'll go meet you on the third floor" Clint told her

"Copy that"

"What's been going on with you recently?" Clint asked

"What do you mean?" she replied, shooting 3 guys in the stomach.

"Well you seem happier than usual" he started, she could hear him draw his bow in the background.

"Do I?" she said, trying to not lie to him.

"Yeah, you and Steve have been a lot closer recently" he noted, busting open the door from the stairwell.

"Are you implying something?" she asked, almost laughing. 4 men ran around the corner, aiming their guns at her. She activated her widow bites, sliding them across the floor, instantly taking out two of the men. She dodged the bullets being fired at her, sweeping her leg under one man, causing him to fall into the other. She saw an object roll across the floor of the room out the corner of her eye

"BOMB!" she yelled, trying to get as far away from the bomb as she could. It was only a small explosion, but she could feel the heat on her skin.

"You okay Tash?" Clint asked frantically

"Tash?" he asked again after a minutes silence

"Yeah, all good" she replied eventually

"Oh thank god. I couldn't have you dying before you tell me all your dirty little secrets" he laughed, breathing out a sigh of relief

"What makes you think I'm ever gonna tell you all my secrets?" she joked, brushing off the dust from her suit

"I have my methods"

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

"Ahhhh, now that would be telling"

"All clear on this floor, I'm moving up" she said, her tone of voice changing slightly

"Moving down, meet you in the office" he replied

"Careful, there's some people around the corner from the stairs"

"Thanks, but seriously, you and Steve have been hanging out together a lot lately"

"Well you've been MIA recently so I had to get a new bestie" she joked

"You joke but I know somethings different about you"

"Like what?"

"I don't know. You could tell me though" he pointed out

"Where's the fun in that" she laughed, shooting another in the leg

"Don't make me guess" he pleaded slightly

"Why not?" she laughed, knowing she was winding Clint up

"Cause, I'll do … something which I haven't thought yet" Clint trailed off

"Guess away Katniss" she mocked

"You have been spending way too much time with Tony" he mumbled. She heard a loud thump before seeing a body roll down the staircase in front of her, closely followed by Clint

"What did you do?" she asked as he pulled out an arrow and shot someone at the top of the stairs

"Not important. We can only fight these guys off for so long, we have to get the information then blow this place up" Clint told her

"Copy that" she moved through the hallways, navigating through the dark until she found an office. She pulled out the hard drive and plugged it into the computer, focusing on transferring the data while Clint shot everyone who came through the door

"What was it you were gonna tell me then?" Clint asked her as he tried to fight off the increasing number of soldiers

"Oh, I'm dating Steve" she said bluntly. He stopped what he was doing, turning to face her in shock. She shot over his head, killing the man walking through.

"We can talk about this later. Think we can get back through there?" she asked

"No chance. Our only option is the window" he told her

"Done" she said, taking out the drive and putting it in her pocket.

"You break the window, I'll hold these guys back" he told her, firing another arrow. She ran at the window, jumping and covering her hands with her face as she broke the window. She fell through the air, closely followed by Clint as they landed on the ground. Bullets rained down on them, and she barely registered the metal and glass slicing through her leg as Clint fired an explosive arrows at the building as they ran back to the quinjet, causing it to go up in flames.

* * *

"So you and Steve huh?" he asked as he pulled the last bullet out her leg

"Yeah" she winced

"Do you love him?" he asked, bandaging her leg

"Yes" she responded without hesitation, surprising herself

"Have you told him that?"

"No"

"You should"

"What if he doesn't feel the same?" she whispered as Clint finished on her leg

"Oh god, you've got it bad" he joked, getting an unimpressed look off her.

"What do I do?"

"Steve loves you Nat, there is no doubt in my mind about that" he tried to tell her

"Then why hasn't he told me?"

"You're useless" he muttered "He's waiting till he knows you feel the same. You'd run for the hills if he told you and you didn't feel the same, or to be honest, even if you did. He knows you, more than you'd probably like"

"He wants kids Clint, and I can't…I don't know if I even…" she trailed off, unable to finish

"I know" he empathised, wrapping an arm around her shoulder

"I can't tell him, I don't want to lose what we have"

"Baby steps Nat. You don't have to tell him about all that yet. Just start by telling him you love him"

"How the hell is that a baby step?" she asked, staring at him

"Okay then, if you can't do that, tell him what you can. Because I promise you he feels the same" They sat in silence for a while before he spoke up again

"You do realise I'm gonna grill him right"

"Please don't give him the big brother talk" she pleaded knowing it was pointless

"It's my duty. I would be doing you a disservice"

"You're going to scare him off"

"Please, if Fury didn't scare him off I'm certainly not going to" Clint scoffed

"Fury doesn't know"

"You should tell him. Fraternisation is strictly forbidden between agents"

"Well I really like Steve so if he has a problem I'll just quit"

"And you think that's going to work?"

"Sure, if he doesn't want to lose the best damn spy in the business"

"Well alright then. But I think you made a mistake earlier"

"What now?" she grumbled, narrowing her eyes at him

"You don't just like him, you  _loooove_ him" Clint teased as he walked away to land the plane

"I hate you"

"No you don't"

* * *

She clutched onto Clint as they walked out the plane, determined to walk on her own, despite the pain flaring through her body. She couldn't help the slight smile that crept onto her face as she saw Steve standing in front of them.

"Clint called, what happened?" he asked her

"You called Steve? What the hell Clint?!" she whispered angrily, punching him in the arm.

"You got shot, twice, not to mention the amount of glass I had to fish out of you. Oh, and not to mention the burns" he pointed out

"You got shot?" Steve asked, concern etched on his face

"Relax, I'm fine" she told him

"Really?" he asked, raising an eyebrow

"Yeah"

"Let go of Clint then" he challenged

"Fine, no problem" she let go of Clint, managing to stay upright despite her legs shaking underneath her.

"Come over here" Steve said gently, holding out his hand to her. She knew what he was doing, he was proving his point, but she wasn't about to give up that easily. She limped over to him as she bridged the gap between the men. She fell to the floor as her legs gave out, crumpling into a heap. Steve caught her just before she hit the ground, supporting her as she stood up again.

"You were saying?" he joked, causing her to glare at him

"What are her injuries?" Steve asked Clint

"She is standing right here" Natasha complained

"Barely" Clint's comment induced a death stare on her face, still formidable despite her current state

"Well, aside from the aforementioned bullets and glass, some second, maybe third degree burns, probably a broken wrist, sprained ankle, bruises on the neck from a chokehold and minor blood loss" Clint explained

"It's fine. I'm fine guys" she butted in

"Did the bullets hit anything major?" Steve asked, ignoring her

"Relax would you? I'm fine" Natasha protested

"Nothing too bad, just her upper thigh and shoulder" Clint said, ignoring her protests

"Right, come on" he told her, wrapping an arm around her waist properly

"Where are we going?" she asked

"Medical, and don't complain" Clint told her, opening the door for them. She said nothing, knowing it was pointless to argue.

"You okay man?" Steve asked Clint

"Yeah, just a few bruises here and there. Tash took the grunt of the attack"

"Clearly"

* * *

They sat outside her room whilst she was being stitched up, having been kicked out for causing a fuss.

"Look mate. I'm gonna tell you something now, not as your friend but as Nat's big brother" Clint said.

"Oh no, she warned me" he moaned, sitting up and facing Clint.

"You are the kindest man I have ever met, and I know you would never intentionally hurt Tasha. But just know I have an arrow with your name on it that I will not hesitate to use. Do you understand me?" Clint threatened

"Yes Sir" Steve said, mock saluting him

"That being said, I'm glad she has someone else she can talk to. I'm not always around and I know how bad things get for her sometimes"

"I know, thanks for always looking after her before I came along"

"I love her, and she may be an assassin, but she will always be my baby sister. But don't tell her I said that" he added at the end, scared of Natasha's wrath.

"Your secrets safe with me" Steve promised

"Do you love her?" Clint asked him

"More than I can put into words" he said with ease

"What are you boys talking about?" Natasha said, limping into the room they were waiting in and casually leaning against the wall

"Nothing. They let you out?" Steve asked, helping her stand properly

"Not exactly" she confessed. Steve glanced a look in the hospital room to see a nurse cowering on the floor in terror

"What are we going to do with you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was a bit shorter than usual but completely necessary. If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I’ll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.


	9. Under The Weather

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it’s been a while. The last few weeks have been crazy hectic that I haven’t really had a chance to write and I kept struggling on how to end this chapter. But this is fluff. Pure fluff. I’m not even sorry. Well, I am a bit, but I needed some sweetness after the last few weeks, especially as there’s some serious angst coming up in the next few chapters. Call it the calm before the storm. Hope you enjoy!

"Uggghhhhhhhhhh. I hate this" Natasha complained from the couch. Since the previous attack, she had been allowed to leave medical after threatening the staff, but was told that she was to minimise her movement as little as possible, something she was not enjoying.

"Maybe this will teach you not to jump through a window on the third floor" Steve told her.

"This isn't even that bad, I've had much worse"

"Would you quit complaining? You should be happy that Fury didn't force you to stay in Medical" he said, kissing her forehead gently

"I would have preferred that over this. I feel like I'm on house arrest" she complained again.

"We're just worried about you. It doesn't help that you decided this would be the perfect time to catch the flu"

"I don't have the flu Steve. I'm perfectly fibe"

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"I'm fibe Stebe"

"Okay, sure. Whatever you say Nat" he laughed, handing her a cup of tea before sitting down next to her. She lay her feet on his lap once he was settled, kicking around so her feet were under her blanket.

"Do you know what we never did?" Steve asked after a while

"No, what?" she furrowed her eyebrows, thinking deeply before giving up

"We never did the obligatory first date chat where we talk about stupid things that we don't really need to know about but is used to avoid an awkward silence"

"We never did have a proper first date, did we?" she laughed

"I guess not. So what do you want to know?"

"I don't know, what's your favourite colour?"

"Probably a blue, but more navy I think. You?"

"In clothes, definitely black and dark colours but I really like a pale yellow. Don't tell Tony though, I'd never hear the end of it" she admitted, blushing slightly

"I wouldn't dream of it. Birthday?"

"23rd November"

"4th July"

"Seriously? I mean I read your file and everything, but your birthday is actually Independence Day"

"Yep, 4th July 1918" Steve confirmed, even throwing in a mock salute just to make her laugh.

"God you're so old" she teased

"Says you"

"Hey, I'm a good ten years younger than you. 1928 I think"

"You think?"

"It's an estimate. I didn't exactly have a birth certificate"

"Moving on from your depressing childhood. What's your favourite physical feature about yourself?"

"Probably my hair, I always get really annoyed when I have to dye it for a mission. What's yours?"

"I really love your eyes"

"Oh shut up"

"I know it sounds vain, but I really love my body. I'm just so glad that I don't have to worry about my health or being beat up in an alley anymore because I can't fight back" he looked down at the floor shyly

"I'm glad that about that too, I'm glad you can hold your own in a fight. And for the record, my favourite thing about you is your nose. It's just so perfectly you"

"You're weird you know that Nat?"

"Yeah, it's why you like me" she laughed slightly, wincing at the movement

"Okay, I need to change your bandages" he said, lifting up her feet and getting up, getting the first aid kit from the bathroom

"I'm fine Steve, honestly. There's no point wasting your time doing that" she tried to argue

"I might sedate you whilst I'm at it"

"Hey!" she moaned as he tried to take her blanket, only causing her to burrow under it even more, holding onto it with a steel grip

"Oh will you stop acting like such a baby" he snapped finally, having had enough of her antics. She narrowed her eyes at him, frowning as she peeked her head out from under the blankets.

"I'm sorry" he apologised. In response she let go of her blanket, letting him shove it over the back of the couch.

"Shirt" she gave him a pitiful stare at his question, quivering her lip slightly so she didn't have to move

"You will be the death of me Natasha Romanoff" He lifted her torso off the couch for her, pulling her t-shirt over her head revealing the bandage around her midsection.

"Only if you die first"

"Way to bring down the mood" he said, although grinned slightly at her statement. He carefully unwrapped her bandage, frowning slightly as he saw blood on the lower layers

"Natasha" he narrowed his eyes at her, finally getting to her stomach where she had very clearly pulled a stitch

"Yes Steven?" she asked innocently, not wavering under his stare

"Were you going to tell me you pulled a stitch?"

"I could've sworn I told you. Did I not tell you?" she winced at her terrible lie, her voice getting higher at the end of her sentence

"What am I going to do with you?" he rolled his eyes at her antics, carefully cleaning the cut before grabbing the fresh bandages.

"Sorry, I just didn't want you to worry" she genuinely was sorry as well. Although she liked to view it as bending the truth to keep Steve sane, she knew he got worried easily and she didn't want to be the cause of that.

"You know I always worry about you"

"You don't have to, you know, worry about me" she told him, deadly serious

"I love you Nat, of course I'm going to worry about you" he said without thinking, eyes widening as he realised the reality of what he just said.

"Did you just?"

"Uhhh, yeah. I guess I did, but I meant it Nat. I love you"

"Steve"

"You don't have to say it back Nat. I promise, but I do love you"

"It's not that I don't want to say it"

"I know"

"Cause I do, I really do, but I just can't" she couldn't really explain herself properly. She wanted to say it back, she really did. She'd admitted it to Clint, she did love him, but there was something stopping her, and she couldn't figure out what it was.

"I understand Nat. You don't have to make excuses. You're not ready, and I appreciate that. But I'm not going to lie to you and say that I don't feel that way, because I do. And you should know"

"Thank you" she smiled, letting him lean in to kiss her, tangling her fingers in his hair. She hummed in content, eyes fluttering closed. She felt a sneeze bubbling inside her as she tried to pull away quickly, but she wasn't fast enough.

"Achooooo!" she sneezed right in his face, spraying him with snot

"Oh god Nat"

"I'm so sorry" she cringed, wiping the snot off his face with her sleeve

"It's fine. I put myself in harms way"

"Still, I'm really sorry" his phone buzzed next to them, indicating he'd gotten a text.

"Fury wants me at Shield. Will you be okay?"

"I'll be fine Steve. I promise"

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm fine"

* * *

She needed to get off this couch. With Steve gone she had no distractions and she was going stir crazy. She crawled off the couch and stood up, clutching at her head as dizziness clouded her vision. She went into the bathroom and lent against the sink, splashing cold water onto her face. Nausea was curling through her stomach, and she could feel it slowly rise through her system. She gagged, trying to push it back down, trying to delay the inevitable. She threw herself over the toilet, throwing up into the bowl, heaving until her stomach was empty and even after that, just coughing and spluttering over the rim of the toilet. She lay her head of the edge of the toilet, closing her eyes in exhaustion.

Steve returned an hour later, having been caught up at Shield for much longer than he would've wanted. He'd texted Natasha at some point to check she was okay, to which she responded a thumbs up emoji so he assumed she was doing just fine without him. She was gone when he got back though, the couch deserted and the blankets shoved to the floor. She was nowhere to been seen until he heard small noises coming from the bathroom. He knocked on the door, and after hearing a weak grunt in response he opened the door to find a sight that made his heart break. Natasha was sprawled out across the floor, head leaning on the rim of the toilet facing away from him. She moved her head, tilting it to look at him before obviously regretting it as she buried her head in the bowl, throwing up. He rushed over to her side, pulling her hair out of her face with one hand, rubbing soothing circles on her back with the other. They sat like this until she was finished, which is when she turned to face him. She was deathly pale, with beads of sweat rolling down her forehead. It was at times like this when he truly appreciated just how beautiful Natasha was. She smiled weakly at him, and he grinned back, before wrapping her into a hug. He pulled her onto his lap, gently shushing her as silent tears rolled off her face and down his back. He could feel the heat radiating off her body, even though she was shivering in his arms.  
"Nat" he whispered "Can you get up?"  
He could feel her shake her head into his shoulder. He knew if he didn't move her, they would never leave the bathroom so he slid his arms under her legs and scooped her up, cradling her against his chest. She clutched at his shirt, messing with the fabric between her fingers as she snuggled closer to him and rested her head on his chest. She was reluctant to let go of him as he set her down on the bed, gripping onto him as tightly as she could. She was too weak to fight against him though as he pulled the duvet up to her waist and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"I'm gonna get you some more medicine" he told her, kissing her forehead and getting up off the bed.

"No! I mean, please just stay here with me" she grabbed his hand weakly, and god she sounded pathetic. But really, all she wanted to do was curl up in Steve's arms and go to sleep.

"Give me one second baby. I promise I'll be right back" she mewled into the pillow, but reluctantly let him go. He grabbed her some medicine from the cabinet before wetting a washcloth with cold water, ringing it out. He refilled her glass of water before joining her back on the bed, helping her sit up so she could take the pills.

"Thanks" she mumbled before slumping back down, burying her face in the mattress.

"D'you want me to lie with you?" he asked, to which she nodded meekly.

"Okay, shove over" when she made no attempt to move, he lifted her up slightly, rolling her over before getting in next to her. She cuddled up next to him, wrapping her arms around his torso.

"It hurts so bad Steve" she complained

"I know baby. Just try and go to sleep now" he wrapped his arm around her, though he pushed off all but one of the blankets she'd bundled herself in, concerned about her temperature

"Steve" she whined, trying to get her blankets back

"It's me or the blankets babe. You're really hot"

"Yeah I am" she mumbled, although she couldn't keep the smirk off her face. He chuckled, dropping a kiss in her hair whilst gently combing his fingers though it. His touch seemed to calm her, and eventually she was drifting off into sleep, though it was fitful. Every few hours she would wake, whimpering in pain as she cuddled closer to him. Dinner came and went, and despite his growling stomach he didn't want to leave her alone.

"Hey Steve" Natasha was awake again, though she still was still half asleep.

"Yeah?"

"Your face is really nice" So she'd gone past complaining straight into delirium. Just what he needed. Steve decided to humor her,

"Yours is too" he chuckled slightly, smiling as she pressed the tip of his nose gently. He brought his hand to her forehead, recoiling almost instantly as it burned to the touch. She pouted at him, exhaling sharply as she fell back onto the pillows.

"Alright, medicine time" he told her, extracting his arm from behind her. She moaned, grabbing his wrist and not letting go.

"At least let me check your temperature" Natasha pouted, but she released her grip on him, letting him get up. He grabbed the thermometer from the pile of supplies he'd dumped on the couch earlier.

"Open" he commanded, slipping easily into Captain America mode. She frowned but did as she was told, letting him place the thermometer under her tongue before closing her mouth to keep it in place. He sat down next to her, stroking her hair as they waited patiently. He frowned when he took it out her mouth.

"What is it?" she asked, trying to steal it off him. She frowned over his shoulder at it, her vision blurry and struggling to make out the numbers.

"103. You'll survive"

"Doesn't feel like it" she tried to quip back, but was cut off by a coughing fit that soon led to her with her head back in the bin Steve had placed by the side of the bed.

"Make it stop hurting" she whimpered

"I'm trying baby" he stroked her hair out of her face, reaching around to put the bin back on the ground. He helped her sit up, handing her some pills and water before she curled herself back up over his body. Taking the still damp washcloth off the table, he gently wiped her brow, smiling as he saw the brief but instant relief flood over her face.

"Thanks" her eyelids fluttered open to meet his momentarily before closing again, the medication starting to take effect.

"Don't worry Nat. I got you, just relax now. Go to sleep"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I went to see Endgame again, which fyi was so much worse the second time round, but that’s why the final line was kinda similar to Pepper’s last lines to Tony. As always, prompts are always welcome and appreciated. Seriously, I’m starting to resort to tropes that have been written ten thousand times already, new ideas are welcome.


	10. Fourth of July

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I’m not going to spoil it if you haven’t seen it, but I went to see Spiderman and it’s so good! But anyway, here’s another chapter and this one’s fourth of July themed, even though I’m English and means nothing to me. So I’m just guessing with this one and projecting what I wish my life was like onto other characters. Enjoy!

Natasha couldn't cook. It was one of the only things Natasha really couldn't do. To say she was hopeless wouldn't even be an understatement. And her baking was even worse, which is why when Steve Rogers came home, his first thought was that she'd been replaced by a robot. Which wo be fair, in his line of work, wouldn't be completely ridiculous. Natasha was fairly clean, however the kitchen was covered in flour, the island coated in batter and there was a slight burning smell coming from the open.

"Natasha?" he tentatively came into the kitchen, seeing her humming along to some music, icing a cake.

"Hey" she smiled up at him, setting down her spatula and offering him the cake

"What is this?" he viewed the offending item with suspicion

"It's a birthday cake" she said, like it was obvious,

"Did you make this?" The kitchen was a pretty big tip off, but he had to check. Natasha didn't cook. Ever.

"It's crap, I know. You don't have to eat it" she looked deflated as he sat down at the counter.

"I love it Nat. Thank you" he kissed her gently. He dipped his finger into the frosting, licking it off quickly

"How is it?" she asked quickly, hands wringing together in nervousness.

"It's ummm…well, it's really good" he lied. It was one of the worst things he'd ever tasted, but she put so much effort into it that he didn't want to hurt her. He struggled to swallow, but managed to force it down his throat

"It's really bad isn't it?"

"No, it's delicious" he lied again, trying to sound convincing

"It can't be that bad" she said, licking the remaining frosting off his finger. She grimaced, her face contorting as she tried to swallow.

"Oh god. That's awful" she spit out the cake into a tissue, desperately drinking some water

"It's not great" he grimaced, looking over to her.

"I can't believe you ate that to save my feelings" she smiled slightly, though it was hard to tell through her wiping her mouth on a paper towel

"I'd be a pretty bad boyfriend if I didn't at least try" he chuckled

"Thank you" Natasha said genuinely, and seriously. It was the little things like that which really made her appreciate Steve.

"No problem"

"Come on, I have it on pretty good authority that there's a rocking party going on right now" she told him, sitting on his lap

"Oh god" he groaned, burying his face in her shoulder

"Oh relax, it's just friends. Pepper helped organise it" she rolled her eyes fondly at him

"Please don't tell me it's a pool party" he begged

"Sorry Cap. But it's your 100th birthday, you should feel lucky that Tony didn't insist on a giant event the entirety of New York was invited to"

"Alright, I'll go. If you let me do one thing"

"Oh yeah?" she raised her eyebrows, smirking at him. She leaned in close to him, wrapping her arms around his neck

"Yeah, let me throw this cake out"

"Fine. You gonna get changed?" she asked

"I would, but you're kinda sitting on me" he laughed, gesturing to her.

"Now that is a predicament" she grinned, kissing him gently

"Am I going to have to forcibly remove you?" he said, raising his eyebrow at her as she diverted her attention to his neck, kissing softly at the skin

"I'd like to see you try"

"Oh really?"

"Nope" she hopped off him, causing him to frown

"C'mon Nat. It's my birthday"

"Sorry soldier, it'll have to wait until later"

"We can be late to my own birthday party" he tried to convince her

"Anticipation is half the fun Steven. I have to get changed, I'll see you up there?" she asked, already leaving the apartment

"I hate you" he muttered

"No you don't"

* * *

He walked out onto the rooftop, smiling as he noticed how relaxed it was. Clint and Sam were barbequing enough meat to last a year, Tony, Thor, Rhodey and Vision wear chatting at the bar, Jane, Darcy, Pepper and Wanda were relaxing in the hot tub and Natasha was talking to Bruce, their feet dangling in the pool. He sat down next to them, enjoying the cool water on his feet.

"Hey"

"Happy Birthday man" Bruce said, reaching behind Natasha to pat him on the back

"Thanks. I guess I'm officially an old man now"

"Oh shit. Tony's trying to get Thor to arm wrestle" Bruce got up, leaving the couple alone

"You're wearing a bikini" he noticed. He remembered their conversation from a few years ago, 'bye bye bikini's' and all that

"Ah, it's high waisted Rogers" as if to prove it, she pushed down the fabric slightly to show him the scare before pulling it back up

"What about all your other scars?"

"I can go change if you'd like" she joked, pushing herself off the edge of the pool slightly as if she was getting up

"Nope, I think you look beautiful. But I did think you probably wouldn't think so" he was blunt, because he knew her, and he knew how she thought, despite her best efforts

"I just…I don't think I care anymore. Look around, I have all these friends who couldn't care less about what I look like. And I have you"

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, you really make me feel special Rogers"

"Okay, you can stop being nice now. It's weirding me out"

"It's your birthday, thought I'd cut you some slack old man"

"That's better" he laughed, splashing some water at her

"FOOD! Come and get it before Thor gets here first!" Clint yelled. Steve hauled himself off the edge of the pool, offering a hand up to Natasha.

"Why thank you"

"Anything for you my darling"

* * *

"So, what's new with you?" Sam asked once they had eaten. The sun was beginning to set, casting an orange glow over the city.

"Not much really" Steve replied, tossing him a new beer.

"Good, because I've been chatting to this girl and I think you'd really get along"

"Sam, stop. I have a girlfriend"

"What? You didn't think to tell me? Who is it?" Sam asked rapid fire questions

"It's Natasha" Sam whipped around, looking at Natasha, who despite sitting across the roof in a different conversation, still smirked at him.

"Seriously? Natasha Romanoff? The Black Widow?" Sam asked in disbelief

"The very same" he laughed

"Your girlfriend?"

"Yup"

"How? Like no offense man, but she is way out of your league"

"Trust me, I know" Steve laughed, smiling over at her

"Why am I always the last to know anything?" Sam almost yelled, drawing the groups attention to them.

"Not true, you know about Rhodey's new girlfriend" Clint butted in

"You have a girlfriend?" Sam turned to Rhodey, directly asking him. He simply shrugged in response.

"Right, anyone else have a secret relationship I ought to know about?" Sam asked, clearly frustrated

"It's not a secret" Rhodey commented

"Does someone else have a secret relationship?" Bruce asked

"Nope" Steve replied quickly, causing Natasha to glare at him.

"Wait, does Capsicle have a girlfriend?" Tony almost mocked, though he was serious in his question

"I don't have a girlfriend" Steve tried to argue

"Oh really?"

"We're keeping things casual" he said, causing Natasha to snort, spluttering on her beer.

"Something funny?"

"Just the thought of Steve being in a casual relationship" Steve glared at her, causing her to smirk back at him.

"Come on, I reckon the old man has moves"

"Show us your moves Cap"

"Alright. Which of you wants the Captain America charm?" Steve joked, getting up

"Lay it on me Cap. Just know I'm married" Clint joked, throwing out his arms.

"Not for long"

"I see we've already started then"

"Oh, we've barely begun Clinton"

"Natasha's taught you well"

"Forget about her, it's just you and me right now"

"Oh really?"

"You and me, all alone. God, the things I would do to you"

"He's still got it" Clint joked, taking a swig of beer as Steve walked away

"Never lost it"

"Please, I doubt you ever had it" Natasha laughed

"You don't give me nearly enough credit Natasha"

"You're forgetting I was the one in charge of your training. I taught you everything you know Soldier"

"Stop flirting you two. The man has a girlfriend"

"She's not my…I give up"

"Aha!"

"Arghhhhh" Tony screamed, jumping into Thor's arms as fireworks went off in the distance.

"You're pathetic" Wanda muttered

"It just caught me by surprise. Anyway, those are lame fireworks"

"Here we go"

"This year, I've designed my own set of fireworks that I think may just break New York"

"Figuratively or literally"

"Hopefully a bit of both"

"Tony" Pepper warned

"Figuratively, definitely figuratively" Tony corrected, though winked at them when Pepper's back was turned.

"Alright everyone, call your secret girlfriends, find a spot and get ready for the greatest show in the galaxy" Tony bigged up

"Definitely exaggerating"

"Definitely not"

* * *

Natasha had found them an isolated spot out of sight of the others, setting up a blanket and snuggling into Steve's side as they waited for Tony's ultra mega awesome fireworks.

"So how bad are these going to be?"

"I don't know. He's either gonna blow up New York or make a fireworks display that will never be forgotten"

"I'll cheers to that" Steve laughed, clinking his glass with hers. Fireworks started shooting out from the other side of the roof

"Happy Birthday"

"Happy fourth of July"

"I'm Russian. I don't celebrate today"

"Well then, happy 'day that it's acceptable to get really drunk' day"

"Much better" she kissed him gently, tucking her head into the crook of his neck and looking back up at the sky.

"They're beautiful"

"Yeah, they really are"

"I love you Nat"

"I know" she didn't say it back, but he was fine with that. He knew how she felt about him, he didn't need her to say it, despite the fact he wished she would. He pressed a kiss into her hair, wrapping his arm around her.

"Come on Soldier. It's about time I gave you your birthday present" she dropped her tone, whispering in his ear seductively.

"You didn't have to get me anything" he didn't seem to pick up on her tone, so instead she stood up, offering him her hand

"Who said it's for you?" she teased as she took his hand and led him off the roof, swaying her hips ever so slightly.

"You are naughty Agent Romanoff"

"Then punish me Captain"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't really check this so if there are any spelling mistakes or sentences that don't make sense, please let me know. If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I’ll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.


	11. The End of the Road

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry for this chapter. Like really sorry. I don’t know where the idea came from or why, but I just had to write it. Don’t worry, everything will sort itself out in the end, I think. I haven’t quite decided, but I hope you enjoy anyway.

It happened in slow motion. She watched as he tripped, the food flying off the plates as they slid out his hands, smashing on the floor. Steve had lovingly made them dinner, dinner that was scattered all over the floor.

"Oh shit. You okay?" she sat up, leaning on the back of the couch to look at him

"Yeah, no thanks to you and your stupid shoes" he grumbled. She looked down, noticing her shoes lying on the floor where she had thrown them earlier

"I'm so sorry. I didn't realise I'd left them there" she apologised "I'll help you clean up"

"No, you'll cut yourself, you're not wearing anything on your feet" he pushed her back onto the couch when she went to get up.

"Pass me my shoes" she said when she couldn't reach them from where she was sitting

"If it wasn't for your damn shoes we wouldn't be in this position in the first place. If you just put them away every now and then" he complained, grabbing a towel to clean up the floor

"At least I throw away the empty milk cartons" this was the third time they'd fought this week. Once about the milk, another about the laundry and now one about her shoes.

"Don't turn this around on me. Put your damn shoes away" he growled at her. She seemed taken aback by his tone, but he couldn't seem to bring himself to care.

"And what if I don't want to?" she asked, batting her eyelashes at him

"We are not having sex right now Natasha" Steve threw his hands in the air in exasperation

"I know that"

"We can't have sex every time we have an argument. We have to talk about things like adults" he groaned in exasperation

"I never suggested that we were going to have sex" she argued back

"God, you're unbelievable" he sighed, giving up any hope of cleaning up the mess

"Oh I'm unbelievable? What about you?" she bit back

"What about me?" he asked in shock, narrowing his eyes at her

"I'm not about to do this right now" she sighed, sitting down on the sofa, her head in her hands

"Well we have to do it sometime. We can't keep putting off this conversation" he retaliated. They kept having the same conversations over and over, and quite frankly he was done with her attitude.

"Well maybe I don't want to have this conversation" she snapped

"Fine"

"Fine"

"Good"

"Good" They lulled into an uncomfortable silence, Steve bouncing his knee nervously.

"Can you stop?" she snapped, glaring at him before folding her hands back in her lap.

"Look, I'm gonna go" she got up off the couch, unable to take the silence anymore

"Natasha" he looked up at her, pain in his eyes.

"It's fine Steve, really. We're good, I'll see you later" They both knew that it wasn't fine, and that they couldn't keep ignoring their problems, but fighting was getting them nowhere. Time to cool off was what they both needed. Probably. Hopefully.

* * *

Missions. Sometimes they went well, other times they did not. Sometimes it was a combination of the two. This was one of those times.

"Rogers, what's your status?" she asked over the comms

"All civilians are clear, moving in on the compound now"

"Copy that, you need backup?"

"I've got the east side, send reinforcements for the west and south. You and Barton move in on the north"

"Copy that Captain" They closed in on the building, sneaking through the shadows. The north side of the building was sparsely guarded, so they were able to get in without being seen.

"This is too easy" Clint said

"Cap, you experiencing any resistance on your side?" she asked through the comms

"Nothing"

"Same" Lewis said. He was the current leader of the strike team. He was a good guy, though when on missions with half the Avengers, he often got nervous.

"What are our orders?"

"Continue with caution. We're probably walking into a trap"

"We're definitely walking into a trap"

"Thank you Natasha. We're walking into a trap, continue as planned. Romanoff, Barton, get the information and get back out. Strike, take out as many of these soldiers as possible, remember they may be powered, but we need that information. That's the priority here"

"Yes sir" They infiltrated the building, tracking down what looked like a computer lab. She immediately rushed over to a computer, plugging in the hard drive and downloading any information she could get.

"We have a problem" Clint's worried voice rang out

"What is it?" Steve asked

"The building's rigged to blow. Everyone evacuate now, timers on 3 minutes and counting" there was scrambling over the comms, everyone shouting orders at their men

"You got everything Tash?" Clint asked. She pulled the hard drive out of the computer

"Yep, all done. Let's get out of here" they got out the building with time to spare and were waiting at a safe distance for Steve and one of the strike teams.

"Rogers, you've got 30 seconds" the other strike team had returned, but Steve was yet to surface.

"I know. I'll be out" he reassured them

"What the hell are you doing Rogers?" Natasha asked, a mixture of concern and anger in her voice

"Relax would you, I'm here" Steve skidded up besides them, holding a ginger tabby cat.

"A cat? You went back in for a fucking cat?" she hissed at him

"Can we not do this now?" he asked sharply, turning back to the team

"Whatever" she waved him off, letting him give out orders, though she wasn't listening. It took Clint nudging her to bring her back to the present.

"Just breathe Tash. Keep your calm until we get back, then go off at him. You don't need to fight in front of the other agents" She stewed in silence for the entirety of the flight back, starring daggers at the back of Steve's head.

* * *

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?" she yelled at him. They'd landed, debriefed and made it all the way back to the tower before she lost her cool. She was fuming, and as soon as she could she dragged him into the nearest room, which just happened to be a meeting room.

"NO, I'M NOT, 'FUCKING KIDDING YOU RIGHT NOW NATASHA'" he mocked her. He'd so badly wanted to keep calm and have this conversation like normal people, but clearly Natasha had decided that wasn't the best course of action.

"YOU MADE A STUPID DECISION THAT COULD'VE KILLED YOU" she screamed at him.

"WELL I'M STILL ALIVE SO CLEARLY I SHOULD'VE TRIED HARDER" he quipped, yelling back just as loud.

"YOU ARE SO FUCKING PREDICTABLE ROGERS. YOU AND YOUR STUPID SAVIOUR COMPLEX. IT WAS A FUCKING CAT" Why couldn't he understand why she was so angry at him?

"IT WASN'T JUST A CAT. IT WAS ABOUT DOING THE RIGHT THING"

"A CAT IS NOT A PERSON STEVE. IT'S A PRETTY LARGE JUMP FROM CAT TO HUMAN"

"WELL I'M SO SORRY YOU'RE SO OBSESSED WITH SAVING PEOPLE TO MAKE UP YOUR PAST"

"THAT'S DIFFERENT" she defended

"HOW? HOW IS THAT ANY FUCKING DIFFERENT?"

"BECAUSE IT IS AND YOU KNOW IT"

"AT LEAST I DON'T PRETEND I'M NOT INJURED WHEN I AM. I'D RATHER DIE IN THE FIELD OVER AN INFECTION THREE DAYS LATER"

"GOOD FOR YOU! NOT ALL OF US CAN BE CAPTAIN FUCKING AMERICA" She threw a lamp at him in rage, missing and smashing the glass wall behind him. They both knew she missed on purpose, if she had wanted to hit him, she would've.

"That's a little extreme don't you think?" Steve commented, causing her to flare her nostrils at him, a fire burning in her eyes

"That's a little rich coming from you don't you think? After that stunt you pulled earlier" she mocked

"Pity there's no shoes lying around for you to throw at me"

"YOU LITTLE FUCKING-" she cut herself off as she threw a punch at him violently, though he ducked before she could make contact. He threw the first thing his hands found on the table, which happened to be a large folder, hitting her squarely in the chest and knocking her back. Neither of them actually wanted to hurt the other, but they both needed to get out their frustrations, and this was normal for them. Well, they usually sparred in a much more controlled environment, but this was fine too. She promptly had him on the floor in seconds, pinning his arms above his head. Normally when they ended up like this whilst sparring, they would kiss or flirt with one another, but this fight was pure rage from both of them. They fought hard and long, neither pulling their punches until the meeting room was well and truly destroyed. They sat next to each other on the floor, broken glass and furniture surrounding them.

"This is ridiculous" Natasha almost laughed, assessing the state of the room.

"I know, we shouldn't fight like this" Steve replied, looking at her

"No, I mean us. I care about you so much, but I can't keep doing this if you keep acting like you don't give a shit about yourself" It was harsh, but she had to accept that if they never talked, nothing would ever change

"Well I can't keep doing this if you can't accept that sometimes I have to put myself in the line of fire to save others" he retaliated quickly, instantly regretting his tone and sending a small smile over to her.

"I can't do that Steve" she confessed, frowning slightly

"Well neither can I" he replied softly

"Do you think maybe we rushed into this whole thing?" she asked quietly, almost afraid to say the words.

"Maybe. I think we need some time apart right now. To think everything over, see if we actually want this"

"I think that would be for the best" They drifted into silence, not awkward but not comfortable either, both trying to delay the inevitable

"I really don't want to lose you" she admitted, looking into his eyes

"Me either, but this isn't working, and I think we both have to accept that whatever we may feel for each other, maybe isn't the most practical"

"Maybe the idea is better than the reality"

"Yeah" Steve said, getting up from where he was sitting, offering her a hand up. She took it, hauling herself off the floor before coming face to face with him

"Goodbye Steve"

"Bye Nat" they both left the room, going in separate directions. To most people it probably seemed cold and heartless, but to them it was the job. Get it done quickly and efficiently, no room for sentimentality. But that didn't mean that as soon as she was out of sight she didn't collapse onto the floor, head in hands, trying to stop the flow of tears and failing miserably. She tried to calm herself down, concentrate on her breathing, but she couldn't overcome the blinding pain in her chest.

"Natasha?" she heard the tentative voice of Tony from the other end of the hallway. She quickly wiped her tears away, looking up at him with a stoic face

"Hey Stark. Ummm, sorry about the meeting room, there was a bit of an accident and it's kinda wrecked" she apologised quickly, keeping all emotion out of her voice

"I don't care. Is everything okay?" he asked gently. It seemed weird, him being kind without any ulterior motive, and it took her by surprise.

"Yeah, everything's fine" she was a master of deception, she could keep her cool in front of Tony Stark for more than ten seconds.

"You sure?" Goddammit Stark. She could control herself, Tony was not getting the satisfaction of seeing her cry.

"Yeah, all good" she felt a tear roll down her face despite her best efforts. She frantically wiped them away, pushing her head down desperate for him not to see.

"Fuck" she finally gave in, reduced to a quivering mess in the middle of a hallway. She expected Tony to leave, she wouldn't blame him. They weren't exactly the most open with each other at the best of times, let alone now, so when he sat next to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulder she was surprised to say the least.

"If you tell anyone about this-" she threatened, though unable to look at him

"You'll kill me?" he laughed, causing her lips to turn up slightly

"I was actually gonna say cut off your balls but yeah"

"Don't worry, your secrets safe with me Red"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I’ll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.


	12. Hulking Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I’m currently on holiday so I’m uploading these from my iPad so apologies if there’s lots of spelling errors and such. Please tell me so I can correct them. Anyway, I hope you enjoy and I apologise for the lack of regular updates in the next few weeks.

A month had passed. A long hard month of stony silences and awkward small talk. The rest of the tower's residents had quickly realised that something was wrong, but since none of them knew they were dating in the first place, it had been easy to keep everything under wraps. Although, she didn't really know what had been going on in the tower as of late, as she had being living at her old apartment. She hadn't sold any of her old places, none of them had even after they moved into the tower, just in case they needed them. Granted, this wasn't quite how she expected to need it, hiding out from her ex-boyfriend and all her other friends, but she needed it all the same. She just didn't think she could face anyone, let alone risk a run in with Steve unprovoked.

Currently, she was out buying more ice cream. She'd never actually broken up with someone before, but all the movies seemed to point towards ice cream as a solution, and it seemed to work.

"I've seen you round here a lot lately" the lady on the cashier mentioned as she was trying to pay. This is what she got for forgetting her card and having to go to a register.

"I recently moved back to the area" the lady took a look at what she was buying, a few pints of ice cream, chocolate, and tissues, all the breakup essentials, according to the movies.

"Rough breakup?" the woman was much older than her, and had clearly lived her life, though she had not lost that sparkle in her eyes, that hope for life.

"Yeah, that's one way of putting it" she chuckled, though it was strained

"Well cheer up hun, he clearly wasn't worth it" the woman smiled at her kindly, scanning her items.

"Yeah, thanks" she quickly paid for her items and left. The lady was wrong though, Steve was worth it, always had been, always would be. God she wished it could've worked, but it was for the best. They weren't practical, and anyway, she wasn't good for him. She couldn't give him the life he deserved, the life that he wanted, the life Captain America wanted. It was easier this way, let him figure out that he was better off without her. At the moment, her current plan was to hide out for a few more weeks before going into to shield and distracting herself with missions and fieldwork, hopefully where she could avoid Steve for even longer. In the meantime, she would eat ice cream and watch crappy movies and wallow in her own self pity. That was healthy right?

* * *

There was a knock at the door. Clint was the only person who knew where her apartment was, so she had no reservations about opening the door in her pyjamas, with a spoon hanging out her mouth, ice cream in hand.

"Tony?" she asked surprised, furrowing her eyebrows as she saw him at the door

"Mind if I come in?" she moved to let him in, shutting the door behind him as he sat on her couch

"How did you find this place?" she asked, still standing by the door, slightly she’ll shocked. 

"Barton told me. He's on a mission, but he's worried about you, we all are" he admitted, throwing a used tissue in the bin and scrunching up his face in disgust. 

"All of you?" she asked, eyebrows raised. She had no idea what Steve was doing, she'd fled the tower before she could find out, but she was sure he wasn't concerned.

"Yes, all of us. Look, I don't know what happened, and I don't need to know, that's your business, but I know the tower isn't the same without you, or Rogers"

"What d'you mean?" she asked in confusion. As far as she knew, Steve was still living in the tower. 

"The tower's quiet without you, and with Clint on a mission or at his home-" Tony tried to clarify but she cut him off before he could continue. 

"No, I meant about Steve" she clarified, trying to look as unaffected as possibly..

"Oh, he disappeared, much like you did. At least he's come round a few times to let us know he's still alive" Tony explained, flicking on the tv distractedly. 

"Steve's not at the tower?" She furrowed her eyebrows as she asked the question. She moved out so she wouldn’t have to see him and he wasn’t even there. 

"No, he's at his apartment in Brooklyn" he said, scrolling through the channels until he finally landed on a random film from the 40’s. 

"Typical" she sighed, sitting down on the arm of the sofa

"Whatever happened Natasha, you and Cap need to make up" Tony turned to face her, one leg crossed over the other and a serious look on his face

"We don't need to make up, there's nothing wrong between us" she deflected

"My meeting room begs to differ, and so does Steve's bedroom window, Oh, and the garage. Not to mention your breakdown" he counted on his hands. She had a pretty good idea of what happened to Steve’s window, but she couldn’t begin to imagine what happened to the garage. 

"It wasn't a breakdown" she argued, though she knew he was right. She hated herself for letting anyone, especially Tony see that side of her. She didn’t need people constantly worried about her mental state. 

"Yes it was, and don't worry, I haven't told anyone, but the fact you both moved out a few hours later says that something happened between you" Tony had clearly thought about the situation, and had clearly come to his own solutions. Solutions that happened to be right but she wasn’t about to tell him that. 

"We weren't dating Stark" Blatant lie. But it seemed wrong to tell everyone that they were together now that they weren't.

"I never said that. Besides, you couldn't keep it from me if you were, but Clint told me how mad you were at him after your last mission"

"Yeah? Well he was reckless and stupid"

"That may be, but that's who he is. You can't blame him"

"It's not quite that simple Tony"

"It can be" he posed. She considered his words for a second. Maybe it really could be that easy, but then she remembered the long list of reasons why they broke up in the first place and everything seemed munch more complicated again. 

"What did you come here for? Because whilst I'm really appreciating this heart to heart, you don't do things without an ulterior motive" she changed the subject. She was done with the heart to heart, if it could even be called that. 

"I did come here on behalf of Barton, but you're right. We need you" Tony admitted

"I'm sure Steve can do it" she scoffed slightly, getting up and grabbing her ice cream from where she’d dumped it on the table earlier, taking a bite from her spoon. 

"The lullaby's not working anymore Natasha. Not properly, Bruce wants to find a new way to calm the Hulk down, and you're the only person the Hulk trusts enough to not kill" he told her, stealing her spoon off her and eating what was left on in. 

"I'm flattered" she considered what Tony had said. She couldn't stop her life just because she didn't want to run into Steve, and he wasn't even living at the tower, the chances of bumping into him were low. And Bruce was right, the lullaby wasn't working anymore, it hadn't for a while, and they needed to fix it. They couldn't risk civilians getting killed when they needed a code green.

"I'll be there tomorrow"

"Thank you"

"No problem"  
"And Natasha, I'd try wine if I were you, it's much more effective than ice cream"

* * *

The Hulk had always had a soft spot for Natasha, something which baffled them all, but ever since the incident on the helicarrier, the Hulk had never tried to hurt her, much unlike the other Avengers, who had come into the Hulks line of fire many times. That was why her and Bruce were currently stood in a forest just outside New York City, alone with minimal contact with Tony.

"You don't have to do this if you don't want to Bruce" she told him, leaning against a tree

"Yes we do. Are you clear on what you have to do?" he asked

"Yep. I trust you Bruce" he nodded in answer, before turning away, contorting in pain as he Hulked up. He let out a loud roar, causing her to back away slightly.

"Hey big guy" he quietened at her words, looking at her curiously

"Sun's getting real low" another roar.

"Good to know, don't say that again" he started moving towards her

"Hulk, calm down buddy. We're alone, no one's going to hurt you here" speaking softly, she stood her ground. Moving away from him never did any good, although she was starting to think that not moving wasn't going to do her any good.

"It's just me, Natasha. I'm not going to put you or Bruce in danger" Something she had learnt early on is that the Hulk was scared for Bruce. He just wanted to protect Bruce, so when he thought there was danger, he would come out. Similarly, if there was already danger, he didn't like to go back if he thought there was a risk to Bruce. He stopped at her words, and she thought she had finally cracked the key to taming the Hulk.

"ASHA?" he roared

"Yeah, it's me big guy. Look at me, I'm okay, I'm safe, so are you, it's okay" Maybe she had finally figured out the Hulk, or maybe she hadn't she mused as he picked her up and threw her across the forest. Her vision blurred as she passed out when she landed. The Hulk roared as she hit the ground hard, rolling quickly as she hit a tree. Bruce managed to regained control for long enough to calm down, twisting painfully as he returned. He quickly ran over to Natasha, rolling her over and checking her pulse. She still had one thank god. She wasn't bleeding save for a few scrapes, she was quite lucky when he thought about it. He took her phone out her pocket, dialling Tony. It seemed to ring for eternity before he picked up

"Everything okay?" Tony asked. He had no visuals on them, so had no idea what was going on.

"Uhhh Tony, I think the big guy did something bad" Bruce said panicked

"What did you do?" Tony asked, concern already seeping into his voice

"I knocked out Natasha"

* * *

"I think we learnt how to tame the Hulk though" Tony commented, giving her an ice pack for her head, before throwing one to Bruce who gingerly placed it over her ribs as she lay down on the couch.

"I'm not getting knocked out every time we want Bruce back" she countered, groaning as she shifted slightly.

"And I'm not knocking her out every time we want the Hulk gone" Bruce added, sitting down in the armchair.

"Alright, it was just an observation" Tony defended, putting his hands in the air in surrender

"Although, it might not be a bad idea" Bruce started

"Absolutely not. Look, I love you Bruce, but a concussion and broken ribs are not worth it" she told him, tilting her head to look at him.

"Agreed, but when you got hurt, the Hulk lost control, almost like he felt bad" Bruce tried to explain, but he couldn't figure out the words to describe the feeling.

"So what? We make Hulk feel?" she asked

"Maybe, if we make the Hulk think that we're injured, maybe he'll feel bad enough that Bruce can regain control" Tony suggested

"Well count me out. At least I'll get some medical leave so I can-"

"Avoid Cap?" Tony interrupted

"That wasn't what I was going to say" she argued, though her head was pounding too loud to actually form any sort of argument.

"Speak of the devil" Bruce said, turning around to face Steve who just walked in the room

"How'd it go?" Steve asked. She shrunk into the couch, although she knew he couldn't see her anyway. She was glaring at Tony though, who simply shrugged.

"I'm gonna kill you" she whispered. Tony may not have known the whole situation between them, but he was meddling and she didn't appreciate it.

"Not great" Bruce replied, unaware of their conversation

"Well you're back to Bruce so it can't have gone that bad" he commented

"Yeah, well turns out the Hulk doesn't like Natasha anymore" Bruce said, glancing over to her.

"Nat's here?" She couldn't figure what he was thinking, and she didn't like it. She used to know everything about him, and now she couldn't even figure out surprise from shock from anger.

"Hey" she waved her hand over the top of the couch, making her presence known, although didn't bother moving the rest of her body. It hurt too much. He walked round the side of the sofa, looking at her. God this was weird. When she imagined seeing Steve for the first time, she didn't imagine it with broken ribs and a migraine that just wouldn't quit.

"What happened?" his voice changed as he looked at her, so small on the giant couch. It was gentler, and full of care, just like it would've been before…before they broke up

"Bruce threw me into a tree" she quipped dryly

"My bad" Tony not very subtly elbowed Bruce in the ribs, gesturing for them to leave the room. Not that Natasha or Steve noticed. They were too busy avoiding looking at each other to pay attention to either of them as they snuck out.

"You okay?" he asked gently, although he didn't sit down. Part of her wished he would, that they could go back to normal, but that was wishful thinking, and it would never happen. This was just their new normal now. 

"Yeah, it just hurts" the ice pack resting on her ribs shifted as she spoke, causing her to wince as she tried to move it back.

"Here" he said, picking it up and placing it back, applying gentle pressure to her stomach, finally sitting down next to her.

"Uhhh, thanks" they sat in silence for a while, the only noises were her slight wincing as she adjusted her position every now and then.

"So it didn't go well then?" he laughed, smiling ever so slightly.

"You could say that" she chuckled, wincing at the flash of pain it sent through her

"Did you learn something at least?" he asked, cocking his head to the side slightly. 

"We think we have an idea of what could work" she didn’t try to explain it, she knew Bruce and Tony would fill him in later.

"You're not trying again until you know it's going to work" Steve ordered her, his voice in Captain America mode

"Steve, you can't stop me from doing what I want to" she bit back at him. She hated talking to him like that, but it was the only way it didn’t hurt to see him.

"I'm not saying that as your ex Natasha. I'm saying it as the person in charge of this team, we can't lose you as an asset" his words stung, but at least she knew he was moving on from her. It was better that way, that's what she was telling herself anyway.

"I should go home, get some rest. You should stay, have a drink with Tony and Bruce, I think they need it, especially Bruce. I'll see you later" she got up off the couch, wincing slightly but shrugging it off as usual.

"Yeah, that's a good idea. I'll ummm… I'll see you soon though. I miss hanging out with you"

"Me too" she made her exit, sighing as she got in the elevator. She was an emotional balloon, and she felt like she was about to blow up, and it wasn't just because of her headache. Seeing Steve again had her emotionally raw, and she wasn't sure how to process everything. She thought she'd gotten over him, but she was realising now that maybe she wasn't coping well. She finally gave into her instincts all week, pulling out her phone and dialling quickly

"Clint?" she asked nervously, glancing around the elevator as if someone else was there. 

"Natasha? Thank god. Are you okay?" he immediately picked up on her tone

"No" her voice sounded weak and broken as she admitted it, and she hated it. She hated sounding as broken as she actually was, even with Clint. 

"What's going on?" he asked her gently, trying to be as calming as possible. 

"Can you get back to New York? I think I need to talk"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.


	13. Much Needed Advice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: So some people are going to talk some much needed sense into Steve and Natasha. Some of this doesn’t read entirely right to me but I hope you enjoy anyway!

Clint had told her to meet him at the farm, which she appreciated. It was nice to get out of the city for a while, and she wondered why she didn't do it more often. It was so much easier to think without all the distractions and the noise that was constant in New York, and getting to see her favourite people in the world was just a bonus. She'd been reluctant at first, she knew she was in a fragile state, and she didn't want the kids or even Laura to see her that way. She pulled up to the farmhouse, shutting off the engine. She pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes, sighing before getting out. She grabbed her bag from the passenger seat before slamming the door shut, wincing slightly as it reverberated through the open surroundings. She walked up to the door, gravel crunching underneath her feet. Laura opened the door as she approached, immediately smiling at her. She couldn’t bring herself to smile back at her, and Laura’s smile faded, eyebrows furrowed as she tried to gauge the mood. 

"Oh honey, come here" Laura opened her arms to her, and suddenly she just couldn't keep it all in anymore. She practically fell into her arms, crying into her shoulder, actual proper tears as she completely lost control. Laura led her inside, sitting her down on the couch and making her a cup of tea.

"We broke up" Natasha finally said three cups of tea later, having stopped sobbing.

"What happened? Last Clint said the pair of you were happy" Laura didn't need to be told they'd broken up, Natasha was sure Clint had already told her everything he knew, but she appreciated the effort. 

"We're not compatible" she said simply, wiping her eyes with her sleeve

"Bull" Laura scoffed, handing her another cup of tea and sitting down next to her. 

"We just can't agree on anything. It wasn't going to work out" she deflected, hugging a pillow to her stomach. 

"Explain" she demanded, setting down her mug on the table

"I leave my shoes everywhere, he always puts empty milk cartons back in the fridge. We're constantly arguing, it's exhausting" she knew it was a weak argument, but how could she possibly actually voice what was wrong when she didn't even know it herself?

"Every couple argues about that sort of stuff. Believe it or not, that's normal. You're out of the honeymoon phase, welcome to the real world. Not everything can be perfect all the time Nat. Relationships are about compromises, you do something for him, he does something for you"

"That's not it though. He doesn't understand that his life is worth more than others sometimes. He'll risk his life even if it means only saving one person. And I respect that. But it's unnecessary half the time. And he'll never stop doing that"

"Okay, that's not normal couple stuff, but have you thought about what he feels?" Laura posed, taking Natasha’s now empty mug and putting in on the table. 

"He doesn't-" she started before Laura cut her off

"Are you seriously telling me you've never put yourself in danger unnecessarily?" she asked, raising her eyebrows at her

"Well no, but-"

"Then he could feel the exact same"

"Yeah but I don't think-" she tried to say, but Laura cut her off again before she could continue. 

"Natasha" she warned, halting Natasha’s fast flowing words. 

"Alright. Fine. Maybe it might be potentially possible that Steve feels the same. But that's not the point" Natasha conceded, sighing loudly. 

"Then what is Tash?" she asked gently

"I don't know…it's just…I don't know what all these emotions are, and I don't want to hurt him. So this is just easier" she could feel tears start to form in her eyes as she spoke, and she rubbed her eyes frantically with her jumper to stop them. 

"I'm gonna give you a hard truth here Nat. You've pushed people away your entire life, because you had to. You've lived through some tough shit and you had to do it to survive. But you don't anymore, and pushing the people who care about you away is just going to hurt you, and them. I've never seen you happier than you've been recently, don't throw that all away because you're afraid Nat" she hugged Natasha softly, rubbing her arm though she kept her gaze hard. 

"I'm not afraid…just scared" she admitted quietly, and if Laura wasn’t so close, she probably wouldn’t have heard. 

"The two are synonymous" Laura pointing out, a small smile on her face. 

"I just don't know what to do Laura" The tears were threatening to spill out now, and she couldn’t seem to stop them. 

"Why don't you talk to him?" Laura asked kindly

"And admit I was wrong. No chance in hell" she laughed, diverting her gaze away from Laura. 

"So you dumped him?" she asked in clarification. 

"I didn't dump him" Natasha defended

"He dumped you?" Laura asked in shock, unconvinced he would do that. 

"It was mutual, sorta. I just don't know what I should do. Or if I should even do something" Laura had never seen Natasha this uncertain or wound up about anything before. She’d known from what Clint said they had something special, but she hadn’t realised until now quite how special it was. 

"Do you see a future with him?" she asked, looking deeply into Natasha’s eyes to find an answer

"I'm sorry?" Natasha was taken aback by the question. Regardless, she thought seriously about the question. Did she see a future with Steve? She honestly didn’t know. 

"Do you see a future with him?" Laura repeated

"It doesn't matter what I want" she said, curling her legs up to her chest, looking down at her feet. It was an obvious tell, and she couldn’t figure out if she was doing it on purpose or not. 

"Natasha" Laura admonished, clearly unhappy with her answer. She saw a tear fall down Natasha’s cheek, wiping it away gently but not mentioning it. 

"I just don't want to hurt him, and I will if I let our relationship continue" she tried to explain, but even she couldn’t properly understand her own thinking. 

"I think it's too late for that Tash" Laura joked, smiling at her. She hoped Natasha would at least crack a small smile, but nothing. 

"Isn't it better for him to hurt now than for me to lead him on only to hurt him more?" Natasha asked, hiccuping slightly as she tried to hold back heavy sobs. 

"That depends"

"On what?" she asked, clueless. 

"Were you leading him on?" Laura didn’t believe she was, but it didn’t matter what she thought. It only mattered what Natasha thought about everything. 

"No" she said almost defensively

"So he's hurting, you're hurting. Why? Don't you want to be happy?"

"Of course I do. Just...just not with Steve"

"I'm sorry?"

"He's so good, and kind, and I'm so...not. I don't deserve him, and he doesn't deserve me. He wants a nice, normal life with a wife, two and a half kids and a dog. And I can't give that to him, let alone decide if I even want it"

"And how do you know all this?" Laura asked, almost rolling her eyes at her. 

"I...I just do. He's Captain fucking America for gods sake" Natasha buried her face in her hands in frustration. 

"So you ended things with him because you think, emphasis on think, that he wants a normal life. Maybe he doesn't want that" she posed. For a spy, she really could be thick sometimes. 

"I know he does"

"Have you asked him?" Laura asked

"Well no, but-"

"Once upon a time, all that was probably true, but things might've changed for him" Laura said, getting up from the couch and grabbing the mugs. 

"I doubt it" she scoffed

"You won't know unless you ask" she called back from the kitchen. They lulled into a comfortable silence, Natasha slurping her tea quietly.

"So where are the kids?" she finally asked

"It's 11am on a Thursday Nat, they're at school" Laura laughed

"Huh, I forgot school was a thing"

* * *

"So, what happened?" Pepper finally managed to corner Steve in her office. She'd been trying to find either Steve or Natasha for the last month, with very little success. So she viewed this as a personal victory, the pair were hard enough to find when they weren't hiding, let alone when they were.

"I have no clue what you're talking about" Steve played dumb, sitting casually on the couch.

"Cut the crap Steve. D'you really expect me to believe that both you and Natasha move out of the tower and are both unseen for a month. So you either moved in with each other outside the tower, or you broke up. I'm willing to bet the latter" she lent against her desk, folding her arms and narrowing her eyes at him. 

"It's really complicated Pepper. You really don't want to know" he deflected

"I really do, now spill" she moved across the room, sitting down in the armchair and crossing her legs.

"We broke up" he said bluntly, having resigned himself to the conversation

"I figured that on out. Why?" Pepper almost laughed as she asked the question. Did they really think she was stupid enough not to realise?

"I don't know" he said simply, drumming his fingers against the leather of the sofa. 

"You don't know?" she repeated, raising her eyebrows at him. 

"Yes, I don't know. One day we were fine, and then we started arguing and then we broke up" That was a lie. He did have some idea why they broke up, but everything happened so quickly it was a blur to him, a blur he didn’t particularly like dwelling on. 

"You know Tony and I broke up once, well twice" she told him, sitting down opposite him. 

"Really? I had no idea" Steve was shocked to say the least. He knew Tony and Pepper weren’t without their issues, but he never realised it had ever gotten that bad before. 

"Well the first time was before we met any of you. We were building this very tower and we started arguing. We couldn't see eye to eye and decide to end things before it got messy"

"I thought you were together when we met" he said, furrowing his eyebrows as he tried to remember back that far. 

"We were, Tony's very good at apologising to me" Pepper laughed, seemingly looking back at the time. 

"What did he say?" Steve asked, suddenly very curious about Pepper and Tony's relationship. 

"That's irrelevant. What works on me won't work on Natasha, assuming you want her back" Pepper said, asking the real question. If he didn’t even want Natasha back, then there was no point in even having this conversation. 

"I don't even know if I do. We wouldn't work in the long term, it's just easier to cut our losses" he said coldly. In his head, he knew it wasn’t true, but it was easier to think of it that way. 

"A relationship isn't a tactical decision Steve. You can't weigh up the pros and cons of it. If you do, it's never going to work. Love is a feeling, and you can't make sense of it. If you could, it would defeat the point of it existing in the first place” Pepper got up, pouring a glass of scotch for each of them. 

"You said you broke up twice, when was the second time?" he asked, bending over and taking the offered drink. 

"Before Ultron. I got hurt and Tony promised he would give up Iron Man, but he couldn't. We figured things out, and we're stronger than ever, but for him to balance his two lives was difficult”

"So he compromised?" he clarified. It’s not that he didn’t think that little of Tony, but he never would’ve thought he’d be willing to give up Iron Man. Maybe Pepper had a point. 

"Yes, but I did too. I told him I'd spend more time with him, that's why we have a weekly date night. We needed a way to talk to each other without getting caught up in work, or superheroes. Relationships are all about compromise Steve, it doesn't matter how much you give up, if Natasha can't do the same it's never going to work. But you have to meet in the middle" Pepper gave him the hard truth, and whilst he knew it was true, he wasn’t sure if him and Natasha could do that. 

"And what if we can't?" he voiced his thoughts

"Then I'd say you break up, but you've already done that" she smirked slightly

"That's really useful advice. Thanks so much Pepper" he said dryly, cocking his head to one side

"You've really been spending too much time with Natasha" Pepper laughed, though Steve didn't seem amused

"Well we saw how well that went" he quipped back, though he had a sad look in his eyes

"Look, do you want my advice or not?" she asked bluntly. 

"Technically you came to me" he pointed out. Pepper arched an eyebrow at him, challenging his statement

"Okay, I might need some help. I just don't think Natasha wants to hear it"

"And why do you think that?"

"You're like a teacher" he commented, sounding snarkier than he meant to. 

"Well this teacher will give you detention if you don't answer her question" she indulged him in the joke, not taking offence. That’s what he loved about Pepper, things just rolled off her back like that. 

"Every time anything went wrong, it's like she was constantly looking for a fight"

"Maybe she was"

"What d'you mean?"

"Look, you're terrible at relationships, we've already covered that, but has it ever occurred to you that Natasha knows ever less than you do? I mean for gods sake, she was kidnapped as a child and raised into an assassin. She was taught that love is a weakness, she's probably terrified"

"I don't get what this has to do with me"

"You're useless. She's scared of hurting you Steve, so she pushed you away and you let her. And there are probably some deep, deep, underlying problems that you need to sort out because from what I can tell, your relationship wasn't healthy, but they're not the end of the world. If you really want to, you can fix things between the two of you, but it cant be one sided. You cant force her into anything she doesn't want, and equally she cant force you into anything, because you'll both end up miserable"

"Thanks Pepper"

"Anytime. That's what I'm here for. Sort out the Avengers social problems and occasionally run a business" she joked, getting up from the chair. 

"I'll let you get on with that then" he chuckled, mirroring her actions. 

"I mean it Steve, anytime you want" Pepper pulled him into a hug, unexpected but good. He flashed her a smile before leaving, stewing over her words. Could he actually fix things between them, or was it pointless to try and get Natasha back? Was she actually worth all the pain and anger? Yes, of course the answer was yes. Natasha would always be worth it, but he wasn't sure he was able to face the heartbreak of her fully rejecting him. Maybe it was easier to move on. But then again, it was Natasha.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.


	14. Rising out of the Ashes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha and Steve get forced to talk through their issues after the elevator breaks down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter we’ve all been waiting for, at least I have so I hope you have too. I hope you enjoy, after all, this chapter is the reason I decided to break them up in the first place.

Things were still tense between the two of them since their breakup, as was expected, but they were still partners professionally. They both asked Fury for a reassignment, but he refused, leaving them in an awkward middle ground. They got the job done as always, quickly and effectively, but travelling to and from locations was rough. They were civil enough, but they weren't exactly great company. They had gotten back to the tower, getting in the elevator in silence as they travelled up to the kitchen. She leant against the wall, crossing her arms as the elevator shuddered and stopped.

"What the…"

"I think we're stuck"

"You think?" she said sarcastically

"Well I don't know, call Stark" he quipped back. They'd been in each other's company non-stop for the last 48 hours, and they were well past being sick of each other.

"Alright, calm down" she didn't mean for her voice to sound as condescending as it came out, and she could tell Steve took some offence.

"I'll do it then shall I?" he asked, raising his eyebrow

"Sorry, sorry. I'll do, it'll take you five years to find his contact" she said, not being able to stop making fun of him despite herself

"Oh you are something" he muttered as she dialled Tony

"Блядь" she swore, hanging up the phone

"No answer?" Steve asked

"Nope" she said, pocketing the phone and sitting down

"What are you doing?" he questioned

"I'm sitting down. I'm sore and we're probably going to be here a while before Stark gets his shit together" she explained. He paused, before sitting down on the other side of the elevator, letting the silence fall over them once more.

* * *

Tony was in the middle of fixing the fridge after Clint had broken by slamming the door shut after finding out there was no bacon.

"Clint, pop down to by lab and get my spanner would you? It's on the worktop next to my computer" Tony asked

"Sure" Clint headed to the elevator waiting for it to come. After five minutes of waiting, he started aggressively hitting the down button.

"What's got your knickers in a twist this time?" Tony called

"The elevator won't come"

"Have you tried calling it?" Tony asked condescendingly

"Yes I've tried calling it. I know how to use technology, I'm not Steve" Clint snarked

"Then what's wrong?" he asked, pushing himself out from underneath the fridge.

"I don't know. You're the tech genius, you look" Tony came over to look at the doors, before getting his screwdriver and removing the panel behind the buttons.

"Yeah, it's stuck" Tony confirmed, setting down his tools on the counter.

"No shit Sherlock"

"I can't even use the emergency call to see if anyone's in it" Tony commented, fiddling with the wires

"Have you seen anyone in the past hour?" Clint told him

"No, but this place is usually pretty quiet during the day. Who's even home?" Tony asked.

"Pepper's at a meeting, Thor's on Asgard, Natasha and Steve are on a mission, and I think Bruce is helping Shield develop its information on radiation" Clint said, listing people off his fingers

"So no one's stuck in it, that's good but we should probably fix it soon as. I may have accidently blown up the stairs last week and I haven't gotten around to fixing it yet" he looked away guiltily. He was planning on calling the buildings today to fix them, but he'd gotten rather distracted when Clint broke the fridge.

"Seriously?" he asked with disbelief. "How long is it going to take to fix?"

"At least a couple of hours, I reckon 4 minimum"

"And Maximum? Because I promised Laura I'd be back before the kids go to bed" he asked, glancing at the clock.

"It could be over twelve, I'm sorry mate, you're not getting out of here anytime soon" Tony at least looked apologetic as he looked at Clint.

"Why did Steve and Tash have to take the jet?" Clint complained resting his head in his hands in defeat.

* * *

"How long do you reckon we'll be here?" he said, finally breaking the silence.

"No clue. I cant even find any wiring to try and get some communication with Tony"

"We've already been here for an hour, how long could it possibly take to fix an elevator?" he posed, pacing around as much as the small box would let him.

"Knowing Tony, this isn't just a broken elevator. He probably put all kinds of advanced tech in here. We could be in here for a long time yet" she said calmly, resting her head against the wall.

"Great" he groaned sarcastically, closing his eyes.

"Oh stop complaining, it's not that bad"

"How are you so clear headed? You didn't sleep at all on the plane home" he asked, cracking an eye open to look at her.

"It's my job to be level headed Steve, regardless of external factors" she laughed slightly, sleepily closing her eyes

"This is stupid" he finally said after a lapse in conversation.

"What is?" she asked, looking at him confused.

"Us fighting, not being together. I miss you Nat" he admitted, staring deep into her eyes.

"Steve, we can't go there again" she deflected. She wasn't sure she could take the heartbreak again if they did.

"I know, we don't work practically. We never agree on anything"

"I wish we could make us work, we're just too different"

"This is awful"

"Huh?" she didn't quite understand what he was trying to say

"I can't live with you and I can't live without you" he almost chuckled

"Maybe we could try and make it work" she posed, afraid to look at him.

"We've been there Nat. We were a time bomb, just waiting to blow up. We were miserable"

"I'm more miserable now. I need you Steve, I can't sleep, I can't concentrate, I can't do anything" she admitted, turning her head to look at him nervously.

"If we go down this road, we can never come back. If this doesn't work, I'm not sure I won't lose you forever. I don't want to risk never seeing you again" he said, his eyes watering as he thought about it.

"I do" she couldn't believe she was saying it, but she couldn't give up on him.

"Nat" he started

"If we're not meant to be Steve, we're not meant to be. It wouldn't be surprising, a soldier and a spy together, it's doomed from the start. But there's something about you Steven Grant Rogers, and I don't think I'll ever get over you"

"I can't lose you" A rouge tear escaped his eye as he said it.

"I'm afraid that risk comes with the job soldier" she joked, causing him to chuckle

"We'll have to compromise" he repeated the words Pepper had said to him previously, finally believing her words.

"No more putting yourself in danger when it's not necessary" she stated, raising her eyebrow at him.

"I'll work on it. No more overreacting when I do though"

"I can't do that Steve. I always worry about you, the thought of losing you is so awful that I can't even consider it"

"Natasha, please, at least try"

"I'll tone it down"

"Thank you, and no more pretending you're not injured"

"I'll try. No more leaving your sweaty clothes on the couch"

"Done, as long as you put your shoes away"

"I can handle that"

"This'll be a tough one, but can you please get rid of the weapons in my bed? Everywhere else in my apartment is fine but I draw the line at sleeping with knives"

"Technically there aren't any knives in your bed, only a few guns and a spear"

"A spear? Where the hell did you get a spear from?" he asked in surprise, although things like that really shouldn't shock him anymore.

"I'll get rid of the weapons, but only the ones in your bed. I'm not getting myself killed because there wasn't a weapon on hand when I needed one" she said, expertly avoiding his question about the spear.

"And no more hogging the duvet" he laughed

"I'm afraid that's not possible Rogers, however you will stop making all those pancakes. It's bad for my health" she quipped back, smiling at him.

"You Natasha Romanoff are bad for my health. You're like a disease, no matter how hard I try I just can't get rid of you" he shuffled closer to her, nudging her arm with his.

"I don't think I want you to" she couldn't resist any longer, kissing him gently on the lips before pulling back.

"I love you Natasha"

"Steve-" she started to speak before he cut her off

"No, before you say anything, I don't expect you to say it back"

"Steve, listen to me"

"It's fine Natasha, I don't want you to feel any pressure" he rambled

"Would you shut up for one second" she snapped, causing him to quieten. She took a deep breath before continuing

"I love you too Steve. And I'm sorry I couldn't say it sooner, if I had, well maybe these last few weeks would've been different, but I just couldn't lie to you, and I'm sorry" A tear escaped her eye, and he swiped her cheek gently to get rid of it. She'd finally said the words she was so afraid to say, and it felt like a weight was lifted off her shoulders.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I know how hard it is for you to trust people, and I'm so glad that you do trust me. I love you Nat"

"If I had just figured everything out earlier than none of this would've happened, and everything would be fine" Steve could tell she blamed herself for their breakup, and he hated it.

"You never needed to say it Natasha. I always knew. You may be a spy but you've always been an open book to me. And I made a mistake"

"You did nothing wrong Steve"

"I let you push me away, you wanted me to fight for us and instead I let you go. I shouldn't have done that" he apologised

"I shouldn't have tested you like that" she said guiltily.

"You weren't doing it on purpose, you were doing exactly what you've always been told to do, and I should've paid more attention to what you were actually saying"

"I was being childish, and for that I am sorry"

"I'm really tired of being sorry" he let out a sigh of air.

"Me too. Can we draw a line under this? Cause I really miss you"

"We'll have to work hard at this"

"Agreed, I'm never letting you go again"

"At least that's something we can agree on" he laughed before being jolted by the elevator starting to move.

"Perfect timing, because no offense Steve but you stink" she laughed, pushing him away playfully.

"Speak for yourself" he joked, kissing her lightly.

"I love you Steve"

"I love you too Nat"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.


	15. Team Bonding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang goes camping, and needless to say, silliness ensures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So our first chapter back with them together. Yay! But you can definitely assume there’s been a time gap between the last chapter and this one. But have some fluff because you all deserve it.

"Coulson, what the hell are we doing here?" Tony moaned as they stepped out the bus into a clearing in the forest.

"Well, after Natasha shot you three times last week, Fury thought it would be good to do some team bonding" Coulson explained, staring at Natasha, who simply shrugged and looked at her nails.

"That doesn't explain why we're in the middle of the woods" Skye said, staring at her surroundings.

"Well I wanted to go to a fancy hotel but there were some budget cuts" May explained, staring daggers at Coulson.

"So, we're going camping" There was a collective groan from everyone, even Steve who actually enjoyed going outside.

"Everyone grab a bag and follow me" Coulson yelled over them, walking away from the plane. They shuffled around before running to catch up with Coulson and May.

"AC, do we really need all this stuff? There's a giant coat in this bag and it must be at least 90 degrees out here" Skye complained, peering into her duffel bag.

"Because, it can get really cold at night, despite the temperature during the day" Coulson explained

"But-" Skye started

"Oh stop moaning, at least you got a light bag" Sam complained, struggling with his own bag. They eventually came to a clearing where they dumped their stuff on the ground.

"It's two to a tent so everyone grab someone and start setting up"

"Bagsy Rhodey" Tony yelled immediately

"Aww man" Rhodey complained as Tony dragged him away to try and figure out the tent. They all split up, deciding on who would go where. Steve and Natasha wandered away from the group, finding a spot to pitch their tent.

"So, should I be offended that no one else wanted to camp with me?" Steve joked, unpacking the tent from the bag.

"Nah, I think they planned it, and by 'they' I mean Clint and Tony"

"Why?"

"Haven't you noticed all the suspected couples are together, even Skye and Sam are together. Clint and Tony put themselves with Bruce and Rhodey" she pointed out, turning him to look at the other groups around them.

"Oh yeah. Good deduction Sherlock" he said genuinely, and she couldn't help the small snort that escaped her as she laughed at his obliviousness.

"Well, I wasn't hired by two secret government agencies because of my pretty face" she grinned

"You do have a very pretty face though" he complimented, smiling sweetly at her

"You do know how to make a girl feel special" she quipped, smirking at him whilst getting the poles out the bag.

"It's one of my many talents" he joked as she quickly kissed him on the cheek.

"Don't suppose one of your many talents is putting up a tent?" she asked, trying to figure out the tent poles she'd just gotten out.

"As a matter of fact, I can actually put up a tent, which I think is more than can be said for you" he laughed, taking the poles off her and easily connecting them.

"I'll have you know that I can put up a tent Steven. I'm the Black Widow" she told him, taking the poles back off him, trying to figure out where they went. She pouted as she felt herself unsure of what to do, trying to jam the pole into a non existent hole.

"Alright, I suppose you won't be wanting my help then, Madame Widow" he mocked, feeding the pole she was holding through the correct hole.

"Nope, I got this. Help set up the fire or something" she said, determined to prove her point, snatching the poles away from him as she rifled through the bag for instructions.

"Ohh, I think I'm good right here" he said, sitting down on a log next to the tent.

_1 hour later….._

"Steve?" a voice from under the tent fabric called. The tent was still in a heap on the ground, and as far as he could tell, Natasha hadn't made any progress

"Yes Natasha?" he asked sweetly, pulling up the fabric to see her face, covered in dirt

"So, my intensive training never prepared me for this. You know, it's not really my skillset, given I'm a seductive assassin. Not a… person who camps" she started rambling

"Natasha, are you asking me for help?" he tried his best not to laugh, though her dirty face did nothing to stop the humour of the situation.

"Maybe" she hid her head back under the fabric to hide her embarrassment.

"I love you" he grinned, quickly pecking her on the lips before giving her a hand out of the mess she'd made.

"I'm sorry Steve, I really thought I could do this" she apologised as he moved around the tent

"I know you did, and I know how you want to prove yourself to everyone, prove that you're not just some girl who got everywhere on your looks, which by the way no one thinks. But you never have to prove yourself to me, because I don't care whether you're a mess or not, cause you're my mess, and I will always be there to help you" Steve told her, grabbing her hand gently

"Steve…" she had no words, sometimes, she truly didn't deserve that man

"Okay, so you see that rope by your left foot? You're going to put one of those giant nails through the loop on the end and hammer it into the ground right where I put it" he told her before she could say anything more. She busied herself with the task as he fed the poles into the tent to give it some shape

"Okay, what do I do now?" she asked

"Repeat that with all the ropes"

Eventually, they got the tent up and their sleeping bags in the tent before joining everyone else who was trying to light a fire.

"Finally, we thought you guys got lost" Coulson joked, prodding the sticks on the fire.

"Nah, we just had a bit of trouble with the tent"

"Awww, can Natashalie and Capsicle not put up a tent?" Tony mocked. She thought it was rich coming from him as Rhodey put up their tent, but he decided not to mention it.

"Actually-" Natasha started before Steve cut her off

"Actually, we just didn't want to help with the fire, but you guys clearly don't know what you're doing" Steve interrupted, to which she flashed him a smile

"You're getting better at lying" she whispered into his ear when everyone else was looking away.

"These logs are wet" Steve told them after inspecting the fire.

"No, they're not" Clint argued, touching the logs "See?"

"The logs on the bottom are wet, someone needs to go get more, and some kindling" Steve informed them, rolling his eyes at the apparent lack of survival skills within the group.

"WHERE'S THE ALCOHOL?" Tony yelled from across the clearing

"It's in the cooler" May answered easily

"WHERE'S THE COOLER?" Tony yelled again, almost hysterical. He was running around frantically searching all the bags

"With all the other stuff" Rhodey told him

"IT'S NOT HERE" Tony started sobbing dramatically on the floor. So much so that they couldn't be sure he was joking.

"Alright, calm down Tony, I'm sure it's here somewhere" Natasha said, walking over to the pile off stuff. After searching around for a while, she turned to face the rest of the group

"So?" Clint asked

"It's not here"

"NOOOOOOOO!" Tony screamed, curling into a ball

"He has a problem" Vision whispered to Wanda

"You're telling me" she laughed

"Look Tony, it's okay, some of us will go back to the bus and get it"

"And the others will go out and get some dry wood for the fire" Steve added

"Romanoff, Rogers, you go back to the bus, Barton, May, Wilson, go find some dry wood. Everyone else will set up the supplies here" Coulson said

"And break"

* * *

"Isn't this lovely, a nice stroll through the woods to get our alcoholic friend a drink" Steve laughed

"Admit it Steve, most of us are alcoholics" she joked

"Yes, but most of us can go a day without having a drink" he pointed out. She thought about it for a moment before replying.

"Speak for yourself" Steve snorted at her.

"Race you back to the plane" she laughed, running off before he had even registered her words

"No fair" he complained, taking off after her.

They were both panting by the time they got back to the plane. It was much further than they had remembered, especially as they kept getting lost.

"Oh god, I need to get in shape" she complained, hunching over in exhaustion.

"If you need to get in shape then god help me" he panted, wiping a bead of sweat off his forehead.

"What are you on about? You're a specimen" she admired, looking at his abs rippling under his t-shirt.

"I found the cooler" he said, drawing her attention away from his gorgeously perfect abs. God, just looking at him got her all flustered.

"We should probably get back" she shook her head, bringing herself back to reality.

"Yeah, we should" he was looking at her with that look again. His eyes were full of lust, much like she imagined her own to be.

"Or, maybe we couldn't find the cooler" she counted, raising her eyebrows

"Yeah, we searched all over" he laughed, pulling her over to him

"Yeah" He smashed his lips against her, passionately kissing her. She jumped into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist. He pushed her against the wall, kissing her neck. He pulled her vest top off, throwing it away from them.

"Steve" she moaned, pulling his shirt over his head. She pulled his lips back to hers, gently biting his bottom lip. He swiftly unbuckled her bra, throwing it with the increasing pile of other clothes. He returned his attention to her neck, kissing and sucking on the skin, making her moan in pleasure.

"Please Steve" she groaned, unbuckling his belt

"OH MY GOD. Oh my god oh my god oh my god!" They heard an exclamation from the front of the plane

"Every. Single. Time" Natasha groaned, burying her bare chest into his, trying to keep her modesty

"This is why we shouldn't have sex in public places Nat" he laughed, wrapping her half naked body in his arms, making sure she was covered.

"I can't believe it! Captain America and the Black Widow! Dating!" Skye exclaimed, pacing about frantically.

"Skye, whilst I would love to talk about this, don't suppose you could pass me that top, could you?" Natasha asked nicely considering she was currently half naked and pressed into her boyfriends chest.

"I just can't believe it. I can't believe no one told me" Skye was muttering

"Skye" Natasha said, giving her one of her classic Widow stares.

"Sorry, no problem" Skye almost quivered under her stare, throwing her the first piece of clothing she found, which happened to be Steve's shirt. She simply shrugged and put it on. She unwrapped her legs around him but frowned when she didn't move anyway, he feet dangling uselessly just above the floor

"Um Steve? Wanna put me down now?" Natasha asked, looking down at where his arms were wrapped around her waist.

"Not really" he said, putting her down regardless. They looked over to Skye, who was pacing around, stilling freaking out about her latest revelation.

"Hey, Skye, what exactly are you doing here?" Steve asked calmly, having seemingly recovered.

"Oh, May told me to get marshmallows, apparently Coulson forgot them" she explained. Natasha looked around before spotting the offending items.

"Here you go" she said, tossing Skye the bag full of Marshmallows

"Thanks. You guys ready to go?" Skye asked, still in shock.

"Yeah, we'll be right behind you" Steve told her.

"Are you guys gonna finish?" Skye asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Go Skye" Natasha ordered, sending her scuttling out of the plane

"So are we gonna finish?"

"Come on" Natasha laughed, picking up the cooler and shoving it into his hands before pulling him out the plane.

* * *

By the time they had managed to set up the fire, the sun had already set and a chill was in the air. They all sat around it on logs Steve had dragged from somewhere, and were all wrapped in blankets. Her and Clint were sharing a blanket wrapped around their shoulders, roasting marshmallows on the fire.

"So things are better with you two then?" Clint asked quietly, looking over to Steve

"Yeah, we worked things out" she sighed. Things still weren't perfect between them, but now they knew that it never would be.

"Good. You look good together. If you could have kids they'd be very attractive" he told her, only partially joking.

"Are you hitting on my unborn, hypothetical child?" she raised her eyebrows at him, causing him to laugh further.

"I'm just saying they'd inherit some pretty good genes" he defended, shrugging his shoulders slightly.

"I'm leaving now" she laughed, shrugging off the blanket and getting off the log.

"You know I'm right" he called back at her. She flipped him off in response, sitting down in the empty space next to Steve.

"Hey" he said, offering her some of the blanket around his shoulders.

"Hey" she smiled gently, taking the blanket, wrapping it around herself. Between the blanket and the darkness of the air, Steve felt comfortable enough to curl his arm around her waist, pulling her close to his body. She looked up at him in curiosity, gaining only a shrug in response.

"Marshmallow?" he asked, giving her his stick and getting a new one from the pile next to him.

"Thanks" she watched him methodically stab his marshmallow with the stick, not focusing on her own. As she glanced back, she saw it on fire, charred to a crisp as she pulled it out and blew it out.

"Oops" Steve laughed at her, causing a smile to brought to her lips at his laughter.

"Vis!" Wanda moaned from across the fire as Vision hit her in the head with a melting marshmallow, the sticky substance already congealing in her hair.

"Sorry Wanda" he apologised, already moving to help her out. Steve looked at Natasha, raising his eyebrows as his gaze flicked to the marshmallow on the end of his stick.

"You bring that anywhere near me Rogers and I cant be held accountable for my actions" she warned teasingly, though she was serious. She didn't want marshmallow in her hair.

"That sounds like a dare Romanoff" he smirked.

"Oh, you're on" From there, it became a war, with everyone trying cover everyone else in marshmallow. They continued into the night, laughing at Tony's ridiculous stories and getting ridiculously drunk. When they were tucked up in their sleeping bags much later, with Natasha curled into Steve for warmth, amongst other things, she smiled happily. God she loved her family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.


	16. Chained To You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha and Steve move in together, but after he returns home from a mission late at night, some information is revealed about Natasha.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for the slightly inconsistent updates, both in time and quality of them, but I officially have loads of time to work on each chapter now, so hopefully you'll notice. Or maybe I'm just generally pretty bad at his, but I really hope not. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

"Move in with me" Steve said suddenly as they were lying in bed one night. Natasha was snuggled into his chest, dozing softly, though still hearing his every word.

"What?" she bolted upright, hitting her head on the back board of the bed, any tiredness leaving her immediately.

"Move down here" he repeated as she rubbed the sore spot at the back of her head.

"What?" she asked again, slack-jawed as she stared at him in shock. It wasn't that she didn't want to live with him, but the suddenness of the question took her by surprise.

"Just hear me out. You already spend most of your time down here, most of your stuff is here already and you only ever go to your room if someone else is with you" he explained. He could see her weighing up the options in her head, so he waited until she was finish thinking.

"I understand the reasons, but what if someone goes to my room and finds it completely empty? And what if something bad happens again? It'll be so much harder to go our own ways if our stuff is all jumbled" she asked him, concerned about what this would mean for them.

"Well, for starters, we're not going to break up again so that won't be an issue, and we'll keep your floor locked and come up with a creative lie if someone asks. I've heard you're pretty good at that" he reassured her, taking her hands gently.

"You'd know" she teased

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked innocently, batting his eyelashes at her. She punched his arm playfully at his mockery, and he tickled her stomach as she let her guard down, causing her to writhe about on the bed.

"Fine. Yes" she exclaimed through fits of giggles.

"Yes?"

"Yes" he relented his attack, kissing her gently on the lips before pulling her into his arms, letting her rest her head on his chest. He stared at her face, so peaceful and serene when he noticed something out of the corner of his eye.

"Did you have a cat at some point?" it was an offhand comment, and he didn't mean much by it, only trying to make conversation.

"No, why?" she furrowed her eyebrows as she looked over to where is gaze was aimed. Her breath hitched, the scratches clear on the post.

"Your bed post is all scratched up" he commented. It was dark but he could see the look of panic that darted across her face when he mentioned it.

"Oh that. I was playing with a knife Clint had stolen for me and I just got overexcited, started scratching at the wood to see how good it was" It was a bad lie, and she knew he didn't buy it, but he didn't press it anymore, simply kissing her forehead gently, wrapping his other arm round her waist.

"Night Nat" he mumbled

"Night roomie"

* * *

"Nat!" he yelled, unsure of her whereabouts in the room and too lazy to try finding her.

"In here" she yelled back from the bathroom where she was putting away some of her things

"I've been called in for a mission, should be back in a few days. Think you'll be okay without me?" he asked, wrapping his arms around her from behind

"I've lasted all this time without you, I think I can last a night" she smirked, turning her head to kiss him lightly.

"You're amazing, you know that?" he smiled gently, letting a soft chuckle escape his lips.

"I have been told occasionally. Don't die" she smirked, although the seriousness of her last words was not lost on him.

"Not planning on it" he laughed, kissing her gently before picking up his bag and leaving the apartment.

18 hours later he was on his back to the tower, the mission having gone off without a hitch thanks to a junior agent's observation, something which Steve was quick to praise. He always loved it when a low ranked agent would be confident and say something which they'd noticed, something that happened painfully rarely. Probably because they were scared of the 'big guns'. But it had been a long day and all he could think about was getting into a nice warm bed with Natasha and getting a few hours sleep before having to wake up in the morning, but all hopes of that were squashed when he walked into their bedroom. The lights were off, but his enhanced vision allowed him to see that one of Natasha's hands was handcuffed to the bedframe. A million questions raced through his head. Had someone done this to her? Who was it? Did she do this to herself? Did she know? Was this just another one of Tony's pranks? Whatever it was, he briefly considered letting her sleep and sorting it out in the morning, he knew she hadn't been sleeping well lately. She was going through a phase of having vivid nightmares almost every night, but he knew he couldn't leave it. If someone had done this to her then it needed to be sorted out asap, and if she had done this to herself, well, he didn't want to think about that.

"Nat, Natasha, wake up" he said gently, shaking her shoulder

"Стив" she mumbled sleepily, slipping into her mother tongue as she often did when she as tired.

"Hey, wake up" he said, trying to coax her out of sleep

"Steve? What time is it?" she asked wearily, her head buried in the pillow

"Four" he answered, glancing at the clock on the nightstand.

"PM?" she frowned, turning her head but refusing to open her eyes

"No AM you silly goose" he said fondly, temporarily forgetting about the handcuffs

"Silly goose? What umm... what are you doing back?" Steve could hear to confusion in her voice at the nickname, though her words were muffled by the pillow slightly

"Oh, you know. Ummm, are you aware you're handcuffed to the bed?" he asked bluntly. Her eyes snapped open and he could see the panic in her eyes. She glanced at her hand quickly, doing her best to avoid eye contact with him.

"Someone must have come in whilst I was asleep. I can't believe I didn't even wake up" she tried to sound shocked, lying through her teeth, and if she had been more awake, she might've have come up with something better. As it was, she couldn't figure out a way out of this without telling Steve the whole truth. And the thought of that alone terrified her more than anything.

"Where's the key?" he asked gently, looking over the nightstand in hopes of finding it.

"In the drawer" she said simply. She knew there was no point lying to him, so had resigned herself to sitting up against the headboard as he unlocked the handcuffs, taking them off her wrists slowly and placing them on the table. He sat down next to her, blue eyes staring at her green ones intently. Though it was stern, the kindness in his eyes was impossible to resist.

"Talk to me Nat. What's going on?" he took her hands, gently rubbing the indents where the cuffs had been.

"It's not what it looks like Steve" she tried to say, but they both knew it was a lie. It was exactly what it looked like.

"I want to believe that Nat, I really do" And he did. More than anything, he wanted it to be a big misunderstanding so they could both just go back to sleep. But he knew that wasn't going to happen, and so did she.

"It helps me sleep" she admitted, unable to look at him and staring down at her hands in her lap.

"How? How does handcuffing yourself to a bed help you sleep?" In any other circumstances his words would've been harsh and bitter, but instead they were full of care and love.

"It's pathetic, really, it is. You don't want to hear about it" she tried to deflect, though she knew it was pointless. This just wasn't how she ever wanted to admit this, though she doubted she ever would've if Steve hadn't caught her. But how could she admit to something to something like this? Something as crazy and fucked up as this?

"I want to know Nat. I won't judge you, or get mad, I just want to know so I can help" he briefly let go of her hands to tip her chin up so she was looking at him, and she could see the pain in his eyes.

"The ummm…. The red room would handcuff us to our beds. I couldn't tell you why exactly, it gave them control over us" she said meekly, looking down at where her hands were folded in her lap, Steve's gently caressing them.

"Why do you still do it Nat?" he had never noticed before, maybe he was a bad boyfriend, but he could see the faint scars on her wrists as he rubbed them gently, pressing small kisses to them.

"I don't, at least not all the time. It makes me feel safe, I don't know. It's a habit I never truly kicked" she scoffed slightly at her own words, the stupidity of them taking over her mind.

"You've never done this before" he asked the silent question. Why now?

"When you're here, I know that I'm safe, and that you'll protect me. But when you go on missions, I go back there, and I need it to know everything's okay" Steve could understand what she was saying, he understood what she meant, but he could wrap his mind around the idea.

"This isn't okay Nat. You're letting them control you, even after all this time. You don't need those to feel safe, okay?" he said. He felt fully unequipped for this conversation, and he was too tired to fully comprehend the workings of Natasha's mind, but he had to try, because seeing her like this broke his heart.

"You don't understand Steve" she tried to argue, and she really wasn't sure why she even tried. She wanted help, she didn't want to do this to herself anymore, but even with Steve sitting so close, and being so supportive, it was just so  _fucking_  hard.

"You're right, I have no clue how you feel, but you are never alone Nat. Never"

"You can't always be here Steve, it's part of our jobs"

"Natasha, whenever you need me, I'm always one phone call away. If I'm on a mission, I promise you I will try my hardest to talk to you if you need me" he knew he couldn't promise that, she was right. Their jobs didn't make being there for each other easy, but he was going to try his hardest to be the person she needed, the person she deserved. Because it was Natasha, and she was more important than anything he could be doing, ever.

"Steve"

"I promise you Natasha. You don't need to do this, and I hate that you feel like you have to"

"I know, I know. It's just a difficult habit to kick" she admitted, and she looked so small, so broken as she spoke, that he couldn't help but wrap her in a hug.

"But it's something we'll do together, okay?" he reassured her. She sighed into him, accepting the hug, her muscles relaxing as he held her tightly.

"Yeah" They stayed in that position for a while before he pulled back, reaching for his dog tags from under his suit.

"What are you doing?" she asked in confusion, her eyes tracking the movements of his hands as he pulled the tags over his head.

"Take them" he offered her the tags, but she pushed his hand away.

"Steve, I can't. They're yours, I can't...they..." she tried to vocalise how she was feeling, but the words wouldn't come to her. She couldn't take his tags, they meant everything to him. It was a part of him, his history, his old life. They were so important to him, she couldn't take responsibility for them.

"You can and you will" he pried open her hands, forcing the tags into her palms

"I can't take these Steve, they're your most prized possession"

"You're my most prized possession" his statement made her pause. She knew he loved her, but the utter love and devotion in his words truly took her by surprise.

"Steve, I can't"

"Yes you can. You're right, I can't always be there for you, but you'll always have these. When you're not feeling great and I'm not there, use them, remember I'm always coming back to you" he promised, and whilst he knew

"Don't make promises you can't keep" it had become a phrase they repeated to each other often, and he knew there was so much more meaning behind the words than just the situation at hand.

"I'm not planning on breaking it. They're yours now Nat, because I love you. And I never want you to feel unsafe, because that just breaks my heart a little bit" the truth to his words struck her, and she didn't know how to respond. She hated that she ever made him feel like that, and the only thing she could think of to say was "I'm sorry"

"Nothing to be sorry for. I love you, I will always love you, and I will always be there for you Nat. No matter what" he brought her hand up to his lips, grazing her knuckles softly as he kissed it, his dog tags tightly encased in her fist.

"Thanks" she whispered. He slipped into bed beside her, his arm snaking around her waist when she pushed him off.

"No way. You stink Rogers. Go shower" she ordered, rolling over so her face was buried in the pillow again, sleep already taking over.

"Yes ma'am"

* * *

"This is the last one" he told her, putting down the box on the table. She was putting away her clothes in the wardrobe, dancing around like a lunatic to the music playing over the speakers as she did so. Progress had been slow, he was constantly distracted by her, and leaving the room to get her boxes seemed like the hardest thing he'd ever done.

"I guess this is official now" she said, closing the wardrobe doors dramatically and throwing the empty box across the room. He let out a snort as the music changed to a much slower song.

"Dance with me" He took her hand, leading her to the centre of the room and twirling her around. A tinkling laugh escaped her lips, causing his own to curl upward. He drew her into a waltz, leading her as they travelled around the room. He spun and dipped her, expertly avoiding the furniture and boxes as she followed his lead. He picked her up, spinning around with her in his arms. Her hands clasped around his neck, standing on her tiptoes once he set her down. She nestled her head in his neck, resting it on his shoulder as they swayed.

"Since when did you know how to dance?" she asked, tilting her head up to look at him

"Pepper forced me to take lessons ages ago. Said I'd never get a girlfriend if I kept 'awkwardly bumbling about'" he laughed, brushing a stray curl behind her ear as he held her.

"She's not wrong" she gave him a shit eating grin, and he could help but nestle a kiss in her hair.

"I got you didn't I?" he quipped back

"You're ridiculous" she laughed, pressing a soft kiss to his neck lazily, his skin hiding the bright smile on her face.

"So I've heard"

"я люблю тебя" she whispered into his shoulder without even registering the words

"I love you too" he said into her hair. She removed her head from his shoulder, kissing him gently on the lips.

"When did you learn Russian?" she asked, resting their foreheads together

"I don't. I learnt a few phrases I thought would be important. I wanted to say I love you in Russian the first time I told you, but that clearly didn't happen" he admitted, a blush rising in his cheeks

"That is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me" she confessed. He only kissed her forehead in response

"I can't help how awesome I am" he joked, and she slapped the back of his head playfully.

"You're right though, you are pretty awesome"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I’ll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.


	17. Pizza, Pop Tarts and Parties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony throws a gala that no one wants to be at. Needless to say, they all sneak off and find their own fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is what happens when I get a stupid thoughts whilst I’m trying to get to sleep, and then I imagine a character saying said stupid thought and then things tumble out of control, and then this chapter exists. So this is just a silly chapter filled with all my silly thoughts.

"This is torture" Natasha commented. Tony had thrown a party, well, it was more of a gala, where he'd invited all the most prestigious, self-entitled businessmen and politicians he could possibly find. And as the Avengers, they all had to attend and play nice with the politicians. Which is why they were standing in a corner, all dressed up and avoiding everyone like the plague.

"Come on, it's not that bad" Steve tried to mediate, although he was tired of the boring conversations with the people who thought they were god's gift to earth.

"Sorry Cap, I'm with Nat on this one" Clint said, chugging back his glass of champagne before grabbing a fresh one from a waiter.

"I'm just glad it's an open bar" Bruce added. It wasn't acceptable to get smashed at this sort of event, but that didn't mean they weren't pushing the limit. And boy were they.

"Alright, this is a bit of a drag" Steve admitted, causing Clint to gasp and fall off his chair in dramatics.

"Who are you and what have you done with Steve Rogers?" Natasha teased, nudging him softly in the side.

"Can't we just get out of here?" Sam asked "This isn't what I signed up for when I agreed to be an Avenger"

"Agreed" Rhodey said "Oh shit. Tones, stop it" Rhodey ran off to stop whatever idiotic thing Tony was doing this time.

"Pepper would actually kill us if we left" Sam said, burying his head in his hands in despair

"And she'd get away with it" Clint grumbled

"I'm going to track down some food. I'm starving" Steve told them, setting down his drink on the table.

"I'll come with you, plus another drink couldn't hurt" Natasha said, throwing back what was left of her drink before placing it next to Steve's empty glass.

"Alright Miss Romanoff" Steve offered her his arm, which she linked her arm through, letting him guide them through the crowd. Clint rolled his eyes at them fondly as they walked away, causing her to flip him off as she turned her head and stuck out her tongue at him.

"D'you think they realise they're in love with each other?" Bruce asked, tilting his head as he watched the pair walk away

"I genuinely have no idea" Sam laughed

 

"Ah, Captain Rogers. Mind if I could have a moment of your time?" a man approached the soldier and the spy. Natasha rolled her eyes subtly at Steve whilst she tried to recognise his face, but she hadn't bothered to find out exactly who was invited to this party, she didn't care enough.

"I would love to, however I promised this lovely lady a drink. Would you mind terribly if I get back to you later?" Steve declined his offered politely, and she smiled seeing how far his social skills had come from the bumbling mess he once was.

"Of course. I understand. You wouldn't want to leave your woman hanging, my wife would kill me if I did it to her" the man laughed, causing her to smile uncomfortably. If only this man knew she could kill him with a cocktail stick.

"Oh, she's not mine. Just a friend" Steve deflected easily, giving the man his winning smile

"My apologises. I'll find you later Captain" the man, she now placed as Senator Williams, stepped back slightly, allowing them to pass.

"Thank you" Steve placed a hand on her back, guiding her away. Once they were out of sight, he relaxed, bringing his hand down to hold hers.

"Nicely done Rogers" she complimented,

"Why thank you" They continued their search for food, only finding small canapés that did nothing to stop the growling of their stomachs. They eventually made it to a much quieter spot in the corner of the room, leaning against the wall after avoiding way to many 'important business men' who either wanted to talk to Steve, or make a derogatory dig at Natasha. Or both at the same time.

"Are you okay? You look tired" Steve asked, noticing her slightly lethargic nature. Although it really was small, the odd yawn here and there, it still worried him.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just sleepy" she yawned as she said it, causing him to chuckle slightly.

"You sure?" he asked again, because he always asked again. He could never tell whether she was lying or not, and when she was, whether to leave it or not.

"Yeah, don't worry about me. I'm good" she gave him a soft smile, resting her head on his arm

"Okay, well I'm still hungry" he said, and she laughed at the sudden change in topic.

"Well I can't see any food. Want to order a pizza?" she asked, pulling out her phone and waving it in his face.

"We're in the middle of a very classy party Natasha. We can't order a pizza"

"We definitely can. Besides, I don't know about you, but I want to get out of here" she gave him her best puppy dog eyes, quivering her lips slightly. He huffed out a breath "Alright. Pizza it is"

* * *

Somehow, they ended up on the roof, their feet dangling off the edge as they ate.

"This is so much better than that stupid party" she laughed, picking the pepperoni off her pizza and eating it.

"Agreed" he smirked, throwing his crust in the box before getting a new piece

"That security guy probably hates us now" she leant her head against Steve's shoulder, chuckling at the memory of just how angry the guy had looked.

"Now? I'm pretty sure he hated us before we even moved in" he laughed, and she couldn't blame the guy. The amount of food they got delivered at every hour of the day was probably enough to make any man consider early retirement, not to mention the amount of dirt they tracked through the lobby on a daily basis.

"I can't believe you're having a pizza party without me" Clint voice called out, feigning hurt as he walked over to the pair. Behind him was Wanda, Vision, Bruce and Sam, who all sat down next to them, feet dangling over the edge of the roof.

"You know we didn't order enough for all of us" Natasha told them, and they raised their eyebrows at her, clearly seeing the three boxes stacked on each other "Only enough for one super soldier"

"Well then, it's a good job we found these" Wanda held up a large bag of pop tarts with a mischievous look in her eye.

"Thor will kill us if we eat them" Steve said, though Natasha had already taken the bag and started rifling through it.

"What he doesn't know won't hurt him. We'll buy him some new ones" Clint said, already shoving one in his mouth.

"Besides, I robbed the bar" Rhodey said, putting down the bag he was holding. Steve peered inside, seeing countless bottles of whiskey, vodka and beer.

"Well, I guess if you're gonna bring us alcohol then you can stay" Natasha laughed, rolling her eyes and smiling fondly.

"Damn right we can"

* * *

"Come on Sam, you can't expect us to believe that" Rhodey said incredulously

"What's so unbelievable?" Sam feigned shock, taking a swig of beer.

"You claim you managed to drink a gallon of milk in 30 seconds, even Steve can't do that" Clint said, shoving Sam on the arm.

"You wound me Clinton" Sam said in dramatics, pretending to wipe away a tear.

"I could totally do that" Steve argued, taking a large drink from a bottle of whiskey as if to prove his point.

"Oh yeah? Weren't you the person who once asked if it was possible for the Hulk to drown in milk?" Natasha teased, causing Steve to blush a bright red and splutter on the whiskey.

"In my defence, I was very drunk" he defended, smiling brightly

"Please, you've never been very drunk in your life" Sam laughed

"You forget I wasn't always like this. Believe it or not, I had a life once"

"Sure" Wanda rolled her eyes

"I did, Bucky once forced me to go out with this one girl…"

 

"I'm serious, I'm a professionally trained ballerina. I could go audition right now and get the lead role in Swan Lake" Natasha said to the shocked stares of her friends.

"You're good at…well pretty much everything, but there's no way that's true" Sam shook his head in disbelief.

"Really, I remember the lessons very clearly. 'A fight is just a dance with knives'" she recited the words like she'd done throughout her childhood. She used to hate dancing, but as she got older, she found herself coming back to it.

"That is concerning" Vision commented, and she shrugged her shoulders in response "Seriously, the only reason I don't still do it is because I like all my toes to be normal"

"Your toes?" Rhodey asked, furrowing his eyebrow in confusion.

"Yeah, I've broken every bone in my toes multiple times, you barely even notice it after a while. The bruising though, genuinely the worst pain I've ever felt" she declared, wincing at the memory of the pain.

"Haven't you been shot?" Wanda asked

"Yeah, but I'm calling it. Walking on bruised bloody feet is worse than a gunshot"

"There's no way that can be true" Steve said, looking down at her feet as though he'd see something odd, causing her to kick him lightly.

"I'm telling you. Worst pain ever"

* * *

"What's the best day of your life?" Steve asked after a lull in conversation

"The day my kids were born, and don't ask me to pick which one" Clint answered immediately, smiling at the memory.

"When Wanda agreed to go on a date with me" Vision admitted, causing Wanda to blush profusely and bury her head in his shoulder.

"Wanda?" Rhodey asked, looking over at her "The day Pietro died"

"You realise Steve said best day right?" Sam asked, giving her a confused look.

"I know, and it was the worst day of my life, but it was also the best. All of you, especially you Clint, you made me realise I can be anything, and that I shouldn't be scared of who I am. So that's my best day" Her words made them all pause, and she quickly tried to take the focus off herself "Steve?"

"It's definitely between the day I got my powers, and when we fought the Chitari. Obviously, without my powers, I'd be half the person I am today, literally, but during that fight…I knew that I belonged here. I mean, I didn't understand anything, but I knew this was where I was meant to be, and that you guys were who I was meant to be with" he said sappily, causing Natasha to grin slyly at his side.

"You gotta pick man. That's cheating" Sam complained, rolling his eyes.

"I can't. Genuinely, it's like how Clint couldn't pick a kid" Steve argued

"That's completely different" Clint defended, munching happily on a pop tart

"Yeah, besides everyone knows that Nate's his favourite" Natasha teased, poking him in the side with her foot.

"I don't have a favourite" he argued, putting his hands up in surrender

"But if you did?" Wanda pressed, smirking happily at him

"It would be Nate" Clint said begrudgingly "Sam, what about you?"

"The first day I started at the VA" Sam said simply "It was good to finally know I wasn't all alone, and that I could help people who'd been through similar experiences to me" he looked over to Rhodey, raising his eyebrows to forward on the question.

"The day Tony let me keep the suit. It's like I finally figured out my purpose"

"Just you left Nat"

"The day Clint brought me in. If he'd never of made that decision, I wouldn't be the person I am today, actually, I probably wouldn't still be here at all"

"You're very welcome" Clint did a half bow, waving his hand poshly.

"Can we talk about something less depressing now?"

* * *

"I've never eaten pie" Wanda admitted, looking down at her feet as she expected the barrage of questions.

"Hold up, I must've heard wrong. Did you just say you've never eaten pie?" Steve asked, looking like he'd seen a ghost. Wand had been living in America for years and she'd never eaten pie.

"Uh yeah. I mean I've eaten shepherd's pie, but that doesn't really count" she shrugged, thinking nothing of the comment. She was clearly wrong, and Natasha felt bad for the girl as the boys hounded her with questions.

"What the hell is shepherd's pie?" Clint asked, racking his brain for clues and coming up short.

"How do you not know what shepherd's pie is?" Wanda asked, confusion masking her features

"Come on Clint, it's minced lamb with onions in a gravy topped with mashed potato" Natasha stepped in, looking at Wanda who was smiling at her gratefully.

"Thank you" Wanda pointed at her as if to further her point  
"That is not pie" Sam said

"No it is. It's really nice, but fruit pies just aren't a thing where I grew up"

"Fruit's not really a thing in places like Russia and Sokovia. Just bland meat and potato" Natasha added, causing Clint to fake blanch.

"You're really not selling us on this whole meat pie thing"

"It's so good, the onions and the carrots and the peas give the gravy this unique flavour. My mum used to save up to buy the ingredients as a treat" Steve told them

"That sounds disgusting"

"Well we definitely need to educate Wanda on the magic that is actual pie" Rhodey said, throwing his pizza crust in the box.

"And I think we need to educate you guys on the magic that is meat pie"

"No way am I eating that" Clint declared, frowning at the thought

"I'll pay you ten bucks" Natasha offered, raising her eyebrows at him.

"Deal"

* * *

"Can someone please explain to me why I just got a delivery guy at the door with pie?" Tony walked onto the roof, holding a bag full of pie, with a fuming look on his face

"Uhhh, Wanda's never had it before" Sam suggested tentatively, wincing slightly.

"You've never had pie before?" Tony turned to face Wanda directly

"Nope" she shrugged her shoulder casing Tony to gasp in shock

"Well I'm staying for this" he said sitting down on the concrete next to them and crossing him legs.

"You can stay, but on one condition" Natasha offered, the cogs turning in her head as she devised a plan.

"Seriously red?" Tony groaned, burying his head in his hands.

"You have to eat the other pie we ordered"

"Please tell me you didn't custom make a pie with the balls of your victims" Tony quipped, although looked faintly green at the idea.

"Nope, just shepherd's pie"

"Shepherd's pie? That's the thing on Friends right?" Tony asked, furrowing his eyebrows. "Yeah, close enough"

"So why have you ordered a meat pie?" Tony still looked confused, and Clint took it upon himself to explain "Nat said she'd pay us"

"I'm in" Tony clapped his hands, getting the boxes of pie out the bag.

"Oh no. I'm not paying you, think of your payment as us not telling Pepper your whereabouts" Natasha smirked, knowing she'd gotten him.

"Fine. Let's try this monstrosity"

 

"Oh god, that's disgusting" Clint spat out his mouthful of pie

"I don't think it's that bad" Rhodey butted in, taking another bite. Tony whacked him on the arm

"No way, that's awful. Like that's foul" Sam complained, wiping his tongue on a tissue.

"Just because you don't have a sophisticated palette Samuel" Natasha teased

"At least I can cook" Sam shot back

"I can cook" she defended before Steve butted in "Ramen doesn't count"

"I can do spaghetti as well"

"Anthony Edward Stark!" Pepper yelled across the roof. Tony visibly gulped, shrinking into the ground as he tried to stay out of view. "Uh oh"

"You're on your own mate" Sam laughed, patting him on the shoulder.

"All of you, stop messing about up here and come back downstairs. Especially you Tony" Pepper snapped, frustration clear in her voice.

"Yes Pepper" "Sorry Pepper" they all grumbled, getting up off the floor.

"You two, clean up this mess" Pepper ordered, pointing at Steve and Natasha "Yes ma'am"

The rest of the group filed off the roof as they started to clean up. "So how long d'you think it'll take us to clean this up?"

"I don't know. I reckon it could take a while" she smirked, causing him to grip her hand and pull her to him tightly, stealing the breath out her lungs as he kissed her fiercely. She giggled, kissing him back and raking her hands through his hair.

"Pepper will kill us if she finds out" he whispered breathless between kisses.

"Then she better not find out"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I’ll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.


	18. Dripping Red

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m starting to consider renaming this story to ‘tropes that everyone’s tired of but I write anyway’. But anyway, fun fact, this chapter is one of the first things I ever wrote and when I came back to check it through, I realised that it was complete horse-shit. So I basically re wrote the whole thing, so hopefully it’s better now.

_She fought weakly against their steel grip, kicking at them as the dragged her down the hallway. They shoved her onto a bed, restraining her hands and feet as she tried to get away from them._

_"Now now Natalia. You know better than to fight against us" Alexi said, walking out from the shadows. She gulped down her fear. She couldn't be afraid, being afraid was to be weak, and being weak meant punishment._

_"You're a monster" she spat at him, her voice laced with poison. She pulled on her restraints, grunting as they cut into her skin and held her down._

_"No my dear, you're the monster" he said, picking up a large needle, the tip slightly rusty. He flicked the vial connected to it, his eyes glimmering with evil. "No one will ever love you"_

_"You're wrong" she hissed, desperately thrashing to get away as his hands pushed down on her shoulders._

_"Stop struggling my princess, it's pointless. There's no one to run to, you will poison anything that ever matters to you" he snarled, pressing a kiss to her forehead. At one point it would've been comforting, but now it just made bile rise in her throat "No I won't"_

_"Ah but you will my dear. Now you know it's in our best interests to stay quiet. I can make this so much worse for you" he threatened, stabbing the needle into her arm. Her limbs felt heavy, she couldn't move them as nurses crowded around her, armed with large knives._

_"You…you're wrong" she practically whispered, her resolve slowly weakening as she felt her grip on reality fading._

_"I'm not though. Your precious Captain doesn't love you. How could a man so good love a killer like you?"_

_"I…I love him" she stuttered over her words. She meant it, she loved him, didn't she? She thought she did, but how could she be sure?_

_"Love is for children. Pity you'll never have any of your own, and why is that_ _my darling?"_

_"Because you're heartless"_

_"Oh Natalia" he said as she felt knives slice through her stomach "You never learn" She looked away from the nurses, averting her eyes to the side, biting down on her tongue to stop herself from screaming. She couldn't show her pain, pain was weakness and she couldn't afford to be weak_

_"You're right" she almost whispered. She couldn't hold on any longer, her walls had fallen and she was defenceless._

_"I'm sorry, what was that Natalia?" Alexi teased her, cupping his hand against his ear giving her a shit eating grin. He'd won and he knew it. "You're right. I don't deserve him"_

_"Oh no my precious child. You'll destroy him. Everything you do will slowly break him, until he finally gives up" she couldn't believe his words, they weren't true. She wasn't that person anymore. "He…he wouldn't"_

_"And you'll come running back to me young Natalia. Do you know why?" she stayed silent, unwilling to answer._

_"Because you will realise I was right. You destroy, you kill, you burn everything you touch. How could you possibly bring joy into this world?"_

_"Stop, please, stop" she begged, tears streaming down her face._

_"How could you possibly feel worthy enough to carry Captain America's children? He is pure and honourable, you are poison"_

_"No, please"_

_"Admit it Natalia" she turned her head away from him, concentrating on the pain to avoid his words._

_"Answer me Natalia" he grabbed her face roughly, gripping her jaw tightly._

_"Natalia"_

_"Natalia"_

_"Natasha" his voice started to change, his face fading from her view. Blood was pouring out of her stomach, her entire body screaming in pain._

_"Natasha"_

_"Nat"_

_"Wake up Nat"_

* * *

She jolted awake, pushing the covers off her clammy body. She felt a hand on her shoulder that she ignored as she pulled up her tank top, searching for blood. She scrambled at her stomach, relaxing as she realised there was no blood. She shrank back into the bed, curling into a ball facing the wall, trying to control her shaking body.

"Nat?" Steve asked gently as she traced her finger over a faint scar on her stomach. The scar that brought her so much pain throughout her life, a constant reminder of all the things she could never be. She didn't respond to Steve, only curling into herself more as images flashed through her mind, torturing her as she tried to desperately think of anything else.

"Talk to me Nat" he pleaded, his voice laced with concern as he tenderly placed a hand on her shoulder. She jerked away from his touch, instantly grabbing the knife she hid under the mattress and jumping on top of him, holding the knife to his throat.

"Natasha" he tried not to sound scared, but he was terrified. His girlfriend was holding a knife to his throat, but he was still more concerned that she would do something to hurt herself.

"Don't talk" she begged, her hand shaking as the pressure increased. He could almost feel the metal slice into his skin as it wobbled, her grip weak.

"Natasha, it's me Steve. You don't want to hurt me" he said gently, and she whimpered in response, her hand stilling slightly.

"I do" she insisted, pressing further into his neck. He brought his hands up slowly so they were behind his head in an attempt to look non-threatening "No you don't. I'm not going to hurt you, and you're not going to hurt me"

Recognition flashed in her eyes, and as quickly as she was on him, she was leaping off him and getting out of bed, the knife still teetering in her grip. She backed herself against the wall, all her training going out the window, because she was broken. She didn't deserve the life she had, she killed and she murdered innocent people. How could she even pretend like she deserved to be happy when all she did was take?

"Don't touch me. I'll only end up hurting you like I hurt everyone else" she sobbed, holding the knife weakly in front of her. He knew he had to be careful, he knew how destructive she could get, and he didn't want her to hurt him, or herself. She'd come close enough as it was, he didn't want to push her over the edge. He moved closer to her, not getting off the bed. He'd never seen her like this before, so consumed in whatever horrors she saw, so wrapped up in her own mind that he was genuinely scared.

"I'm not scared of you Nat. You're not going to hurt me" he said gently, swinging his legs over the side of the bed but not standing. He held up his hands, trying to show her that he was safe, and that he trusted her.

"I'm a parasite Steve. I worm my way into people's lives and then kill any hope or happiness they have. I'm a killer, I'm a monster. You should be scared of me" she half yelled, trying not to break down. He didn't know what to say or do, he was so completely out of his league, he didn't want to say the wrong thing and push her even further into her own head.

"You're not a monster Nat" he tried convincing her, even though he knew it wouldn't do anything. She was too far gone to listen to reason, but he needed to at least try.

"I am" she argued weakly, her hand shaking as she tried to defend herself.

"Give me the knife Natasha" he told her, trying to stay calm as she started to break down.

"I…I…ca-can't" she stuttered, letting the knife clatter to the floor as she sank down against the wall. He carefully approached her, picking up the knife and placing it on a shelf, one where she couldn't reach it.

"Can I sit next to you?" he asked gently, keeping his distance as tears rolled down her face. She nodded meekly, bringing her knees up to her chest. He sat down, careful to keep some distance between them so he wouldn't startle her.

"I'm sorry" she murmured, shuffling slightly so their shoulders were touching.

"You have nothing to be sorry for" At his gentle words he felt her final wall collapse as she broke down, burying her face in his shoulder. Unsure of what to do he tenderly placed an arm around her waist, which she thankfully responded well to, clinging to the fabric of his shirt. He pulled her onto his lap, letting her cry into his shoulder. Her sobs were big, and ugly, but he was glad. He could help a crying Natasha, even if he had no idea what was happening in her head. He wormed his arms under her legs, slowly standing up and placing her back on the bed. He tried to let go of her, but she clung tightly to him, like she was afraid to let go. Clambering onto the bed with her still in his arms, he wrapped a blanket around her shoulders, pressing a kiss to her forehead as she curled up in his arms, trying to be as small as possible.

"What's going on? Jarvis told me she had a knife" Clint shouted, running into their room, taking in the sight of the pair of them.

"Clint? What are you… never mind. She had a nightmare" Steve explained, gesturing to the shaking girl in his arms. He couldn't tell if she was registering Clint's presence or not, crying into his chest.

"Can you handle this?" Clint asked quietly. He had experienced Natasha's nightmares first-hand, and knew that anything could happen in the aftermath, although he'd never seen her like this before.

"Yeah, I got this" he said, pulling her closer to him. She seemed to respond to the movement, gripping his t-shirt tightly as she rocked in his arms.

"Steve" she choked out, tears still streaming down her face as she broke away from him slightly, looking at his face.

"I'm here" he tightened his hold on her shaking figure as he saw the pain in her eyes "You're safe now. Nothing can hurt you here"

"Do you want me to get some bandages?" Clint asked, nodding towards the cut on her leg. Steve hadn't even noticed that she was bleeding, too concerned about her mental well-being over her physical one.

"Yeah, there's some in the bathroom cabinet" Clint scurried off into the adjacent bathroom, rummaging through the cupboards. He returned a few minutes later with a first aid kit. Steve tried to remove his arms from her iron grip, but the more he moved the tighter she clung onto him.

"Can you?" he asked, watching as Clint sat next to them on the bed, opening the box, taking out some bandages. Clint gently pulled her leg away from her body so he could see what he was doing. Despite the boiling temperature, she was shaking and shivering in Steve's arms.

"What happened?" Clint asked, applying pressure to her leg with a clean bandage to stop the bleeding.

"She had a knife, she must've cut herself when she dropped it on the floor" he said, stroking her hair and pressing kisses to her forehead "I didn't even notice"

"I don't blame you, I probably wouldn't either" Clint let out a small chuckle looking over to Natasha.

"Is this normal?" Steve had never seen her this affected by a nightmare before, but he knew he wasn't an expert in all things Natasha, at least not as much as Clint was.

"No, this is new. Hold her still" Clint told him. He used a wipe to disinfect her cut, causing her to whimper into Steve's chest in pain. "It's okay, you're good. I've got you"

"Is everything okay?" Tony walked through the doors to her bedroom. He raised an eyebrow slightly at Steve holding Natasha so closely, but said nothing, clearly reading the mood of the room.

"Tony?" Clint asked, finishing bandaged her leg. As soon as he was done, she jerked it back towards her body, curling into herself even more.

"Jarvis automatically tells me when a resident of the tower is in danger. Are you okay man?" Tony asked Steve before looking at Natasha "Actually, scrap that. Is she okay?"

"Yeah, Steve's got this" Clint replied "You got this right?"

"Yeah, we'll be fine" he assured them. Tony still had a sceptical look on his face, but Steve really couldn't bring himself to care. All he wanted to do was make sure Natasha was okay.

"Love you Tash" Clint said, dropping a kiss to her hair before leaving the room

"Take care of her" Tony added, joining Clint as they walked out

She slowly started to calm, her cries become small whimpers. "I'm a monster" she whispered after a while. Steve felt his heart fracture into tiny pieces at the words.

"You're not a monster" he told her, but knew better than to argue with her anymore. He held her in his arms as she muttered incoherent words, as he pulled her close to his body. He stroked her hair as her breathing steadied as she calmed down.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" he asked gently as she stopped shaking.

"I can't" she mumbled as she pulled away from him

"Well if you want to talk about it, I'm always here" he told her, kissing her forehead gently

"I know" she pulled herself from his embrace, leaning against the headboard and wrapping her blanket tight around her shoulders.

"Do you want to go back to sleep" he asked, moving to sit next to her before pulling her body closer to his. He knew she'd try to retreat away from him, and he couldn't let her do that to herself. He couldn't let her think she was all alone.

"I don't think I can Steve" she admitted, leaning her head against his shoulder

"That's fine. Do you wanna get up?" he said gently, stroking her hair gently in an effort to provide some comfort.

"Can we watch a movie?" she asked tentatively like she was scared of the response. He sighed, kissing her forehead gently "Anything you want" JARVIS put a movie on the TV at the end of the bed. She snuggled further into his side, sniffling slightly. He wiped the tears that had stained the cheeks of her face, kissing the top of her head. She clung onto him, whimpering as her breathing steadied.

"Am I a good person?" she asked, looking up at him, her brow furrowed. "Of course you are"

"How? I killed so many people. I've done so much bad" she told him, her eyes fresh with tears. She looked away from him, concentrating on her grip around his waist.

"You've done so much good as well. It's one of the many reasons why I admire you so much" he tried to convince her, brushing the pad of his thumb gently over her cheek.

"How? How can you think that? I'm not...I don't...I can't…" her voice cracked, stopping her from finishing.

"Nat, look at me" he placed his finger under her chin, lifting it up gently to make her eyes meet his. "You are a good person. What that place made you do isn't your fault, you can't keep blaming yourself for their problems" "But-" she interrupted, before her cut her off by placing a tender kiss on her lips. He rested his forehead on hers, holding her close to him.

"You have saved the world more times than I can count. You have done more than enough to make up for what you've done. You are a good person Nat, one of the best I've ever met, and I've been around a long time" he knew she could never resist an old man joke, and her lips curled up slightly, but she didn't laugh. Nevertheless, he took it as a win as he pressed a kiss into her hair.

"You're wrong" she corrected him "All that red-"

"The red isn't blood Natasha, it's love. Because you are loved. You are capable of loving, and capable of being loved. So trust me when I say that you're a good person, because I love you. I love you so goddamn much and I know it's hard for you to believe that, but it's true"

"I can't be the person you want me to be" she choked out, finally voicing the thoughts she was so afraid to say. She was afraid to be right, she was afraid that he's realise who she was, he'd realise all the bad she'd done and decide he was done.

"You already are Nat. You're everything I could ever want and so much more"

"I'm not. I'm…I'm a…"

"Trust me Nat, you are a good person. You are an awesome, amazing, strong, good person" he told her. She said nothing else on the matter, snuggling into his side and watching the movie on the screen.

"I…I have to tell you something" she mumbled. He never got to hear what she was going to say as he felt her breathing even out, signalling to him that she had fallen asleep. He turned off the movie, lowering them down so they were lying down. He watched her sleep, her face finally looking peaceful despite the tears. Steve knew that whatever she wanted to tell him, she'd do it eventually when she was ready, and he was happy to wait. He held her tightly, falling into a light sleep next to her, as he thought of ways to make her feel better the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I’ll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.


	19. Memory's a Fickle Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers and Shield get sent on a mission, where Natasha experiences some memory issues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise in advance for the length of this chapter, it’s pretty short but it was necessary to set up for the next one, because I’ve actually attempted something that could be misconstrued as a plot. To make up for it, the next chapter’s much longer than usual. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

"We really need to stop drinking so much" Coulson said at breakfast after another night of drinking. They were all sprawled throughout the room, most of them dozing on whatever surface they could find. For Natasha, her head was buried in her arms, leaning against the cool counter of the island. Her head was throbbing and she just wanted everyone to just  _be quiet_. But Steve was cooking bacon and that heavenly smell was all she could think about. She wanted bacon, and eggs. God she wanted eggs. And peanut butter, she could really go for some peanut butter.

"Sir, you have an urgent call from Director Fury" JARVIS cut through her thoughts like a siren sawing through her brain. Why was he always so loud? Didn't he have a scrap of human decency?

"Guys, let Steve handle this. He's the only one who isn't slightly hungover" May mumbled, though she looked considerably better than the rest of them. Which granted, wasn't exactly hard. She tilted her head slightly to see what was happening, though immediately regretted it as her head started pounding against her skull. Everyone else seemed to have sat up, but she couldn't bring herself to pretend to not be hungover. Fury would know anyway and the thought of not moving was the most amazing thought in the world right now. Well, that and bacon.

"Put him through" Tony grumbled, causing Fury to pop up on the TV mounted to the wall.

"Hey Fury. What's up?" Steve asked nervously, trying to seem casual. Natasha let out a soft chuckle at his attempts to seem normal. God she needed to tell her man how to lie. No, not her man, Steve didn't belong to her. Well, he sort of did, but she didn't control him, he wasn't hers. God, it was too early to think about that sort of stuff.

"You're hungover" Fury said bluntly, rolling his eyes at their efforts to pretend otherwise.

"How'd you know?" Clint asked as everyone relaxed in their chairs. She still hadn't made the effort to lift up her head. Couldn't Steve just be finished with that bacon yet? What was taking him so long?

"None of you have ever sat up that straight in your lives" Natasha lifted her head up just enough to look at Fury, and she couldn't tell if he was pissed off or slightly amused.

"Really? I know you're a spy and all but…"

"Well, that and Romanoff looks like she's been run over by a bus. And the last time she looked like that was when she was run over by a bus" Fury explained, causing them all to face her with concern. She waved them off, pulling the hood of her jacket over her head and curling into a ball on the chair "What? I'm fine now. No lasting damage"

"Debatable" Tony joked though it fell short on her. Her head hurt too much to deal with him today "I swear to you if Fury wasn't here right now" as they started to argue, the rest of the room started to talk, the noise level steadily rising. She was so pissed at Tony, she was done with him. Why couldn't he just be sensitive for once in his life?

"AGENTS!" Fury yelled, causing everyone to stop talking and look at him sheepishly "If there was an alien invasion right now the world would be defenceless because the 'worlds mightiest heroes' are bickering like school children"

"We weren't-" Tony interrupted

"You were. I need all of you on the bus and on your way to Indonesia ASAP"

"What's going on?" Steve asked, the only person capable of actually paying attention. Natasha groaned, the more he talked, the longer it would take to get bacon. And she wanted bacon.

"Some old Shield tech's been stolen. I'll brief you on the mission in a few hours when you're not hungover, or drowning in your own drool like Barton" they looked over to Clint who was passed out on the table, snoring quietly. Fury disappeared, leaving them to groan in discomfort.

"You finish that bacon yet Rogers?"

* * *

She slowly came to, groaning as she opened her eyes. She was tied to a chair in a cell, her head pounding as she squinted to get a better look at her surroundings. The air was stale as she tried to breathe, trying to find the oxygen that her lungs were begging her for. She could hear the slight whistle of air coming through a vent, but she couldn't make out where it was coming from. Her head was pounding as she desperately tried to make sense of what was happening. A woman was tied in a chair to her right, a man on her left. They were both awake and looking at her as she tried to remember how they got there. She knew she was in danger, her mind screaming at her to get out of wherever she was, but the people she was with seemed to calm her, like she trusted them.

"Nat?" the woman asked quietly as she came around. Her face swam in and out of focus as she tried to concentrate on her features. The world eventually stopped spinning as she scrunched up her eyes and tried to place the woman. She knew she trusted her, but she didn't know why, and the fact she couldn't bring a name to her mind scared her.

"What happened?" she croaked out. She licked her lips trying to get any moisture onto them, her throat was burning and dry as she tried to think. She could remember herself, she could remember her training. She recognised the urge to fight, to save herself from wherever she was

"Cognitive recalibration" the man said. She raised her eyebrow at the words, trying to figure out where she'd heard them before because they were oh so familiar. Like she'd said them herself once. A vision flashed through her mind

_"I don't understand. Have you ever had someone take your brain out and play? Pull you out and send something else in? Do you know what it's like to be unmade?"_

_"You know I do"_

_"Why am I back? How did you get him out?"_

_"Cognitive recalibration. I hit you really hard in the head"_

The thoughts didn't seem her own, they weren't her memories, but she trusted this man. He'd gone through something similar? She couldn't remember, and it infuriated her. "I was hit really hard on the head" she finally said, different memories attacking her brain as she racked her mind for hints.

"Yep" the man chuckled, and she desperately reached for a name. She knew it, she knew she did but is was evading her. Different faces flooded her vision, each one as meaningless as the last. She lingered on some more than others, a pale skinned man with long dark hair, flashes of metal surrounding him. A man with an eye patch, his eyes unreadable. A man with a chiselled jaw, blonde hair and blue eyes. Just seeing him set off a feeling in her, one she didn't know, one she couldn't understand. It made her feel…happy?

"Where are we?" she should be able to rely on her instincts, but right now her instincts were screaming that she was safe, and that she could trust them. And she trusted her instincts, so she followed them. She didn't like relying on others, not when she could do the job herself, it wasn't in her nature. There was something important she needed to remember, something really important, and it infuriated her that she  _just couldn't._

"You don't remember?" the woman furrowed her eyebrows at her. She was bleeding from her forehead, and she vaguely wondered if she'd done it. She felt guilty thinking it, but that didn't make any sense. Why would she feel bad about hurting someone? Black Widows didn't feel, they killed, but somewhere in the back of her mind someone was screaming at her. This wasn't right. She wasn't right. There was something wrong with her.

"Nope, I don't think I remember anything"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I’ll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.


	20. Something Seriously Wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Natasha mysteriously is missing her memory, we head back in time to find out what happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was painful for me to write, because I just couldn’t figure out where I wanted to go with it. But it’s finished and I’m never going to do anything that constitutes a plot ever again. Probably. Maybe. But anyway, I’m sorry for the wait and I hope you enjoy the chapter!

_This wasn't right. She wasn't right. There was something wrong with her._

_"I don't think I remember anything"_

* * *

_4 hours earlier_

"We received some intel that an ex shield agent has been dealing weapon designs from an old government facility in rural Indonesia. These weapons could blow up entire continents, so these designs cannot leave the building" Fury explained on the screen in the control room, building schematics coming up a screen beside him "Romanoff and May will go in first through a service hatch 2 miles from the base. That will take you right under the entrance, where you will enter and take down anyone in the room. When they reach the room Stark will fly in Barton and drop him on the roof, providing backup as they work their way up the building. When the bottom floor is secure, Skye, Rogers and Morse will enter through the back entrance and work their way up through the back stairwell whilst May and Romanoff will go up the front stairwell. Whatever is going on is happening on the sixth floor of the building based on energy readings. You will secure the target and bring him in alive, blowing up the base after the weapons are secure. Fitzsimmons will be on standby in case of any technological complications. Hunter will be their backup. Coulson and Banner will oversee the mission from the plane. The Hulk is only to enter the field if sudden radio silence is to occur."

"Yes Sir" Coulson said, swiping through the different files they'd been sent.

"Dismissed" Fury disappeared off the screen. Steve took a file off of Coulson

"Suit up and sit down, wheels down in 20" May told them, going to the cockpit. They all dispersed to various different parts of the plane and Natasha was just about to leave when Steve caught her hand. He looked around, noticing that they were alone before pulling her closer to him.

"Stay safe" he squeezed her hand lightly, and she smiled brightly at him.

"You too" she kissed him on the cheek, lingering longer than usual. "I have a bad feeling about this mission"

"Me too. But I trust you to kick some ass" Steve joked, his lips quirking up into a smile.

"Never doubt it" she smirked up at him, punching his shoulder playfully before landing a kiss on his lips and sauntering away. Steve felt all the air leave his lungs, his gaze lingering on her ass for just a little too long. "Jesus fucking Christ"

* * *

"Status?"

"Under the entrance now. Send in Hawkeye and Stark" May said through the comms. She opened the air vent and the climbed out, deftly landing behind some crates. Natasha followed her, swinging the vent shut as she did so.

"I'm reading ten heat signatures, four guarding the front door, two guarding the back and four patrolling" Bruce told them, and Natasha peeked her head over the crates to confirm. She nodded to May, pointing towards the front entrance.

"May, you take the guards on the doors, I'll take those on the ground" Natasha ordered, pulling out her guns and flashing a smile at May. She methodically checked her ammo, clicking the safety off as she swung the gun around her finger.

"Copy that boss" May joked, pulling out her own gun

"Thought you didn't need a weapon?" Natasha smirked at her, raising her eyebrows

"I thought the situation called for it" May shrugged her shoulders, tilting her head slightly before saying "I saw you and Cap kiss earlier"

"Oh yeah?" Natasha cocked an eyebrow. Steve was going to kill her when he found out another person knew about their relationship. She was beginning to think that more people knew than didn't at this point.

"Yeah, congrats" May said casually, and just like that the conversation was over. "On three?"

"Barton, you in position?" Natasha asked first, holding her hand up to her ear.

"Yep. Let's teach this motherfucker who's boss" Clint said. They slipped out from behind the boxes, Natasha swiftly taking out the guards patrolling as May headed towards the door. They could hear Clint shooting arrows rapidly over the comms, but he was quickly drowned out over the firing of their own guns. Natasha gracefully made her way across the floor, sweeping her leg under an unsuspecting guard, sending him to the floor. She shot over him as he fell, striking another directly in the gut. It wouldn't kill him, they were all wearing armour, but it would take him out for the time being. A man caught her off guard from behind, wrapping his arm around her neck as she struggled out of his grip. She bit down on his arm, shocking him just enough to elbow him in the stomach, sliding out of his grip before sending him to the ground with a swift kick to the head. She looked over to May quickly, before hearing the whiz of a bullet strike past her ear and directly into another guards chest. Natasha nodded her thanks at her before looking around. All the men were either whimpering in pain or unconscious.

"I think that might be a new record" Clint commented, clearly having finished with his guards.

"Nope, Budapest" Natasha reminded him

"Okay, what the hell happened in Bud-" Tony started saying, before being cut off by the crackling of static

"What was that?" May asked, fiddling with the comm in her ear.

"No idea. Clint?" she asked, tapping her ear aggressively as she got no reply. "Guess the comms are broken"

"Great" May responded, rolling her eyes. They were too distracted to notice the figure lurking in the dark before it was too late.

* * *

"Fitz, what just happened?" Coulson demanded. The comms had gone dead, and they had no visual on the building.

"Massive energy spike over the compound" Fitz said, frantically trying to patch into Tony's suit

"Looks like an EMP similar to the one you designed a few years back" Simmons commented, looking at the readings from the buildings "Practically identical actually"

"So this is definitely SHIELD tech we're looking at?" Bruce asked

"Almost. It's definitely modified from my original design, but I won't be able to tell until I can actually see it" Fitz said "Which I can't do if we have no visuals or access to the building"

"What do we do?" Hunter asked, and they could hear the faint noise of an engine revving in the background.

"Wait till Stark comes back online. He'll be able to reboot within the next five minutes" Bruce said.

"Coulson?" Steve asked over the comms, referring back to the man for the final word.

"We wait for 10 minutes. If he doesn't come back online, we send in Fitz's drones to do another scan before sending in Rogers, Morse and Skye" Coulson ordered.

"Copy that." Approximately 7 minutes and 39 seconds later Tony's voice came though the comms, not that any of them were counting or anything like that.

"Hey guys, what'd I miss?" Tony's snarky voice came through the comms

"What happened?" Coulson asked, pulling up the visuals from the Iron Man suit.

"An EMP was set off somewhere in the building. All I saw was a bunch of guys coming onto the roof and fighting Barton before I started falling" Tony explained. They could hear whirring, and soon found out the cause as they got a new heat signature reading on the building.  
"You okay?" Steve asked, slight concern seeping into his voice.

"Yeah, the backup generator kicked in before I hit the ground. But it looks like there was some gas released in the building" he said, sending them updated scans of the building.

"Any idea what it was?" Coulon asked, getting no sign from the scans.

"My best guess, a knockout gas" they could practically hear Tony shrug his shoulders

"Makes sense if this guy is ex Shield. Probably knew who we'd send after him, knew he couldn't beat us in a fight" Steve commented, keeping his voice steady. He wouldn't let it show, but he was concerned about Natasha, and Clint and May, but mostly Natasha. He knew she could handle herself, but if she was unconscious, well, he pushed that thought out of his head as soon as it arrived. There was nothing he could do for the moment to help her, and he had to trust that Natasha could get out of any situation she found herself in.

"What's the worst-case scenario?" Coulson asked. He was doing a significantly better job at staying calm than Steve was, or at least pretending he was.

"Some kind of Poison" Bruce replied, having looked briefly over Tony's intel.

"Shit"

"Fitz, send in the drones. Trace the air for chemicals, see what this gas is. Stark, rendezvous with Rogers, Morse and Skye and make sure you're not followed"

"Copy that"

* * *

"Well well ladies. It's been a long time" Natasha spun around on her heel, facing the man who came out of the shadows, her gun immediately raised. Through the corner of her eye she saw May do the same, moving around to circle him.

"Where's the tech?" Natasha asked. She couldn't figure this guy out. He walked with the confidence of someone who knew he was going to win, but he didn't have any weapons on him. He had a plan, but she couldn't work out what it was.

"The tech's irrelevant. You see, I made an interesting discovery whilst looking through it, and I'm much more intrigued to see what it can do" he said ominously. She eyed him up, glancing over to May, who subtly shrugged her shoulders, indicating she had no idea what he was talking about.

"What is it?" May asked, raising her gun higher threateningly. It seemed to have no effect on him, only further increasing their confusion.

"Gas" they immediately brought their hands up to their faces, covering their mouths and noses, forgetting about their weapons.

"Relax, I'm not going to gas you. At least not yet" he let out a small chuckle, fanning out his hands dramatically.

"What are you going to do?" Natasha narrowed her eyes at him, cocking her head to the side.

"I know what you're doing, I've read your file. You're stalling, for what I'm not sure. We've already got your arrow buddy detained, and there's nothing coming within miles of this base"

"If you know I'm stalling, then why are you still talking?" she questioned, because he was right. She was stalling, stalling for a plan that hadn't quite come to her or for backup that probably wasn't coming. She assessed her options, she could shoot him, he wasn't armed, he had no security, but she knew they needed him alive, at least for now.

"Because I want to see you face when you realise what's happening. A lot of the tech I took were made for hydra. Very lethal stuff. But what makes it so amazing is that Hydra has so many links to the KGB. Of course you already knew that" he looked so smug, and all Natasha wanted to do was swipe that smile off his face, but she couldn't, not yet. They needed to know his plan first, they needed to know what they were facing.

"What's your play here?"

"Now I'm not sure if you remember" he paused, seeming to chuckle at his own joke that they didn't get "but the KGB had their own ways of making sure agents stayed loyal. Now it won't affect dear agent May here, but you on the other hand" Natasha's eyes widened in realisation, and he chuckled at her "You finally understand"

"Get out of here May" she warned, facing the woman as the gears turned in her head. She wouldn't let him get his way, she wouldn't forget, she couldn't forget.

"What's going on?" May asked panicked. She could see the conflict behind Natasha's eyes,

"The gas, they used it to wipe our memories of missions" she explained, putting as much distance between them as possible. She threw her gun across the floor, along with her knives and batons, the less weapons she had the better. She didn't know what was about to happen but she knew it was bad.

"It's ironic really, that you can't remember what happened when you were gassed. Let's just say I have no need for my soldiers" They could hear the hissing of air from the vents, and on instinct they brought their hands up to their mouths, but they knew it would be useless. They were trapped. The man pulled a gas mask over his head, laughing to himself as he walked away.

"What's going to happen Nat?" May cocked her head at her

"I don't know. Shockingly, I can't remember" she almost rolled her eyes, but it wasn't funny. There was nothing about this situation that was funny.

Natasha saw red. All she saw was red. She lunged at May, ducking under May's outstretched gun arm as she made a jab at her side. May was quick though, and she dodged the oncoming attack, immediately going on the offensive.

"Natasha, talk to me" May said, grabbing her hand and flipping her onto the floor. Natasha swept her leg under hers, bringing May down to the ground as she flipped back up.

"My name's Natalia" she argued, dodging the bullet May sent her way. It was off target, maybe she was a bad shot, or maybe she wasn't actually trying to hurt her.

"No it's not. Your name is Natasha Romanoff. You're an agent of Shield" she insisted, and Natasha wondered idly if that was supposed to mean something to her. If this woman was supposed to mean something to her. Her moment of hesitation cost her dearly, a strike to her back sending her flying to the floor. She grunted, twisting around and deftly getting to her feet just in time to dodge an oncoming back. She responded with her own, her arms and legs flying in a perfectly deadly dance as she landed strike after strike. "I am nothing more than what they made me"

"No you're not" May said, finally ducking under her leg, causing Natasha to lose her balance slightly, giving her enough time to send her back down to the floor "I'm your friend, you don't need to hurt me"

Natasha let out a chuckle, didn't she understand? The was all she needed to do. She needed to hurt and kill like it was an addiction, that's all that's important. She blocked a fist flying at her face, grabbing onto May's arm and flinging herself off the ground. She kicked May into the wall, her head hitting it with a thud as she fell to the floor unconscious. Natasha smirked to herself before she felt her energy lagging, the adrenaline once coursing through her veins stopping. Her head was pounding and memories flooded her head, each one making no more sense than the last. Her world went dark as she collapsed to the floor, having just enough sense to throw out her arms before passing out.

* * *

"I've not seen anything like it before, but it looks like a mild poison. It's diffused out the room now so it should be safe to enter" Fitz said finally. Steve had been pacing anxiously for the last few minutes whilst they gathered information, much to the chagrin of his teammates. He couldn't help but be nervous. They were about to walk into a trap with absolutely no information on any of the team inside.

"What does that mean for Nat and May?" Steve asked, stilling his movements as he messed with the strap on his shield.

"They should be okay. Seems powerful enough to knock them out for a few hours but no lasting damage" Bruce replied, sending a copy of his scan to Steve's phone. He looked at it briefly before realising he had no clue what any of it meant and showed it to Bobbi.

"Any sign of Barton?" Skye questioned, checking over the guns in her hands.

"He's not on the roof anymore, although there's a lot of guards everywhere now" Tony said with a sigh, his thrusters whirring as he kept his distance from the building.

"What are our orders?"

"Enter the building through the front, any element of surprise we may have had is gone. Skye, take point and quake them, Cap and Mockingbird behind you. Stark, take out anyone on the roof" Coulson ordered

They infiltrated the building, taking out everyone on the ground floor with ease. There'd been little resistance, and bodies from where Natasha and May had been littered the floor.

"Quake, Mockingbird, look for the weapons plans, bring them back to the bus so Fitzsimmons can analyse them. I'll find Barton, Romanoff and May" Steve ordered. Apart from the bodies, there were no sign of the women or Clint, which was both worrying and comforting. They weren't on the floor with the other bodies, so that was good. But it meant they were someone else, and potentially in a lot of danger.

"Copy that"

Steve cautiously snuck down the stairs to the basement, on guard in case of others. The corridor was dark and he stuck to the shadows, a light flickering every now and then.

"-remember us?" Steve heard crackling over the radio. He couldn't hear enough to figure out who it was, but he desperately hoped it was Clint.

"You're Clint, you didn't kill me" he heard Natasha's voice, instantly bringing a smile to his face

"Guys?" he whispered hesitantly, still careful that this could be a trap. He hadn't seen anyone at all, which meant there wasn't anybody left, or the guards were all upstairs. But that didn't make any sense, why would you send your guards away from your prisoners. The more time he spent here, the less it made sense.  
"Steve. Thank God, we have a small problem" Clint said, and he could hear the relief in his voice though it was masked by another emotion, one he couldn't figure out.

"I'm just glad you're alive" Steve commented, and Clint butted in before he could ask anything "Yeah, we do have an issue though"

"Don't worry, I'm coming" Steve told them, hurrying to find them. He found a small jail cell with a small window in the door. He looked through the window, finding his 3 teammates tied to chairs. He bashed the lock with his shield, opening the door. There was no one around, only confusing him further but he couldn't help the relief that flooded him seeing his teammates unharmed and alone.

"Ladies, I believe you called for backup" Steve said, shoving the shield on his back as he went to untie them.

"Smooth Rogers, real smooth" May rolled her eyes at him as Steve untied her wrists.

"I'm here too you know" Clint complained from his chair, trying to jerk his feet out of the ropes.

"I was mainly talking to you" Steve joked, causing a giggle to come out of Natasha. They all turned to her curiously, and Steve raised an eyebrow at her.

"Did Romanoff just giggle? Did anyone else hear the giggle?" Tony asked over the comms in disbelief.

"Oh my god! I just heard the Black Widow giggle!" Skye exclaimed, clearly over excited.

"Skye, we've talked about your fangirling" Coulson told her "Did Coulson just say the word fangirling? What is happening to the world?" Hunter asked

"Who's that?" Natasha asked, nodding towards Steve

"That's Steve Rogers" May told her. Steve on his part, looked confused, which May posed was completely fair. His girlfriend couldn't remember him and had just asked who he was.

"Uhhh, guys, why can't Nat remember me?" Steve asked them, letting his confusion show because what else could he do. He was worried, he didn't know what was going on and something about this mission just screamed wrong.

"She appears to be having some memory issues" Clint informed him. Steve went over to untie her "GET AWAY FROM ME!" Natasha yelled, trying to kick him but just ended up thrashing in the chair she was tied to.

"Natasha it's me Steve. I'm not going to hurt you" he held his hands up, backing away from her in hopes to calm her down.

"How the hell am I supposed to believe you?" she asked. Steve sighed, before turning off his comms, signalling for May and Clint to do the same. He knelt down in front of her, taking one of her hands in his. She squirmed slightly, but she didn't try to kill him so that was a bonus.

"Natasha. I made you a promise that I would never hurt you. I know you can't remember that right now. But I love you, and I would never do anything to hurt you, ever. I promise, and I really need you to trust me right now, because we're in danger, and I don't want you to get hurt" he said gently, looking into her eyes, hoping she would trust him.

"Okay" she nodded quietly. He could tell she didn't entirely trust him, that she was just following her instincts that had inexplicably told her she was safe.

"Thank you Natasha" he gently slid his other hand into hers, giving it a reassuring squeeze before untying her restraints. He moved onto Clint quickly, making quick work of the knots before going back to the door. He was sure after Natasha's screaming that someone would be coming, but it was still deserted.

"What's the plan Cap?" Clint asked, shaking out his hands, turning back on his comms as Steve did the same.

"Skye and Bobbi and getting the plans and any other information they can find. Tony is helping clear a way out for them. We need to get out of here before they blow up the building" he told them, pulling his shield from his back.

"How do we do that?" May asked, pulling out her gun. It was even weirder that they hadn't been stripped of their weapons, especially ones as obvious as guns.

"We go back through the service hatch you guys came through. Hunter's there at the entrance waiting for us to take us back to the bus" Steve explained, taking Natasha's hand before leading the way. She was slightly dazed, although he couldn't blame her. He would probably be worse if significant parts of her memory were missing.

"Let's go"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I’m so sorry for the delay on this chapter, especially because of the way I ended the last one. But regardless if you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I’ll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.


	21. Back to Basics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have another chapter! My life has become really busy at the moment so uploads are probably going to slow down slightly, especially since a lot more of the upcoming chapters are currently only half written. So despite that, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

"What's your name?" Bruce asked as he was scanning her head for trauma. They'd returned to the plane quickly, having experienced no resistance, which only added to the mystery of what was happening. Steve knew something had happened in that base, but both Natasha and May were refusing to talk about it.

"Natasha Romanoff" she answered easily, glaring at Bruce for the question. She didn't seem to be appreciating the questions Bruce had been asking for the last few minutes.

"I just need a baseline Natasha" Bruce explained, not withering under her glare. He was used to her behaviour by now. "How old are you?"

"31. Well, technically 77, but that's not really relevant" she shrugged. Bruce looked to Clint for confirmation, so he nodded his head, smiling at Natasha.

"What else do you remember?" Bruce questioned before holding a torch in front of her eyes. She followed it around as he moved it, but not before rolling her eyes at him.

"Wait, you're 77?" Tony interrupted before she could answer Bruce's question

"I remember that's he's a dumbass" she quipped at Tony, although her memory was fuzzy and she didn't entire know who he was. "Hey!"

"Anything else?" Bruce interrupted. He turned to the holotable, looking at the scan of her brain. He frowned when he still couldn't see anything wrong with her.

"I was born in Stalingrad. I work for Shield" she recited, rolling her eyes once again. Couldn't they tell that she was fine and that all this testing was ridiculous. "Good"

"Clint Barton's my best friend, and he has two kids?" Clint frowned at her, shaking his head slightly. "I have three kids Nat"

"Right, Cooper, Lila and Nate" she remembered, looking sad at forgetting her nephew. Clint put an arm around her shoulders, squeezing her arm gently in comfort.

"Where do you live?" Bruce pressed, looking over the ever-increasing list of what might be wrong with Natasha.

"I…I don't know" she tried to rack her brain for any information, but alas, she came up empty handed. She frowned, and Steve felt his heart ache for her. He wanted to help her, he wanted to be there for her, but she couldn't remember who he was and it was all he could do to push away the thoughts that she might not ever remember.

"That's okay. Don't push yourself. You live in New York" Steve said gently, smiling sadly at her, though he tried to hide it.

"In Brooklyn" she smiled slightly, pleased her memory was coming back to her before she noticed the looks on everyone's faces. Clearly she didn't live in Brooklyn, not anymore at least, but she kept drawing a blank as to where she might live. As she looked over the faces in the room she realised she could recognise more of them, but most of them still meant nothing to her. Coulson was there, and looking worried as always, so was Clint and May, but everyone else were just blank faces.

"It's getting better. She's remembering more. She didn't know who I was when we woke up" Clint commented. "It seems like she's remembering things up to a certain point but after that it's blank"

"I don't get this. She doesn't have a concussion, there's no reason she should have amnesia"

"My name's Natasha, not she" Natasha protested, sick of being talked about like she wasn't even in the room. Especially by people she didn't even know yet claimed to know her.

"Uh, something happened in there" May finally said, breaking the tense silence that had fallen over the room at Natasha's previous statement.

"What?" Bruce turned to May, looking at her seriously. The woman knew that Natasha wouldn't want anyone to know what had happened, and that she was about to break her trust, but it had gotten too far.

"The gas they used, apparently they would use it on agents back in the Red Room. The guy knew it would affect Natasha, but not me" May told them, causing the team to look even more confused. "I have no idea how it worked, and why it didn't affect me"

"Well that's odd" Tony commented idly before Steve cut him off. "So what happened?"

"The gas, it made her forget everything. From what I can tell, she could remember her basic programming. Her name, her skills, all the stuff the Red Room would've ingrained in her. But nothing else She also went a little murdery" May explained. Truthfully, her memories of the event were a bit fuzzy, everything happening so quickly that she struggled to remember what happened.

"So what do we do?" Clint asked, looking at her with concern in his eyes.

"I don't know. She seemed to know what was about to happen, at least in regards to her memory"

"I'd assume that given time, her memories will return, but there's no residual of the gas left for me to test properly"

"What's the prescription doc?" Tony asked, smirking slightly at him.

"Rest" Bruce said bluntly, already preparing himself for Natasha's protests. It was honestly the only thing he could think of at this point. Wait and see if her memories came back.

"Rest?" Natasha questioned him, raising her eyebrows. She was expecting some sort of diagnosis, maybe some drugs. Something other than sit and reflect. "I can't do very much for you Natasha. It's the best I've got"

"Great" she snarked, and for the first time they could see their Natasha peek out.

"Clint will take care of you" he told her, not even turning around to look at her when he said the words. He knew she'd be fuming, he didn't need to see it as well.

"I don't need a babysitter" she protested, pouting at Bruce and cocking her head to the side.

"You're on concussion watch. So you do, in fact, need a babysitter" Bruce smarted back at her, to which she rolled her eyes. She got up off the bed, hitting away Clint's hand when he went to take it.

"I can cope just fine on my own thanks" she walked out the room, more annoyed than anything. Hurried footsteps followed her, ones she distinctly knew were Clint's. Her suspicions were confirmed when he fell into step beside her.

"You know where you're going?" he asked casually. She was confused about quite what Clint was to her, especially with Steve's words from when they were tied up fresh in her mind.

"Course" she walked up the staircase to the main area, heading in the opposite direction to the bunks.

"Other way Nat" he silently chuckled to himself as she turned on her heel and immediately started walking in the other direction "Right. I knew that"

He guided her to a bunk, sitting her down on the bed. She rolled her eyes at him, but followed his ordered, stripping out of her catsuit and changing into a pair of sweats he'd thrown her. Again, she didn't have any qualms about undressing in front of Clint, which confused her to no end.

"Clint?" she finally asked, having sat down and folded her legs underneath her.

"Yeah?" he was perched on the small desk in the room, watching her just enough to be unnerving.

"The guy Steve, when we were in that cell, he said he loved me" it wasn't a question, and yet she was unsure of her words.

"He did, didn't he?" he mused, smiling slyly at her. She hated not knowing things, and Steve was a giant enigma that she couldn't figure out. When she though about him, she felt an unfamiliar feeling, like a warmth in her chest that made absolutely no sense.

"Do I love him?" she asked curiously

"Yeah Nat. You do" he told her honestly, and a brief memory flashed through her head. The brush of soft lips against hers, a fingers interlocking perfectly together, a sense of calm and safety she'd never truly felt before.

"Huh"

* * *

Steve got up from where he was laying on the couch and walked towards the bunk he saw Clint leave earlier once he had declared that she didn't have a concussion and could be left alone. He hadn't talked to her since much earlier in the day, and he'd wanted to give her space but he couldn't cope anymore. He needed to see her, even if she didn't remember him, he needed to check for himself that she was okay. He heard footsteps from the other side of the plane, snapping him out of his thoughts as he got into a fighting stance, looking around from anything he could feasibly use as a weapon. He squinted through the darkness when he finally made out a face.

"Simmons?" he asked confused. It was dark enough that he had to squint to see her, but it was definitely her.

"Hey Steve. How are you?" Jemma said, trying to take the focus off of her. Steve could tell she was nervous about something, or maybe it was just his own at being caught trying to sneak into Natasha's bunk. He rubbed his eyes sleepily, "What are you doing" he asked, rubbing his eyes sleepily

"Nothing. I was just going to get a glass of water" she lied quickly. Steve still wasn't great at lying, but spending enough time with Natasha made him better at telling when someone else wasn't truthful. "By walking away from the kitchen?" he smirked at her, and although it may have been lost through the darkness, he could still see her grimace.

"Yeah"

"Seriously, what are you doing" he asked again, although he felt he already knew. But lesson 5,631 was that you should never assume something without solid proof.

"Fitz and I are kinda dating." She mumbled "But it's not official or anything, we're just figuring things out" she admitted, knowing she was too bad a liar to get away with it

"Finally" he muttered, before smiling at her gently. A small part of him hoped that she wouldn't ask him what he was doing out of bed.

"What about you? Where were you going?" Damn. A guy could wish couldn't he? He knew he should just tell her the truth, after all, she just admitted a secret to him. "To see Natasha"

"As a concerned friend or something more?" she asked. Steve knew he didn't really need to answer, she'd clearly already figured it out, but it did bring him a sense of relief. "Something more"

"About time" she let out a small chuckle

"Look, we're not gonna tell anyone about this are we" he asked "No. I think we keep this to ourselves" Simmons confirmed, letting out a small laugh.

"Have a nice night Jemma"

"Night Steve" she said, walking into Fitz's bunk. He smiled at her retreating figure, he was happy for the two scientists.

He walked towards Natasha's bunk, knocking on the door quietly, conscious of Tony and Bruce sleeping on the couches on the other side of the room. The door slid open and before he could register what was happening, Natasha had leapt off the bed and launched herself into his arms, clinging to him tightly.

"Steve" she mumbled into his lips as she kissed him passionately. Steve let out a sigh of relief, he would never admit it to anyone, but the thought of Natasha forgetting him forever shook him to his core and scared him more than he thought possible.

"I see you got your memories back" he laughed as he stepped into the bunk and sliding the door shut with her still in his arms. She pressed kisses to every piece of skin she could find, gripping his face firmly in her hands.

"I love you so much Steve. I'm so sorry I forgot you" she apologised between kisses, finally making her way back to his mouth.

"Don't be sorry. It was out of your control" he pulled himself away from her slightly so he could look her in the eyes, her forehead resting on his.

"I'm sorry I put you through that. I never want to forget you again" she said again, brushing his hair off his forehead and kissing the spot gently "It's okay Nat. You're here, and you remember now. Stop apologising"

"I'm still sorry" she repeated. She closed her eyes, a wave of exhaustion washing over her as soon as she was safe in his arms. She nuzzled into his neck, sighing softly and pressing a small kiss to his skin.

"How's the head?" he asked, sitting down on the bed, her limbs still wrapped around him like a monkey. She brought her head up from its spot on his neck, looking at him.

"Okay, everything's still a little fuzzy, but I'm fairly sure I remember everything" she finally untangled herself from him, letting him lie back and settle in the pillows. She sat still on his lap as if waiting for an invitation to move. Natasha knew it was the faint memories of the red room brought to the surface, but she felt uncertain around him. He didn't seem to have any qualms about her hesitation, just taking her hands and squeezing it lightly.

"Good" he pulled her down to his side, wrapping his arms around her tightly and kissing her forehead. It was a tight squeeze in the bed, but she simply lay so more of herself was draped over him. She closed her eyes, too tired to keep them open.

"So, I ran into Simmons outside" he told her once she'd settled into his embrace. She cracked open an eye to look at him. "And you told her about us" she assumed, giving him a soft smile.

"Sorry?" he offered, wincing slightly as he waited for her to react. She simply shrugged, pressing a kiss to his shoulder.

"It's fine Steve. Besides, I told Mel about us earlier" she admitted, snuggling further into his side and breathing the scent that was so distinctly Steve. "Well I kind of assumed she already knew, besides I did admit my love for you in front of her"

They fell into a comfortable silence, and Steve let his eyes slip shut as he felt Natasha's breathing even out.

"You know, there's not really a logical explanation to keep this secret anymore" she commented idly. Her voice was quiet, muffled by his skin.

"Yeah, I don't think we can use the excuse of figuring this out anymore, can we?" he let out a small chuckle, his hands playing with her hair subconsciously.

"Nah. So d'you think we should tell everyone?" she tilted her head up to look at him, her eyes burning with curiosity.

"I kinda like it" Steve told her, causing her to frown at him, confused at his statement "What?"

"All the sneaking around. Makes me feel like a teenager" he smirked at her, and she grinned back at him.

"Yeah, I get what you mean" she replied, because she completely understood. Neither of them had a typical childhood, Steve had always been too ill to do rebellious teenage activities and then the recession had hit. And her, well she was too busy being a Russian spy to be a teenager.

"It feels like everyone already knows anyway" Steve said, causing Natasha to frown at him once again. She was sure she could usually read him better than she was right now. "So you want to tell them, or you don't? I'm confused"  
"I guess what I'm saying is I don't mind either way" Natasha mulled over his words, thinking to herself. Would it really be so bad if people knew they were together? So much of her reputation, especially within Shield came from her being ruthless and void of emotions, could she really risk all of that? Yes, she immediately thought. Yes she could. She could do anything for Steve.

"How about we don't tell anyone, we just stop hiding the fact things are different between us. If they figure it out, they figure it out" it was her way of saying baby steps. Besides, she didn't think either of them were the type of people to call a team meeting just to update them on their relationship status.

"That sounds good. Anyway, I quite like having you all to myself" he smirked, and she chuckled weakly into his chest, a small puff of air escaping her lips.

"Hush now. I'm sleeping" she silenced him with a small kiss before resting her head on his chest. His heartbeat was steady under her cheek, the repetitive thudding already lulling her into sleep.

"Night Nat"

"Night Steve"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I’ll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.


	22. No Sleep for the Wicked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve can't sleep. Luckily he has Natasha to help him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it’s been a while huh? I’m sorry about the lack of uploads, but school life has been crazy lately combined with the fact I just haven’t been inspired to write. But I’m back, hopefully, with a consistent-ish schedule, hopefully. Have some fluff in apology.

Sleep. It was a fickle thing. Between all the residents of the tower, there would always be someone awake at all time of the day. Whether it was just Tony or Bruce staying up all night working, or someone just avoiding sleep, there was always someone awake. Tonight was Steve's night, as it had been for the last week or so. Every night he would lie next to Natasha, listening to her breathing even out as she fell asleep, and every night he would hope sleep would take him, and sometimes it did. But it was plagued with nightmares and he woke up in a worse state than before. So he had given up and had taken to laying in bed all night and just thinking, or wandering about the tower. By morning though, he always ended up on the couch in their room, watching the sun rise over the city before he would go for a run. Sometimes he would draw the skyline, concentrating on the sun lighting up the building, casting an amber glow across the sky. Today though, he was just watching.

"Steve?" Natasha asked groggily from the bed. He was so engrossed in his own thoughts that he hadn't even heard her stir when she woke.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" he whispered, looking at her and hoping she would just go back to sleep.

"Don't think so" she looked at him curiously, unsure of what was wrong with him. She could barely see him through the dark, but she could tell something was bothering him.

"Go back to sleep" he insisted, shifting his gaze back out the window

"Come back to bed. I'm cold" she complained, hoping to coax him back to the warmth of the bed.

"I'll be there in a sec, go back to sleep" instead of doing as he asked, she got up, wrapping a blanket tightly around her shoulders. The sun may have been out, but there was an unpleasant chill in the air. She walked over to him, sitting down next to him. Cupping his cheek gently, she pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

"God Steve, you're freezing" she commented, wrapping her blanket around his shoulders before climbing onto his lap and tucking herself under what was left. She gently touched the side of his face, tracing the contours of his face. She paused underneath his eyes, frowning at the bags starting to form.

"Have you slept?" she asked gently, continuing her soft movements as she swiped underneath his eyes. "No" he was honest with her, something that she had always appreciated, and she admired that about him.

"When was the last time you slept?" she prodded, moving her hands so they were raking through his hair in comfort.

"Last night" not technically a lie. He had slept, for about 20 minutes before a nightmare woke him up. He wasn't sure if he genuinely wanted to be alone, or if he just wanted to know that Natasha could see through his lies and be there for him. God, how fucked up did he have to be to test his girlfriend like that.

"Steve" she chastised, immediately seeing through his lie.

"I don't know Nat. I can't really remember, last week maybe" he felt his eyes tearing up, and he hated himself for being so weak. "Talk to me Steve. Tell me what's going on" She looked at him, tilting his face slightly so he was looking in her eyes, and all he could see love and concern in them.

"I can't sleep Natasha" She let out a soft chuckle at his statement "Yeah, I figured that one out"

"Every time I try to sleep, I just get restless. I can't get my thoughts to shut up, and when I finally can sleep, I just get nightmares"

"It's okay Steve. I understand." And she did. She got nightmares just as often, if not more, and they haunted you throughout the days afterwards. She wished Steve could escape from the horrors he saw everyday though his dreams, she wished he didn't have to relive the most painful parts of his life over and over again.

"I'm so tired Nat, I just want to sleep, but I…I can't" he started to tear up, the exhaustion starting to catch up with him.

"Hey baby, you're okay. It's gonna be alright" she reassured him, kissing him gently on the cheek, running her fingers through his hair. He buried his face in her neck, his arms wrapped tightly around her. Natasha's very presence was comforting to him, and he felt calmer just having her in his arms. "Go back to bed Nat" he said. He didn't want her to see him like this, and besides, he didn't want to keep her up for what was left of the night.

"Only if you come with me" she said, pressing a kiss into his hair. "I can't Nat"

"Hey, even if you don't go to sleep, come lay down. I'll stay awake with you, but you need to rest" she insisted. She got up, holding out her hand for him to take, wrapping the blanket back around her with her free hand.

"Okay, I'll try" he took her hand as she led him back to bed, getting in and pulling the sheets over them. He lay stiffly next to her, seemingly unsure of what to do with his body

"Relax Steve. You'll never sleep if you're tense all night" he tried to find a more comfortable, wriggling until she couldn't take it anymore. She grabbed his hand lightly, wrapping it around her waist, snuggling close to him. He finally seemed to relax with her in his arms, though not closing his eyes. They lay there for a while, staring at each other, before he seemed to get antsy again. "I can't do this Nat"

"If you keep telling yourself that you'll never get to sleep. Just concentrate on your breathing, in and out" she emphasised her breathing, letting him copy her as he closed his eyes slightly. She ran her fingers through his hair, just as he'd done so many times for her. He seemed content under her touch, humming slightly. He cracked one of his eyes open when he thought she'd fallen back to sleep, only to see her emerald green eyes staring back at him.

"What's going on Steve?" she pressed gently. She'd realised sleep wasn't going to come easily, and she wanted to get to the root of the problem. Seeing him so restless made her heart hurt, all she wanted to do was comfort him.

"I don't know. I want to sleep, I really do" he whined, and he would usually feel self-conscious about it, but he was just so tired. "I know you do baby"

"I'm just so restless. I just get so worked up that I can't stop thinking about the fact that I can't stop thinking" he admitted, and she smoothed her hands over his shoulders, pressing her hands into his muscles gently, giving him a half massage.

"I have an idea" she said after a while, because he still hadn't relaxed. Every time his eyes would slip shut, within minutes they'd snap back open again. Almost as if he was afraid of what might happen if he did.

"Oh?"

"If you can't willingly go to sleep, then I'm gonna have to work you to the point of exhaustion" she told him, shifting so she was sitting against the headboard. His head shifted so it was resting in her lap as she did so, her fingers carding through his hair softly.

"Look Nat, I appreciate it but I'm really not in the mood right now" he said, and she smiled internally at the interpretation of her words. It made her happy whenever he told her no, because there was a time when he didn't feel comfortable enough to admit he wasn't in the mood, which wasn't often, but still.

"Not like that dummy" she punched his arm gently before getting out of bed "Come on"

"Where are we going?" he asked, though he followed her without question. A t-shirt was flung at his head, momentarily obscuring his vision.

"The gym"

* * *

"You're pulling your punches Steve" she chastised, swinging her fist at his head, which he deftly dodged.

"I'm tired" he complained, and she momentarily stopped her attack to raise an eyebrow at him. "Tired enough to sleep?"

"No" he looked at her grumpily, though she could tell he wasn't ungrateful for her efforts.

"Then stop pulling your punches. You know I can take it Steve" she told him, resuming her attack. Truth be told, she could feel her energy fading, they'd be going at it for hours and she definitely hadn't got enough sleep the night before. She could only hope it was working as well for Steve as it was for her. She continued her assault, kicking and punching at him when she realised he wasn't trying to hit her back. He was just dodging and blocking her swings.

"Fight back Steve" she ordered, and she knew she was being harsh, but a large part of her couldn't bring herself to care. Steve clearly wasn't going to talk about whatever was truly bothering him, and it was affecting every aspect of his life, whether he admitted it or not. She didn't like it, and she wanted to fix it.

"Sorry" he grunted, swinging a poorly aimed fist at her head. She was about to berate him again about the fact they both knew he could do better, when they heard a thump above them followed by a stream of muffled curses. "Goddammit, shit. Fucking hell. Aww shit"

Natasha held up her hand to stop the fight, listening to the babblings. She gave Steve a shit eating grin, which he returned before looking up at the ceiling at the air vent.

"You okay up there Clint?" she could barely contain her laughter, because of course he would get stuck in the vents. The grate popped open, showing Clint's face smiling brightly down at them. "I'm good"

"Great, Nat just yielded, d'you wanna go a few rounds?" Steve asked, smirking at Natasha. They both knew full well that Clint definitely wasn't getting out of that vent without any help, and were looking forward to his excuses.

"Uhh, I'm good. I was actually about to go to bed" he lied nervously, and it wasn't for the first time that Steve wondered how he was a spy.

"At 6 in the morning?" Natasha raised an eyebrow at him, letting the disbelief bleed into her voice.

"You know what they say, the early bird gets the worm" Steve looked over to Natasha in confusion, and she shrugged her shoulders in response, because who knew what rubbish he was babbling. Clearly, he hadn't got much sleep the night before either.

"Okay, night then" Natasha waved at him before getting back into her fighting stance. Steve copied, and they continued the spar, fully aware that they had an audience that wasn't going anywhere even if they tried. Natasha took it easier on him this time, but was still ruthless in her approach.

"You just gonna watch Barton?" Natasha eventually said between kicks, shooting a look at where he was still half hanging out of the grate.

"Uhh, so don't laugh at me, but I might be stuck" he admitted quietly, like he knew what was about to happen. Which he probably did, but that didn't make his confession any less reluctant. Steve and Natasha both halted their moves, grinning at each.

"Jarvis, get everyone down here immediately" Natasha laughed with glee, and Steve couldn't help but smile fondly at her. It was so uncommon to hear her genuinely laugh, and it made his heart swell with affection.

"I have relayed your order. I have also been recording from the moment Mr Barton got stuck" Jarvis informed her. She smiled up at Clint, who grumbled and avoided looking at her. "Godammit Jarvis. You're supposed to be on my side"

"What the hell are we doing here at 6 in the morning Romanoff?" Tony moaned, hiding his yawn behind his hand as he stumbled in. Bruce and Thor were close behind him. She said nothing in response, simply pointing up at the ceiling. Clint grinned at them sheepishly, before glaring at Natasha once again.

"No way" Tony let out a laugh, sinking down to the floor as he struggled to stay standing "You're stuck?"

"I'm not stuck. I'm just temporarily frozen in place" Clint defended himself, and they couldn't help but break out into laughter.

"You're stuck" Steve repeated Tony's words to Clint, causing the man to frown and sigh resignedly. "Can you just…can you just get the butter?"

* * *

"You feeling tired?" she asked much later in the day. It had taken them hours to get Clint out the vents followed by a hectic day of trying out new tech Tony had made. By now, it was nearing midnight, and she'd been dozing off and on for hours on the sofa whilst they watched a movie, whilst Steve looked dreadfully alert.

"No" he sighed, burying his face in his hand and letting his eyes slip shut in exasperation.

"Okay, so what we're gonna do is we're gonna go to bed, and you're gonna try to sleep, but if you can't we'll get up and do something else" she told him, getting up from the crouch and groaning as her muscles stretched.

"Okay" She offered him a hand up before leading them into their bedroom, throwing him some sweats. He changed as she disappeared from the room before clambering under the covers. She joined him a few minutes later, her face washed and makeup removed. She scooted so her back was pressed against his stomach, his arm draped over her waist.

"Night Steve" she mumbled, and he could already hear her breathing steady as unconsciousness welcomed her.

"Night Nat" he whispered back, willing himself to follow her into sleep. He kept his body relaxed, his arm wrapped snugly around her form as she slept, unwilling to wake her up if he moved. He was sure she hadn't intended to fall asleep, and she certainly wouldn't of, except he had kept her awake and she was exhausted.

He stayed still for maybe an hour or two, not moving for fear of waking Natasha up, but sleep not coming for him. He felt her stir slightly in his arms, and he relaxed as much as he could, slipping his eyes shut to feign sleep. A long sigh escaped from her lips, and he couldn't tell whether she was awake or not.

"Okay. Get up" She huffed, escaping his arms and sitting up in bed and turning on the bedside lamp. He cracked open an eye to look at her guiltily, she needed sleep and he was stopping her from getting it.

"I could've been asleep" he argued weakly and she sent him a withering glare, and he couldn't tell whether she looked scary or just adorable with her messy hair and leftover makeup smudged under her eyes. "I think I know you well enough by now to know when you're not asleep"

"I'll be fine Nat. Go to back to sleep" he insisted, watching as she rubbed sleep out of her eyes, waking herself up.

"You're not fine Steve. I love you, and it's my job to take care of you when you're not fine, so get up" her voice toed the line between concern and harshness, though she brushed her hand through his hair gently.

"What are we doing?" he asked, sitting up and letting the sheets fall down to his waist. "We're going out," she informed him, not giving him anymore information.

"Out?" he questioned raising an eyebrow at her. "Out" she confirmed, only furthering his confusion at the situation.

"In the middle of the night?" Disbelief seeped into his voice, and she almost chuckled at him. "You scared Rogers?"

"Just confused," he told her, because he couldn't understand why Natasha would want to go outside, in the middle of the night, in New York. Sure, they were literal superheroes, but going out at night was a crime scene waiting to happen.

"The fresh air will do you good. We'll go to central park, walk around a bit and then we'll come back" she explained. He cocked an eyebrow at her curiously "And what then?"

"We make breakfast" she said like it was obvious

"And when are you planning on sleeping?" he questioned, but he knew the answer. He hated the answer but he knew it. "When you do" she told him.

"Nat…" he tried to protest, even though he knew there was no point. Once Natasha had decided something there was no changing her mind, but he didn't want to drag her down with him.  
"I'm not sleeping until you do. I'm with you, so consider that a guilt trip, cause I'm fucking tired Rogers" she gave him a little half smile, and he couldn't help but let out a little chuckle, though he kept his tone serious. " _Natasha_ "

"Steve" her voice was just as serious, the niggling worry seeping through slightly. It was a side of her not many people ever got to see, and he hated that he was worrying her.

"Nat" he could feel his resolve crumbling quickly, the damn behind his eyes starting to break.

"Talk to me Steve" she implored, tilting his chin so he was looking at her, gazing straight into his eyes.

"I don't know what to say" he pulled at his hair roughly in exasperation. "I just can't fucking sleep"

She gently placed her hands over his, stilling his movements before releasing them and gently raking her own fingers through his hair in comfort. "Tell me what you're so scared of"

"I'm not scared, I just..." he trailed off, unable to finish his sentence. Because how could he possibly explain to Natasha what was going through his mind when he couldn't even figure it out himself.

"You want my take on this?" she asked gently, seeing him at a loss for words. He nodded silently, looking deep into her eyes and looking more like a lost little boy than Captain America. "I think you're scared Steve. And you know why, but you're even more scared to admit it to yourself, because if you accepted it, or heaven forbid, said the words out loud, it'll come true" she paused for a second to gauge his reaction before carrying on. "And I think you need to let it out Steve, no matter how much it might terrify you, because this isn't healthy. Take it from someone who holds everything in until it's literally bursting out, that's no way to live your life. So talk to me. Please Steve."

"I'm scared," he muttered as though simply saying the words would cause the earth beneath them to collapse. She hummed quietly in response, pressing a kiss to his forehead before continuing to stroke his hair. "I'm scared that if I go to sleep, I won't wake up. But I'm even more terrified that I will. That 70 more years will've passed and I'll have lost you, and I'll have lost everyone, and I'll have to start all over again." He let out a shaky breath, tears welling up in his eyes. She pressed her forehead to his, their noses brushing before taking his hand gently and pressing it to her heart. "You feel that? I'm alive and I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. And I'm not going to let you go anywhere either. I promise that you will wake up tomorrow morning, and the day after that, and the day after that. And I promise that I'm going to be right there beside you, because I am yours and you are mine"

"Promise?" his eyes were blown wide, unshed tears glistening in the low light.

"With all my heart" she pressed a soft kiss to the corner of his lips, and his eyes slipped shut in relief.

"I think that's the corniest thing you've ever said" he let out a small chuckle, a small smile gracing his lips. Her hand wrapped around the back of his neck, her fingers tangling in his hair as she gave him a soft smile back

"I'm delirious Steve. Nothing I say can be used against me, I'm not in my right mental state" she joked, although bit her lip when she saw his face. It was awash with guilt, his forehead wrinkled up. "Hey, it's okay Steve. It's not your fault. It was my decision to stay awake with you so don't blame yourself"

"I'm sorry" he still apologised to her, the guilt still etched into his features, wrinkling up his forehead. She smoothed a finger along a wrinkle, causing him to sigh. "Don't be. You're not alone Steve, remember that"

"I know" he pulled her tightly into his arms, pressing a kiss to her hairline. "God, I love you so much"

"I know you do. I love you too" she returned the sentiment easily, but struggled to keep her face straight as she stifled a yawn.

"D'you still wanna go outside? Because I'm really warm and comfy" he pulled her under the covers, wrapping his whole body around hers and resting his face in the crook of her neck.

"Yeah, I'm good right here"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I’ll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.


	23. Are You Jealous?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is sent out on a mission to seduce a woman. Natasha finds herself getting jealous of the situation and almost compromises the whole mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update, Yay! This chapter came from the prompt I received from the wonderful supesfan18. You gave me it so long ago and I only just got around to writing it, but I hope it’s close to what you had in mind. If anyone else has any prompts,, don’t be shy, I love getting new ideas.

"With all due respect sir, I don't feel comfortable doing this kind of mission" Steve protested, looking through the files he'd been given. Fury had called him to his office which is where he was currently sat, frowning as he read the information of his latest mission.

"Well, with all due respect, you don't have a choice. Senator George Williams has links to remnants of hydra, and we need to find out what he's up to" Fury wasn't giving him an option. "I just don't understand how seducing his daughter will get us that information, and why I have to be the one to do it"

He could practically hear Fury's sigh before answering "Williams and his daughter are extremely close, and we imagine she's aware or even involved in hydra, and if she's not, she will know some details of what her father is doing"

"But why do I have to do it?" Steve briefly recognised that he sounded whiny, but not only did he hate this kind of mission, he recognised he was not the best person for the job. His acting was subpar at best, despite all the hours Natasha had put in to make him better at undercover work.

"Because Captain, this won't be undercover. The Avengers will be attending this event as guests. The senator doesn't trust people easily, but how could he not trust the esteemed Captain America. Romanoff and Coulson will be your backup if you need it"

"I really don't think I'm the best person to do this. Surely Clint or Tony would be better suited. Or just another agent" Protesting was pointless, and Steve knew that, but it felt wrong to just accept this. Because he would mess it up.

"Hasn't agent Romanoff been teaching you seduction techniques?" Fury asked, raising an eyebrow at him. Steve blushed profusely, averting his eyes away from Fury. They'd told Fury months ago about the change in their relationship, not that they needed to, Steve was sure the man already knew.

"Captain, you are genetically modified to be at the peak of humanity. Literally any and every girl swoons over you every time you walk by. Barton could do this, but this woman needs to falling at your feet. I'd send Romanoff, but this woman is as straight as they come. You're the only person who can do this, and believe it or not, I trust you not to fuck this up"

"Why do you…Why'd you always send Natasha to do this stuff? I get that she's amazing at it, but you have other agents. You know she doesn't like it." He gathered the courage to ask the question he'd been wondering for years, even more so since they started dating. Something flashed in Fury's eyes briefly, some emotion that he couldn't quite place, but Steve could tell he'd surprised the man.

"I wish I didn't have to. I know she hates it, especially now you two…" For the first time in his life, Fury was unable to finish his sentence, not because he found it awkward, but he genuinely didn't know the relationship between the pair. They loved each other, that much was obvious, even before they started dating, and whilst Fury put on the persona that he didn't care, every little glance the soldier and the spy exchanged warmed his heart just a little.

"Then why do you send her on these missions?" Steve pressed curiously, unable to help himself.

"I don't trust easy Rogers, you know that. And I'll kill you if you ever tell her, but I trust Natasha, completely." Steve was taken aback by Fury's words. Honestly, he wasn't really expecting an answer from him, especially not was as truthful as this "It's awful to admit, but I know she'll go further than anyone expects her to. She'll do exactly what she feels comfortable doing, and then a bit more, because that's what she was raised to do."

"Yeah, let's not go down that rabbit hole" Steve didn't know how much Fury actually knew about Natasha's past, hell, the man might know more than him, but they both knew dwelling too long on Natasha's past was…well, it wasn't a good thing.

"As soon as she actually comes to me and says she doesn't want to do those missions anymore, I'm gonna send her on them. Not because I want to, but because she's my best option" Fury's honesty was enlightening to him, and he realised that it didn't matter whether or not he wanted to do this mission. Fury took no joy in these missions, he didn't want to send people on these missions, but he did, because it was for the greater good.

"Tell me what I need to do"

* * *

The day of the mission had arrived, and if Steve was being honest, he was terrified. Natasha had spent the entire week helping and training him on how to effectively and covertly get information out of people, roping in Clint more often than not to give a mans perspective. Hell, Natasha had even gone as far to bring in Pepper to act as his target, giving him actual experience that she herself couldn't give him because, and he quotes 'you're just too damn sexy for me not to be biased'. But still, he felt wildly unprepared when the day came.

Coulson and a handful of agents had set up in a surveillance van a few blocks away from the venue where he was waiting for everyone else to enter the venue before going in himself.

The sounds of heels filled the air, and Coulson reached for his gun instantly, on guard as to who it might be. Steve just laughed at his actions, he'd recognise those footsteps anywhere.

"Relax Coulson, it's just Nat" he assured the man, but Coulson just raised his eyebrows, somewhere between unbelieving and disbelief. Steve didn't need to look around when she came round the corner, Coulson's lips tugging up into a small smirk told him all he needed to know.

"How'd you know?" he asked, cocking his head to the side slightly. Steve felt a small arm slip around his waist, and he smiled as he looked down at the fiery redhead.

"Steve has an uncanny ability to recognise people's footsteps" she smirked at Coulson, before craning her neck to look up at Steve. "Only yours darling" he quipped back, causing her to chuckle slightly.

"You look very handsome tonight Rogers" she complimented, smiling brightly at him and pressing a small kiss to his jaw.

"And you look even more gorgeous than usual." She looked stunning, her floor length gown dazzling in the low light as the sun set. "I'd hope so. This took three hours, and I don't think I can get out of this without help" she smirked seductively at him, looping her arms around his neck.

Steve raised his eyebrows, waggling them slightly as he let his eyes trail down her body. "Oh?"

"No. You two, stop now" Coulson interrupted them, and they turned to face him, smiling sheepishly.

"What?" Natasha had the gall to ask as Steve just rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

"This mission can't go wrong. That means no shameless flirting over comms, no suggestive looks. Nothing" Coulson ordered, giving them a glare that would Natasha's a run for her money. Steve felt bad, he knew they could be terrible over comms, but Natasha just smiled easily at Coulson.

"Copy that. See you in there Captain" she couldn't resist the temptation to press a soft kiss to Steve's lips, which he returned before he pulled away, pressing another kiss to her hairline before letting her walk away.

"That was cute" Coulson commented once she'd gone, a sly smile on his face.

"Shut up"

* * *

"Can I buy you a drink?" Steve slid into the seat next to his target, trying his best to act casual when he knew Natasha was staring at him from across the room. He thought it was being a bit obvious as to what they were up to, but she was the expert so what did he know?

"Captain America right?" Her accent reminded him of the women he would meet whilst on tour, sickly sweet to the point where it was almost fake. Although in her case, he thought it probably was. He knew she'd grown up in Kentucky with her mother until she was 17, when she'd moved in with her father in New York.

"Please, call me Steve" he sent her his best smile, and it honestly made him feel like a creep. This woman, this girl was 8 years younger than him, she was barely an adult and here he was trying to seduce her into giving up information about her father. He hated this, especially when his own girlfriend was across the room looking like a knock out and knowing he couldn't so much as look at her without giving the game away.

"Bethany" she greeted back, and Steve almost forgot that he'd said anything to her in the first place, too caught up in his own thoughts. "It's a pleasure to meet you Bethany"

* * *

"How d'you think he's doing?" Natasha asked Clint worriedly, biting on her nail. It was a terrible habit, but one she couldn't seem to kick when it came to being concerned about Steve.

"Relax Nat, I'm sure he's fine. He's probably about to take her to bed right now" Clint joked. She glared at him over the rim of her wine glass, but he only chuckled at her.

"Please don't joke about that" she almost begged, glancing back over to Steve whose hand was resting on the girls knee.

"He's fine Nat. You can hear him over the comms right?" he asked, though he knew she could. But he'd never seen her like this before, he'd never seen her jealous, and he didn't quite know what to do.

"Yeah" she said resignedly. She knew she was being ridiculous, she just couldn't help but worry. "Then you know he's fine. He's doing good"

"I know. I know." Sighing deeply, her facade momentarily morphed so Clint could see what she was actually thinking. He nudged her in the side, sending her a smile. "Loosen up Tash. Have some more wine, eat a canapé"

"I think I'm gonna need something stronger than wine"

* * *

"So, how'd you end up here?" Steve asked casually. At least he hoped. But this was good, he was doing good, he wasn't being suspicious, was he?

"I'm here on behalf of my father. He was unable to make it tonight" she brushed off her comment, like it didn't matter, which to most men it wouldn't. But Steve could play this, maybe he could find out something, anything. "I'm sorry. Is he okay?" he let concern seep into his voice. Natasha had taught him to make her think he cared, he just hoped he could.

"Oh, he's just doing some business in Toronto right now. He's fine." Bingo. He had a location, or at least a start on one. He had something at least.

"I'm glad to hear that." A shy smile was sent her way, the same one which Natasha had told him multiple times was irresistible.

"Can I get you a refill?" She smiled back, gesturing over the bartender. "Be my guest, although I will warn you, if you're trying to get me drunk, it won't work." It felt like the right thing to say, he was unsure why, but it seemed to work because she placed her hand on his chest playfully, leaning in closer to him.

"Relax Steve, I wouldn't even dream of trying to get you drunk" She let out a small laugh, her hands smoothing over the plains of his chest.

"Good, because you don't need to." He smirked at her, sliding his hand further up her leg to rest on her upper thigh. "What are you implying Captain?"

"I guess you'll have to wait and see"

"You're jealous" Bruce commented, having spent the last hour watching her not so subtly watching Steve flirt. To an outside observer, no one would know, but to anybody who knew anything about Natasha, it was blindingly obvious. The way her hands tightened around her glass whenever their bodies got close together, the slight grinding of her teeth.

"I'm not jealous." She defended herself, despite the fact she definitely was, and she wasn't even doing a good job to hide it.

"It's okay Nat. I'm not judging, besides, you two aren't nearly as subtle as you think you are." Natasha had no choice to turn to face him, raising her eyebrows. Bruce had his suspicions that the soldier and the spy's relationship had changed, but he hadn't got any proof until tonight.

"We're not…it's not…" She stuttered out, and it was all the confirmation Bruce needed.

"No, it's sweet. How long?" He smiled softly at her, watching a slight blush creep over her cheeks. "About 7 months"

"Congratulations. You deserve to be happy"

"Yeah, I'm starting to think that too" She looked over to Steve, a frown instantly replacing the smile that had only been there moments beforehand. "You think he's okay?"  
"He's fine Natasha. He's doing good." Bruce reassured her, but he could see the doubt in her mind as she bit her lip unconsciously.

"You know what? I'm gonna go check on him." She released her win glass from her tight grip, shoving herself back from the table and standing up.

"Nat, I really wouldn't" Bruce stood up quickly, placing a hand on her arm which she quickly shook off. "It's fine Bruce, I know what I'm doing." Lie. She had no clue what she was doing, she just needed to get Steve away from that girl. Stalking over to where Steve was sitting, she plastered a sickeningly sweet smile on her face before reaching the pair.

"Steve, would you come with me for a second?" she asked, giving him a dazzling smile that was so obviously fake. She placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it slightly.

"I'm really enjoying this young lady's company right now Natasha" he smiled back, though she could see the warning in his eyes. He didn't want to mess this up and he had no idea what angle Natasha was trying to play.

"I'm so sorry to interrupt, but it's an emergency. He'll be back in a moment." With that, she pulled Steve off his stool before he could argue back, tugging him out of the room.

"What the hell's going on Nat?" He hissed as soon as they were outside

"I don't know. God, I've fucked this up now." She threw her hands up in exasperation before turning away from him, pacing around slightly. Steve caught her hand, pulling her into him and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"Hey, look at me. What's wrong?" He asked softly, letting her pull away from him just enough to look into her eyes.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Steve" She buried her face in her hands, her head tilting down to the ground. "You're scaring me Nat" Steve couldn't figure out what was going on. Why was his girlfriend so obviously freaking out? Especially since he thought he was actually getting somewhere with Bethany.

"No, it's not, I just…" She groaned, trying to turn away from him again, but he gripped her arms tightly, keeping her in place.

"Talk to me Tash" He pleaded, removing one of his hands from her arm and tilting her chin up so she was looking at him. "I just…I couldn't bear to see her touch you like that, and with you so openly flirting back, I just couldn't do it. And god, I'm sorry, I've messed everything up"

She looked so immensely guilty, her eyes glistening with tears slightly, but he wasn't about to call her out on it.

"You're jealous?" He almost laughed, but he could see how awful she felt about the whole situation. He just couldn't imagine Natasha,  _his Natasha_ , actually being jealous.

"I'm not-" He sent her a pointed glare, interrupting her protests. "Maybe I'm a little jealous."

"You don't need to be jealous Nat." He told her softly, and she turned away from him again in exasperation. "I know, I just…"

"It's okay Nat. I hate this as much as you do."

"I'm sorry." She apologised, fiddling with the bracelet on her wrist. "I've totally compromised the mission"

"I can salvage this, don't worry." He reassured her. He wasn't quite sure how yet, but he knew he could figure something out. He had to figure something out, not just to save the mission, but to save Natasha. He wasn't sure how she'd cope knowing the she'd messed up a mission out of jealousy.

"Even I couldn't salvage this Steve." She looked on the verge of tears, so he pulled her close and pressed a soft kiss to her lips.

"I've got an idea. It'll be fine"

* * *

"I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting." Steve walked back over to Bethany, sitting down on his previously vacated chair. She immediately stood up, flashing him a smile.

"It's no problem, although I really should be going." She almost sounded remorseful as she made to leave, but Steve caught her hand before she could move.

"Oh no, it's not like that. She's pretty much my best friend, and he just broke up with her boyfriend. I've been trying to convince her to do it for weeks, and she just needed some support." He lied, completely thinking on his feet. He wasn't sure where he was going with this, but he needed a plan yesterday.

"Why would you want her to break up with her boyfriend?" Bethany asked in confusion. That was a great question, Steve thought. Why would he want his friend,  _his girlfriend,_ (not that anyone knew that), to break up with her boyfriend?

"Ahh, she's gonna kill me for telling you this. You have to promise you won't tell anyone." He was stalling, desperately trying to think of something, anything to say. And then it clicked, he knew exactly what to say, and it might even push her in the right direction to tell him everything.

"Promise." She sat back down, gesturing for him to do the same.

"He's…he's not a good guy. He hurt her pretty bad." He knew she'd understand what he was trying to say, he only hoped it would work out in his favour.

"You mean...?" She questioned, her eyebrows raising slightly as she tried to process the meaning behind his words. He looked away from her, playing with his glass on the bar.

"Yeah, she's a strong girl, y'know, but once she found herself in that situation she couldn't get out of it without a push. I guess it really can happen to anybody" He sighed softly, praying his plan would work. It was a risk, he knew, one that might not play off. She was quiet for a moment, seemingly considering something.

"Your friend, she's the Black Widow right?" She asked, lowering her voice slightly, clearly trying to avoid people overhearing. His heart leapt in fear.

"Yeah?" He masked the dread in his voice. Maybe the lie was too much, he'd probably been made and he glanced slyly over his shoulder to check the exits. They were still clear.

"She knows those Shield guys right?" Steve nodded his head, knowing he couldn't speak for risk of giving the game away. "Look, I may have some information they might be interested in"

"What about?" He was mildly hopeful that everything was going to work out. That he'd actually managed to sell the story, and appeal to her soul at the same time.

"My father. He's…he's not exactly the guy everyone sees. I don't know everything, but I'm willing to tell you what I do know." She admitted, and Steve couldn't help but let his heart soar at her words. It probably wasn't the outcome Fury wanted, but he figured an actual confession was better.

"That would be…thank you." He couldn't convey his gratefulness to her.

"I…if I tell you this, a lot of bad people will be after me." The hesitation in her voice was still evident, so Steve took her hand in an attempt of comfort. "Shield can offer you protection, you won't get hurt." He promised.

"Thank you"

"Let's go somewhere more private where we can talk properly"

* * *

Natasha could hardly believe her eyes. Just 10 minutes ago she'd practically ruined the mission, and now Steve was walking out with the target on his arm.

"You don't think he's…" She asked Clint, her eyes wide with shock. Her mind jumped to the obvious conclusion. He was going to sleep with her, why else would he be leaving so early in the night. Natasha didn't blame him, it was her fault he'd even been put in that position in the first place, but she hated it.

"No way. He wouldn't." It brought her a small comfort that Clint was equally as surprised.

"I swear to god if he's about to-" she cut herself off when she noticed Steve leave the woman alone by the doorway and approaching them. "What are you doing Rogers?"

"Mission complete. Well, almost. I'm taking her back to Shield, she said she'll tell us what she knows" He revealed, and she almost laughed. She was so busy thinking the worst that she hadnt even considered that he'd managed to get her to talk.

"How the hell did you do that?"

"It's complicated, let's just say I'm pretty good at this undercover thing." He smirked.

"I'm so sorry Steve." She apologised again, the guilt clear in her eyes. "It's okay Nat, everything turned out fine."

"You sure?" She bit her lip nervously, so Steve took her hand in an attempt of comfort.

"Yeah. Besides, jealousy's a pretty sexy look on you." He whispered huskily into her ear, his voice just low enough to send a shiver through her body.

"You better not start something you can't finish Rogers." She warned, turning her head so their noses were just inches apart.

"I'm not planning on it. I'll see you tonight." He gave her hand a soft squeeze, unwilling to do anything more when they were in full view. He blew her a kiss as he walked away, causing Clint to fake gag beside her.

"You two disgust me"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I’ll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.


	24. Happy Birthday Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha's birthday has always been a day of pain for her. Steve helps her out a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty sad and depressing, and also a day later than I intended, but have some Natasha and Steve feels anyway. Also, I love you if you got where the title to this chapter came from.

"Has anyone seen Nat?" Steve asked when Natasha hadn't shown up for the meeting him and Tony had called. They wanted to talk about one of Fury's many,  _many,_  new protocols regarding the protection of civilians.

"She's taking a personal day" Clint said, not looking up from his phone. He didn't seem to be particularly concerned about Natasha's whereabouts

"Why?" Steve asked confused. He wasn't entirely sure what a personal day entailed, but Natasha sure didn't have them, not unless she pulled him onto the couch with her to watch movies snuggled under a blanket.

"Fury makes her take at least one a year so she picked today" Clint informed them, finally looking up from his phone. Steve couldn't figure out what, but he knew Clint wasn't telling them everything.

"So where is she?" Steve pressed him for answers, and Clint gave a soft sigh of before answering, seemingly considering his options. He looked at Steve's face, seeing the obvious concern etched onto his features. "Her apartment I think"

"I've already checked." He said, almost rolling his eyes, because obviously he'd already checked there. Hell, he lived in her apartment, of course he'd checked there.

"No, I mean the one in Brooklyn." Clint was trying to tell him something, he could tell. But he couldn't figure out what. He was confused. "Why would she be there?"

"I don't know, she's your g…" Clint's eyes went wide just as he realised what he was saying. "Your what?" Tony asked, suspicion in his eyes.

"My partner, she's my partner. At Shield, we work together" he lied nervously, , trying to keep his voice steady. Clint was a dead man once he found Natasha.

"Why is that relevant?"

"I don't know. Ask Clint." He glared at the man in question before he walked out the room. "I'll go check her apartment"

* * *

He knocked on the door to her old apartment. He hadn't even realised she still owned it, but the landlord had confirmed she was still the resident of it. After getting no response, he jimmied the lock, the door swinging open as he walked in, his footsteps deliberately loud. If she was here, she clearly hadn't answered for a reason, and he didn't want to scare her, or end up with a knife to his throat.

He walked into her old bedroom to see her curled up in a ball on the bed. He carefully slid in beside her, wrapping an arm around her waist and kissing her hair. She tensed at the contact, off in her own world before eventually relaxing into him. He lay next to her as silent tears fell down her cheeks, waiting until she was ready to talk.

"Why are you here?" He asked softly, smoothing her hair. "I didn't want to be found." Her voice was barely above a whisper, hoarse and cracked from disuse.

"I can go." He offered, although not moving, her relaxed his grip on her waist slightly, but she pressed herself closer to him in response.

"No, stay, please." She pleaded, falling back into silence as she let herself be comforted by his heavy embrace.

"It's my Birthday." She said eventually, and he almost didn't hear her. "Ahhh." He hoped by pretending to understand her words, she would explain before he had to ask. He didn't understand the significance of her birthday. Sure, her childhood wasn't exactly happy, but he was honestly surprised that her birthday on file was real.

"You don't understand." She could sense his confusion, and turned over in his arms finally so she was facing him.

"Nope, not a clue." He laughed slightly, causing a small smile to grace her face. His fingers reached up to cradle her cheek, using his thumb to swipe under her eyes gently.

"When I was growing up, getting older wasn't something to celebrate. Getting older meant killing more people, and seducing more people, and hurting people, just because I was told to." Steve could hear the pain in her voice, the years of bad memories surfacing and concentrating on this one day.

"I understand, kind of. In the forties, getting a year older meant you were closing to dying, closer to the war, closer to all the things people dread." He was trying his best to understand what she was thinking, because he wanted to make her feel better, but he couldn't escape that their lives were so different, and nothing he could say would change that.

"I'm sorry." She muttered, and he furrowed his eyebrows in response. Why on earth would she be sorry? "What for?"

"Being all depressing." She mumbled, although there was that hint of humor in her eyes that he loved so much. He let out a soft chuckled, kissing her forehead before reassuring her, "Nonsense, everyone gets to be depressing sometimes."

"It's just this day." Natasha didn't like making excuses for things, she owned all her decisions, mistakes or not, but her birthday was the one dark day she allowed herself.

"What's so bad about it though, really? It's just another day" he asked sincerely. She took a breath before replying, seemingly considering her answer.

"My birthday was something they gave me, gave all of us Black Widows. It was a way of controlling us." She admitted, the next words caught on her tongue. Steve sometimes forgot how little control she'd had over her life before she defected to Shield. "How?" He quizzed, running his fingers through her hair as her gaze shifted away from his face and came to rest at a point just over his shoulder.

"Every year, on my birthday, I would have to kill as many people as the age I was turning." She was ashamed of herself, she was ashamed she'd ever let people control her into doing the things she did. She was ashamed of what she did, that she killed just to give herself the luxury of ageing.

"That's…horrible. How old were you when…when you started…" he trailed off, unable to end the sentence. A large part of him didn't want to know, that ignorance is bliss.

"Seven" Steve did the math in his head, that was over a hundred men by the time she turned sixteen, and that excluding any others during those years. The thought made him sick. "Jesus Christ"

"I really don't want to talk about it Steve." Despite her words, Steve thought that she definitely did want to talk about it, but he wouldn't push her until she was ready, so he offered her an easy out. "Okay, do you want me to make you a cake like you did for me?"

"Can you bake?" She asked, and there was a little more light in her eyes than there was before.

"Yes, unlike you." He smirked, recalling the disaster of a cake she'd made for his birthday. "A cake would be nice. But just because I'm hungry."

"Okay, come on." He got up, offering her a hand which she refused to take. "Can't I just stay here? I really don't want to move." She whined, pouting at him and curling back into herself. Steve sighed, perching on the bed next to her, resting his hand on her arm.

"You've wallowed for long enough. You need to take your mind off it. The more you think, the more you spiral."

"Just let me be sad Steve." She burrowed under the sheets, so only a few strands of red hair were visible.

"No can do Natasha. It's my job to cheer you up when you're sad, and that's what I'm going to do." He pulled back the blankets, but she buried her head in the pillow. "It's one day. Let me wallow." Her voice was muffled, and he knew Natasha was only getting out of bed if he forced her to.

"Alright, come on" he scooped her up, pulling most of the sheets along with her as he moved into the kitchen. Gently, he placed her down on the kitchen island, because he knew she'd end up sat there anyway and he'd stopped fighting it. "Now tell me where you keep the flour."

* * *

Natasha hadn't said another word since they went into the kitchen, silently observing him bake. He was concentrating on getting the measurements right when he felt something brush up against his ankles, and he looked down to see a black cat weaving between his legs. He glanced over to the window, seeing it had been left open and the cat had clearly walked in through the fire escape. He bent down to pick up the cat, yelping as it scratched at his wrists and walked towards the window.

"What the hell are you doing?" Natasha leapt up off the counter, taking the cat from his hands before he could put it outside. She stroked the black ball of fur, though it was squirming to get out of her arms.

"You have a cat?" He questioned as she let it go, letting it walk over and sit on the couch. "I don't have a cat."

Steve raised an eyebrow at her in disbelief. "Well, does this cat happen to have a name?" She looked away from him, hiding her face as she grumbled, "Liho."

"Let me just check, you don't have a cat, but you've named said cat. And it lives in an apartment you don't even live in anymore?" He smirked at her, and she looked slightly ashamed.

"I fed her once okay? She was walking around on the fire escape so I fed her, and then she just kept coming back. She's not really my cat, she just inhabits the apartment." She explained, looking over to the cat which was stretched on the sofa.

"D'you think maybe your not cat would appreciate having a home to live in with people who actually feed her?" He suggested softly, grabbing her hand. "I'm not giving her up Steve." She protested, because she would never admit it, but she loved that damn cat. Liho had been in her life for years now, and she was a royal pain in the ass, but she loved her.

"I'm not saying you should give her up Nat. Maybe it's time for us to add a new member to our family." He said, and she smiled up at him. "We're a family?" Her voice was small and slightly disbelieving at his words. She'd never had a family, not really.

"You're my family Tash. Even if that means I have to adopt a cat." He laughed, but pulled her into his body to give her a hug.

"Thank you."

* * *

"No matter how hard I try to forget, I just can't." Despite her earlier cheer, she'd fallen back into her thoughts as Steve baked. Each negative thought swirled around her head before it started getting too much again.

"You don't have to forget Nat. In fact, you shouldn't forget, it's part of what makes you who you are." He looked over his shoulder, giving Natasha a soft smile. She'd ended up sitting on the counter again, wrapped in a blanket. "I know that, but I just wish I could sometimes. I wish I could forget about everything they did to me, everything they made me do." She was soft spoken, as if afraid to say what she was really feeling. Steve decided a small distraction was in order.

"Taste this." He held the spoon with the cake batter to her mouth. "It's good." She hummed, trying her best to smile at him, but it was weak and forced, and made Steve want to cry a little.

"I can keep that part of me locked up for the entire year, but I guess today just brings me right back to when I was a little girl, when I had no control."

"You have control now Nat, and you have people that love you so much." He pulled her over to the edge of the counter, wrapping his arms around her, letting her collapse into his arms. She was shaking slightly, trying to keep everything in when she needed to let it out.

"Everything just builds up over the year and then it all comes flooding out of me on my birthday, literally." She let out a small chuckle, before it turned into a small sob as she buried her face in his chest, letting him hold her as she broke down. His hands smoothed over her hair, pressing kisses to the crown of her head intermittently. He let her cry until she physically couldn't anymore, holding her and keeping her safe in his arms.

"There's something else." Her whisper was hoarse, but she looked up at him with wide eyes filled with fear and sadness. "What is it?" He could tell whatever she wanted to say was big, and that he needed to listen, because she'd probably never say it again.

"I can't…umm… well, I can't…" She stuttered, pulling away from him to fiddle with her fingers, her eyes downcast.

"Nat, whatever it is you can tell me. I will never leave you. I love you." He reassured her, despite the fact he was terrified. She was retreating back into herself again and there was nothing he could do except listen and be there.

"I know I can tell you, it's just I've only ever told Clint this, and that was by accident" she mumbled. He gently tugged her off the island, sitting her down on the couch before he sat opposite her on the coffee table. "You deserve so much, you're so good and brilliant, and I'm…well, I'm not. I should have told you this ages ago, probably before we started going out but I was selfish. I shouldn't have wasted your time these last 8 months." She was so scared to tell him. She should've told him sooner.

"I'm not going to break up with you, and even if I was, then this, us, wouldn't have been a waste of time." He assured her, taking her hands in his and squeezing them softly.

"Remember that nightmare I had a while back when I tried to kill you?" She asked him, trying to avoid the point. He merely nodded in reply, gesturing for her to continue. "When I was in the red room, there was a graduation ceremony. They…umm…" She started to say, trailing off at the end because this was one of the hardest things she'd ever done. She looked death in the face on a daily basis,  _but this_? Telling Steve that she couldn't have kids,  _this_ was harder.

"Nat, you can tell me." He moved to sit next to her, wrapping his arm around her and she rested her head on his shoulder.

"They…Steve, the people from the red room are heartless." She tried to explain. He let her talk, knowing not to interrupt. "I can't have kids Steve." She said bluntly, not knowing any other way to say it because otherwise she'd go round in circles for hours without saying it.

"Nat." He said softly, pulling her onto his lap and wrapping her in a tight embrace. He didn't know how else to react, he didn't know if he should react.

"They sterilised me. It's efficient, it's the only thing that could ever matter more than a mission." Her voice cracked, tears threatening to spill at any point "It never really bothered me, I never thought I'd have this, what we have. I know you've always wanted kids and I'd tell you eventually, but I realised you deserve so much better than me, you deserve the life you've always wanted. And I can't give that to you." She admitted, her eyes tearing up, waiting for the inevitable.

"Nat. I love you. I will always love you. No matter what. Sure, I've always wanted kids but I would never leave you for that. I'm happier than I've ever been with you, and I'm not about to give up on that, on you." He assured her, wiping away the tears on her cheeks before pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"But Steve-" She tried to object before he cut her off. "No Nat. If you want kids there are other ways to have kids, but even if you don't want kids, I don't care anymore. All I want is you, anything else is just the icing on the cake, but I'm happy with the plain cake, that's all I need, all I will ever need, just as long as I have you." He told her, kissing her softly on the lips and tasting the salty residue of her tears.

"I can't let you give up on something you've always wanted because of me."

"I can't lose you Nat. I've lost so much, I'm not losing you as well."

"Thank you." She rubbed her hands over her eyes to get rid of the tears before he moved her hand with his own, gently swiping them over her cheeks.

"Nat, none of this matters at the moment, we can talk about this when we're ready, and we're not right now." He reassured her, pressing another kiss to her hairline, holding her as close to him as he could.

"You're right, why are you always right?" She let out a small laugh, one less forced than all the ones that had come before.

"Cause I'm awesome. Is that what the scar is? The one you never talk about?" He asked softly, his hand trailing down to her stomach, just brushing where he knew the scar was through her shirt.

"Yeah." She sighed softly, going to push his hand away, but he caught her wrist, effectively stilling her movements. He lifted up her shirt before he could think about it, pressing a soft kiss to the scar.

"What was that for?" She asked, cocking her head to the side in question. Why would he want to kiss the thing that would stop him having the life he wanted?

"That scar isn't something you should be embarrassed about. It's part of what makes you the person who you are. The person who I love. I don't care Nat, and you shouldn't either. Don't let the red room win."

"Steve." She breathed, because that man was far too good for her. Always had been and always will be.

"Come on. Let's go home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I’ll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.


	25. A Dream or a Nightmare?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A shared dream between all the Avengers comes true, but can they change the course of events?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really fought with the end of this chapter, I just couldn’t get it to end in the right place, so I hope it’s not too jerky or jarring. But I’ve had a crazy few weeks (of which I wont bore you with all the details), but that’s why this chapter took so long. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

"Was there a party or something I wasn't invited to?" Clint asked, walking into the kitchen where they were all sat. They looked pathetic, Bruce was dozing lightly on the counter, Tony was desperately chugging coffee, Steve was mindlessly watching tv on the couch and Natasha was lying on the island, staring at the ceiling. Tony jumped when he turned around to see Clint, dropping his mug and waking up Bruce.

"I didn't get any sleep" Bruce said like it was obvious, which it really was when you looked at him. He had dark bags under his eyes, in fact, most the group did upon further inspection.

"Me either" Natasha added, folding her arms over her head to block out the light. She looked the worst out of the group, wearing sweatpants and a jumper that looked too big to belong to her.

"Yeah, me either." They all gave each other curious looks, having only just noticed how catatonic the rest of the group were.

"Why didn't you sleep?" Clint asked, furrowing his eyebrows, suspicious. It wasn't uncommon that no one would sleep in the tower, but they didn't talk about it. It was an unspoken rule they had.

"You first" They all exchanged glances, no one wanting to say the thing that kept them up. "Nightmares" Steve was the one who had the courage to say it. He already knew both him and Natasha had a nightmare, but they hadn't talked about it, not properly.

"Same" They all said in unison before trading looks of confusion again. "Ok, what the hell?"

"Seriously, I go home for one night and I miss the joint Avengers nightmare?" Clint moaned in fake exasperation, but they could all tell he was thankful for missing whatever hell they were in.

"It probably wasn't the same dream. Just a coincidence." Steve tried to reason, because it wasn't a dream, it was an awful nightmare.

"Probably, I doubt you guys all had the dream that New York would flood." Tony commented idly, thinking nothing of it until they all turned to look at him in surprise.

"There were whales in the streets." Bruce said, his eyes wide. "And they were aliens." Steve added.

"Thor showed up." There were so many other things they could've said, but they all avoided saying the most important thing. They all looked over to Natasha, and she shrunk back against her stares.

"I died"

* * *

"Look, just because we all had the same dream-" Steve started, trying to be rational, despite his stomach churning. Now he knew everyone had the same nightmare, the chance of it happening was so much bigger, and he couldn't lose Natasha. He wouldn't lose Natasha.

"Nightmare." Tony interrupted.

"Yes, nightmare, doesn't mean it's actually going to happen. Natasha's not going to die" Steve looked over to her. She was sitting crossed legged on the island now, and she looked more shaken than she did in the night. He debated for a moment, whether just to deal with Tony's smartass comments so he could comfort her, but the imperceptible shake of her head told him not to.

"We all saw the same thing. That can't mean nothing." Tony said, before Bruce put across his point of view. "Precognition doesn't exist."  
"Just because you've never experienced it doesn't mean it doesn't exist" Tony and Bruce continued their argument as Natasha tuned out, and for once in her life, she really hoped Tony was right. Her phone buzzed on the table next to her, bringing her out of her stupor. "Wanda?"

"Hey Nat. We think we're in trouble." Natasha could clearly hear her accent, something which was only evident anymore when she was scared or concentrating.

"Did you have the dream too?" Natasha kept her voice steady, despite the fear coursing through her veins. The more people who had it, the higher the chance it came true.

"Dream? What dream?" Wanda was confused, and Natasha felt her heart lift slightly. This was entirely unrelated to the pandemonium going on in the tower. "It's nothing. What's going on?"

"All the pipes in the facility burst, like all of them." Maybe not completely unrelated then.

"Shit."

"What is it?" Steve asked, coming over to sit on the stool next to her, having been listening to her side of the conversation. "All the pipes burst at the compound." She told him, letting him see the fear in her eyes. This was happening, it was coming true.

"Shit."

"Language" Tony managed to slip in the middle of his argument with Bruce almost subconsciously.

"Steve, Nat, what's happening?" Sam's voice came over the speaker, his voice somewhere between panic and confusion.

"Stay at the compound. See if you can find a way to stop the water, whatever you do, don't come into the city." Steve ordered, taking control because god knows, Natasha wasn't in the right state of mind to do that right now.

"Copy that Cap" They hung up, looking at each other in concern. She was shaking slightly, so he took her hands, encapsulating them with his own.

"It doesn't mean anything. It's just a coincidence." She said, but she was becoming less and less convinced as time passed.

"Yeah, besides, the pipes here are fine." He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, bringing them up to his mouth and pressing a kiss to her knuckles whilst no one was watching.

"Mr Parker is calling. Should I put him through?" Jarvis' voice rang through the room, and Tony waved his hand in the ceiling, gesturing for Mr Parker to be put through.

"Is everything okay Pete?" They all looked at Tony, mainly wondering who the hell Pete was.

"Mr Stark, you'll never believe what happened." The voice belonged to an excited teenager, and Steve looked to Natasha, raising an eyebrow in question. Why was a teenager calling Tony Stark?

"Look kid, we're kind of dealing with an emergency here. I really don't have time-" Tony started speaking, before he was cut off. "I think I did something bad Mr Stark."

Tony sighed, pinching his forehead in exasperation, though there was something akin to concern in his eyes. "What did you do?"

"It's so crazy Mr Stark. I had this dream that New York flooded, and then all my pipes just burst in actual real life." At this, Tony's eyebrows shot up, practically reaching his hairline. Another account of pipes burst in New York.

"This isn't you kid. We don't know what's going on, but we all had the same dream." Tony's voice suddenly shifted, the concern clear, his voice almost loving. The rest of the avengers had never seen him like this, not even with Pepper, and it brought on the question of who exactly this kid was.

"Oh good. Wait, who's we? Are you with the other Avengers?" Again, Peter was excited, clearly more so at the prospect of meeting the avengers.

"Yes I'm with the other Avengers and no you can't meet them. Is your aunt home?" Why was Tony asking about this kid's aunt? Surely his parents should be at home or something. "She's at work. Should I come over to the tower?"

"Stay at your apartment kid. Promise me you won't leave."

"But Mr Stark." He protested, clearly trying to say something before Tony cut him off. "No, fix your pipes and don't leave the apartment Peter."

"But I can help." He whined, leaving everyone more confused. How could a teenage boy help? And why did he get the same dream as the rest of them if he was just some kid Tony knew?

"If you leave that apartment, I'll ground you"

"You can't ground me." The kid argued, and Tony raised an eyebrow as if he could see him. "Uhh, yes I can. Don't leave the apartment kid" Tony hung up at that point, massaging his temples.

"Uh Tony, do you have a secret kid you never told us about?" Bruce asked the question they were all thinking, channelling their puzzled looks onto his own.

"It's a long story." Tony let out an almost wistful look, a small smile gracing his features before they immediately snapped back to impassivity.

"Can anyone else hear that?" Steve asked suddenly, whipping his head around, clearly listening to something. They all quietened for a second, trying to hear the same before Clint sighed. "You know not all of us have super hearing Cap."

"Actually, I can hear something." Natasha said, her ears attuning to the soft creaking coming behind the walls. There was a loud clang, followed by more creaking and groaning.

"What is that?" They didn't have to wait long for their answer, the kitchen sink exploding and shooting water across the room. Soon enough, all the other water outlets erupted, sprays of water showering the room until they were completely soaked.

"What the?" Natasha wasn't sure where the voice came from, she was too busy trying to breathe, because this couldn't be happening. It wasn't happening.

"The dream's coming true."

"It's just a coincidence." Natasha insisted, but she'd lost faith. She wasn't an idiot, she knew what this all meant, and it terrified her. She wasn't ready to die. For the first time in her life, she wasn't ready to die, she had something to lose. She looked over to her something, he was pressing his knuckle to his lips in thought, a habit she knew he'd picked up from her. He looked scared, and it was a look so foreign on his face that she didn't know what to do.

"We have three separate account of pipes bursting in New York. I bet you anything it's happening all over the city." Tony said, and Steve let out a long sigh before saying anything. He was considering their options, but they all knew there was only one solution. "Alright, suit up."

* * *

"You're sticking by me." Steve said, shoving his shield onto his back as she fiddled with her widow bites. Her hair was still dripping wet, leaving trails of water on the floor behind her, despite the fact Tony had managed to cut off all the water in the tower.

"Agreed." She didn't even want to argue, she wanted his protection. She wanted him by her side, protecting her from the alien whales. It was completely unlike her, she could hold her own in a fight better than anyone, and usually she would kill Steve for even suggesting she needed his help.

"Alright, what's wrong, y'know, apart from the whole impending death thing?" He took her hand, pulling her to him and caressing her cheek gently with his free hand.

"I don't want to die." She admitted softly. He could see the fear behind her eyes, and it was an emotion she was so unused to seeing in her, that it made him scared as well. But he had to be strong, because otherwise he'd collapse into his own thoughts.

"No one wants to die Tash." He whispered, pressing a kiss to her forehead before wrapping her as tightly as he could in his arms, afraid to let go.

"I always thought when my time came, I'd be ready. But I finally found a reason to care about not dying, and now I'm going to and there's nothing I can do about it." She pressed a kiss just below his collarbone before resting her head in the center of his chest, listening to the beating of his heart.

"Listen to me Natasha. You are not dying today. I promise you."

"Don't make promises you can't keep." Her eyes were glossy with tears as she looked up at him, so he swiped his thumb over her cheeks in an attempt of comfort. Her words broke his heart slightly, because she was ready to die, she was planning on it. And Steve didn't think…no, he knew he couldn't live in a world without Natasha. "I'm not intending on breaking it. And stop being morbid. I can't have a partner who's complaining all the time."

"Fine." She grumbled resignedly, but a smile slipped onto her face momentarily. She stepped away, making to get her guns when he tugged her back into him, gripping her tightly. His hug was also crushing, the desperation radiating off him.

"I love you." His confession was nothing new, but the way he said it, such a melancholy, hopeless whisper broke her heart, and Natasha couldn't help a tear slipping out her eye. She wasn't ready to leave him.

"I love you too. So much. I can't imagine who I'd be without you." She pressed a soft kiss to his shoulder before he tilted her head, capturing her lips with his own. He swiped the pad of his thumb over her cheek, leaving it there and cradling her cheek. "Me either, which is why you're not dying today."

* * *

"What's the plan Cap?" Tony asked, flying down to hover over the water level that was already ankle deep. His suit could withstand water, but he wasn't planning on taking any risks.

"If I remember correctly, we have to find where this all started. Tony, start working with Jarvis to find out where the epicentre is. Until we can figure out how to stop this, our only option is to kill these creatures. Stay on high ground, get civilians up. Our priority here is Natasha. At no point should she ever be alone, there's no point winning this battle if we lose one of our own." Steve had quickly morphed into Captain America mode, putting aside his own fear and letting instinct take over. Natasha wasn't going to die toady, but they all would if he was consumed by his fear and let himself get distracted. He still wasn't going to leave Natasha alone though.

"Copy that. Anyone want a ride?" Clint put up his hand, letting Tony grab him by his jacket and flying up.

"Come on. They're over there." He grabbed her hand in a fleeting touch, pulling her towards where the epicentre seemed to be. Part of him wanted to send Natasha away from here, but he knew he couldn't, and that he'd have to be there to protect her. Because she was strong, but she was only human. They heard thunder crackle overhead, signalling Thor's arrival.

"Sounds like backup." She smirked, stepping back as a beam of light lit up the ground in front of them as Thor appeared in its wake. "Captain, Lady Widow. What's happened?"

"Alien whales, weird dreams." Natasha summarised, causing Steve to roll his eyes at her. There was a reason Natasha didn't fill out mission reports. "Ahhh, they're called Iocanthes." Thor informed them, like it would help in anyway. It did bring them some comfort that Thor at least knew who they were, and with that hopefully the knowledge he knew how to stop them.

"Yeah, I'm gonna stick with alien whales big guy." Tony said, coming over briefly to pat Thor on the back, handing him comms before flying off again.

"How do we stop them?" Steve asked, flinging his shield at one coming right at them. "They are weak, they will outnumber us. They will be coming from somewhere."

"Tony, find it." He ordered, looking up at the sky as if that would help. "Copy that captain."

"Hey guys. I heard there was a battle in the middle of New York. Thought you might need my help. Although you're the Avengers so you seem to be handling it fine." If there was one thing Steve hadn't expected to turn up, it was definitely Spiderman. He swung in between the buildings, webbing up some of the whales Steve was fighting.

"What are you doing here kid? I told you to stay at home." Tony yelled through the comms, his voice obviously angry, although Steve didn't even know when Tony met Spiderman, let alone being angry with him.

"I couldn't stand by and watch innocent people get killed." He argued back, his voice crystal clear in Steve's ear, making him question just how this kid got onto their encrypted line.

"We will talk about this later. Go home" Tony ordered. "Please Mr Stark." Steve could practically hear the boys pout, his voice a low whine.

"God help me. You can stay. But if you get hurt your Aunt is going to kill me." Tony emitted a deep sigh, causing the kid to let out a little squeal before coughing to cover it up. "I won't let you down Mr Stark." Peter grinned under his mask, swinging away from Tony and webbing up the whales trying to go further out into the city.

* * *

Peter saw it in slow motion as he swung across the roof, watching one of the whales Natasha was fighting graze her stomach, biting down and piercing her skin as she fell down. He webbed up all the aliens around them before dropping down onto the roof.

"Oh my god. Are you okay Mrs Widow?" He ran over to her, she was laying on the floor and she didn't look particularly healthy. Her skin was already paling, and the amount of blood that was streaming out her stomach was worrying to say the least.

"Please don't call me that. And what does it look like? I just got bitten by an alien whale." She snapped at him harshly, but Peter took no notice. He'd been around Mr Stark for long enough to know people said things they didn't mean when they were in pain. And she was clearly in a lot of it.

"Are you gonna die?" She seemed to pause at his comment, considering her answer. Peter didn't know if he wanted to know it. "Maybe"

"Oh god. Okay, I can fix this. You're gonna be okay Miss ummmm…" He trailed off, because he wasn't sure what to call her. She seemed to take pity on him, sending him a brief smile before it quickly turned into a hiss of pain.

"Natasha's fine Peter" She grimaced, pressing down on the bites over her stomach. She didn't know for sure that this Spiderman was the Peter they'd talked to earlier, but all the signs pointed to them being the same person. Peter carefully moved her hands, looking at the damage. The bites themselves weren't bad, but it seemed there was some sort of poison present, causing her blood to turn a greyish red.

"Okay. You're gonna be fine Natasha. I've got everything under control." He definitely did not have everything under control. He had no idea how to help whilst also keeping her calm. He just webbed up the bad guys and made snarky comments.

"Uhh guys?" He said over the comms, because she was starting to get paler, all colour leaving her cheeks and he had no idea how to help her other than to stop the bleeding.

"Yes Parker?" Tony snapped slightly, and it was only now that Peter realised how stressed the Avengers were, because clearly Mr Stark had no concern over keeping his identity a secret anymore. "Natasha took a hit."

"Fuck." Peter wasn't entirely sure who said it, but silence fell over the comms quickly, like they all knew something he didn't.

"Where are you?" Captain America's voice came through his suit, his tone terse and harsh. "Rooftop on 72nd."

"I'm on my way." Peter's enhanced hearing immediately picked up the trashing of Steve wading through the water, trying to get to their location.

"What's her condition?" Mr Stark asked, concern lacing his tone. Peter knew anyone getting hurt on a mission was bad, but everyone seemed very concerned. He glanced back at Natasha, gulping nervously. He was sure 'like death' wasn't the right thing to say.

"I'm still alive" Natasha butted in at this point, causing a soft chuckle to come over the comms.

"She doesn't look good, she got bitten by one of the whales." Peter filled in, deciding to omit just how awful she looked. "God, please don't die." He pulled his mask off his head, figuring seeing a face would probably help. He had no clue what he was doing. He really hoped an actual adult would get there soon.

"Not planning on it kid." She managed a weak chuckle, but he was getting more and more concerned, and her grip on consciousness was fading quickly.

"Good, cause then that'd be on me and I really can't have your death on my conscience. I'm only young." He joked, and she raised a quizzical eyebrow but not before her lips quirked into a small smile. "Exactly how old are you?"

"Uhhh…" Luckily he was cut off before he could answer. He didn't think that Tony would appreciate him telling them that he let a 16 year old fight with the Avengers

"I could really do with a lift here." Steve called, and Peter darted away from Natasha's side to see Steve at the bottom of the building. The pressure from the water had stopped all the doors opening, so unless he could fly, there was no way Steve could get up to the roof.

"I'm on it." Peter said, running back to Natasha as he pulled his mask back on. "Please don't die whilst I'm gone. That would really suck"

"I'll try my hardest" With her assertion he left her to swing down the building. The bright blue suit wading through the water was impossible to miss. He shot out a web, encircling the Captain's wrist before flying back up, bringing Captain America with him. They landed on the roof, Peter grinning under his mask as Steve tried to regain some composure. "What the hell?"

"I just gave a ride to Captain America. I'm awesome." He didn't get any response off Steve, who had run over to Natasha and was kneeling by her side. "Hey, you're alive"

"Damn right I am. This hurts like a fucking bitch." She gave him a little smile, sighing as he ran his hands through her hair. "Good. If it hurts it means you can't die."

"I don't think that's true Steve." He simply kissed her forehead in response, tucking her hair out of her face. He grabbed her shaking hands, replacing them with his own, trying to stench the bleeding as much as he could.

"So I should get back to the fight" Peter jerked his hand backwards, scuffing his feet on the floor, feeling uncomfortable in the intimate moment.

"You are not leaving this rooftop kid." Natasha grabbed his leg, pulling him to the floor with her, landing heavily next to her. How she still possessed so much strength he had no idea, but Peter figured he didn't want to cross her. "Uhh, okay."

"Look kid. You're the only unknown variable in this fight. You leave, I die. So you're not leaving." Peter visibly gulped at her words, his hands fidgeting as he figured out what to do. "Do you want me to do something or…?"

"Sure kid, someone's gonna have to put some pressure on these cuts."

"I'm here Nat. It's okay." Steve kissed her forehead softly, and Peter was internally screaming because Captain America and the Black Widow were dating.

"You need to leave Steve." She brought her shaking hands up to cradle his face, her eyes begging with him. "No." He couldn't help but pour his everything into those two letters. He couldn't express how much he needed to be here, with her.

"Steve, you were here, in the dream. You held me as I died. You have to leave."

"I'm not leaving you Natasha." A tear slipped out of his eye, landing on her cheek. "If you leave Steve, I can't die." Her logic was flawed, but she hoped Steve wouldn't call her out on it. She needed the hope. "That's not how it works Tash and you know it. I'm not letting you die alone."

"I won't be alone. I'll have Peter." She insisted, gesturing for Peter to take over for Steve's hands, letting him bring his hands up to her hair, threading his bloody fingers through it. Neither of them seemed to notice or mind.

"Natasha." He pleaded, his voice a breathy whisper as he tried to compose himself. "Please Steve. Besides, the team needs you. If you lose this fight, I will kill you from beyond the grave." She let out a small laugh before the pain got to much, her chuckles becoming coughs.

"I can't leave you Nat." Tears were freely flowing down his face, the prospect of actually losing Natasha, his Natasha was breaking his heart.

"Trust me?" Her question was redundant, they both trusted each other more than anyone else, but she needed to hear it. "Always and forever."

"I'm gonna be fine Steve, but you need to go." Peter had never seen two people look so…so emotionally broken. Two of the strongest Avengers, crying and cradling each other because the thought of losing each other was too much to bear.

"You are not leaving this world without knowing you're loved Nat. Because I love you so goddamn much." He kissed her lips softly, his hands continuously running through her hair. "I know Steve. But I'm not leaving if I can help it." It wasn't a promise, far from it, but it was something they both needed to hear. She was here and she wanted to stay. "I love you too Steve. Now please, go." Another kiss was pressed to her lips, and her temple and cheeks and every single bit of her face before he finally left.

* * *

Peter was terrified. In an ideal world, he would've gotten Natasha off this roof and to the nearest hospital, but that clearly wasn't an option. But he had to do something. He couldn't sit here and watch her die, he couldn't do that again, he wouldn't do that again. An idea crossed his mind, he had no idea if it was even going to work, but he had to try.

"Go for it kid. I'm gonna die anyway." Huh, he hadn't realised he was talking out loud. How long had he been doing that? "Please don't say that. It's really freaking me out." Peter begged, fiddling with the controls on his web shooters.

"Doesn't make it any less true Peter. And I refuse to believe anything you do could make this much worse." How she was still holding a coherent conversation was beyond him, and a large part of him didn't want to know how she was doing it. He'd read a little bit of the information that had leaked about her a few years ago, but he found it all very unsettling and refused to read any more.

"Okay, I promise this wont hurt, well, at least I hope it won't."

"Can't hurt more than it already does kid." Peter couldn't blame her for being so morbid, but it was incredibly disconcerting, so he tuned her out, changing his web fluid to his new protype. His incredibly new prototype that he'd only done a few tests on and definitely shouldn't be testing on a human being. But he figured this was an emergency.

"This is gonna be cold. I think." He warned her before shooting his web at her stomach, the web spreading out over the gash and effectively sealing it. The bleeding slowed considerably, but it was the venom he was more concerned about. He'd laced the fluid with antibiotics and painkillers, but he hadn't figured out the formula properly. He could only guess how everything was going to react.

"You stopped the bleeding kid." She commented, her eyes fluttering shut as she grew tired. "No no no, stay with me Natasha. You can't go to sleep." He tapped her cheek gently, watching as her eyes open and shut lethargically.

"But I'm so tired."

"Stay awake for me Natasha." He begged, he little taps becoming closer to slaps as he tried in vain to keep her awake.

"Thank you маленький паук" She whispered before she finally fell into blackness.

* * *

"Good news kid, she's not dead. In fact, I'm fairly sure you saved her life." Tony approached him in the lab. He'd been tinkering with his new webs, todays experience had shown him he needed to be more prepared, and this was distracting him from thinking about Natasha. "Great. That's good right?" Peter asked in question, but he couldn't help but think about what could've happened on that roof. He couldn't watch someone die again.

"Of course it's good. But you also doped her up, a lot." Tony chuckled to himself slightly and Peter winced. Clearly he needed to alter the formula. "How bad is it?"

"She's currently trying to make out with Steve. She's pretty high." Peter hadn't realised that Steve and Natasha weren't exactly public knowledge, and he couldn't help but grin. "Yeah, that's pretty weird."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I’ll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.


	26. Driving Home for Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve gets sent on a mission and won't be back for Christmas. Our resident spy isn't too happy about that.

"Time to exchange Secret Santa gifts!" Tony yelled, skipping into the living area where everyone was relaxing. "Why are we exchanging them now? It's Christmas Eve." Sam asked, handing Natasha and Steve a beer before flopping into an armchair.

"Because some people wanted to open presents now and some wanted to open presents tomorrow. So we'll do main presents tomorrow and these now." Tony explained. They'd decided a few months ago that there were just too many of them for everyone to get everyone else a present. So they'd decided on Secret Santa and they'd decide between themselves who was getting personal presents.

"Who would want to do it today?"

"The orphanage didn't believe in Christmas, so we would always celebrate whatever we could on Christmas Eve." Clint explained, and Skye nodded along.

"Right let's get started" Natasha said, getting up to hand out the presents, grinning at Steve as he helped her. Eventually, they had handed everything out, sitting back down. Natasha tucked her feet under Steve's thighs, warming up her cold toes as everyone started opening their presents.

"Who got Nat? She hasn't got anything" Tony asked, noticing her lack of present. She was surprised he noticed, but then again, she had been watching him carefully for his reaction of her gift. "That was me, I gave it to her earlier in private." Coulson said, sending her a smile.

"That's spoiling the fun Coulson."

"Alright Stark" Coulson waved him off. It was true, Coulson had given Natasha her gift the night before…

**_36 Hours Ago_ **

"Fury." Natasha said sharply into her phone. She was pissed at him. Extremely pissed.

"Romanoff?" Fury knew exactly why she was calling, and yet he still answered like he had no idea, only stoking the fire inside her. "Where's Steve?" She snapped.

"He's on a mission." He said, and she knew that. But he was supposed to be back by now. He was supposed to be back by Christmas. "A mission that would only take 5 days. It's been 9."

"There were unexpected complications. You should understand that, terrorists don't take holidays." She understood the situation, but that didn't change how she felt about it. She wanted Steve home, she wanted to be with him on Christmas. And she wanted Fury to know how annoyed she was. "I understand that sir, however it's Christmas in two days."

"Didn't take you for the sentimental type Romanoff." She could practically hear his smirk. Yes, maybe she was more sentimental than usual, but he didn't need to know that.

"You know I'm not. But Steve is. He should be at home with his family, not in Tunisia." She defended herself, and she could practically hear Fury's smirk at the word family. At one point in her life she would have laughed at her behaviour, but Steve was her family, and no one should spend Christmas without their family.

"How do you know he's in-actually don't answer that. I don't want to know. There's nothing I can do. We can't extract him, all flights in and out of Tunisia are grounded. Not even Shield can get in. The storm's too dangerous." Fury almost sounded apologetic, and if she wasn't so angry about the whole situation, she would've appreciated the gesture.

"I understand." And she did. She'd been watching the news carefully, the storm was only growing and the death toll was starting to rise. She knew Steve would be fine, but he was stuck. She knew that before she'd even made the phone call, but she couldn't help but hope that Fury had something had something up his sleeve.

"Sorry Natasha, if there was something I could do, I would. Merry Christmas."

"Merry fucking Christmas Nick." She hung up on him. She let a silent tear roll down her face, partly in anger, but mostly just acceptance of the whole situation. She hadn't realised how much she wanted to spend Christmas with him until it seemed that he wasn't going to make it. Little did she know Skye had been eavesdropping on her conversation the entire time. She felt bad for Natasha, no one should have to spend the holidays without their loved ones, that's when the idea struck her.

"Coulson! I think I figured out what you should get for Natasha for Secret Santa!" She raced into the meeting room where he was working, panting to regain her breath.

"Ever heard of knocking Skye?" Coulson asked, looking up from the table and raising his eyebrows at her. "Nope, but I know what Natasha wants for Christmas." Skye grinned proudly.

"How did you know I got Nat?" He asked, looking down at his phone to try and finish an email.

"You left your laptop open with the search 'what to get a Russian spy for Christmas'. I'm assuming it wasn't useful." She raised an eyebrow at him, and he couldn't help but chuckle. Besides, he had known it was a pointless search. "You could say that again."

"So you're stuck." Skye stated, and Coulson just sighed, locking his phone and giving her his full attention. "What do you get for the deadliest woman on earth?"

"Her boyfriend" Coulson was shocked at her words, but tried to play it cool. He couldn't believe that Skye knew about Steve ad Natasha, in fact, he wouldn't have put it past Tony to send Skye to find out if they were dating. "Natasha doesn't have a boyfriend."

"Come on Coulson, I know you know about her and Steve. You're not an idiot, and neither is May. And don't think I don't know about you two either, you're not as subtle as you think you are." He did a slight double take, but he wasn't surprised. Him and May weren't trying very hard to keep their relationship a secret, unlike Steve and Natasha, even though he was fairly sure pretty much everyone knew about them at this point.

"You were saying?" He gestured for her to continue, and she sat down on a chair, crossing her legs underneath her.

"I overheard her talking to Fury, apparently Steve's not going to be back for Christmas. She seemed pretty upset." Skye's heart sank just thinking about Natasha's conversation. "And you've met Natasha, she never gets upset about anything, ever. She cried Coulson. Like an actual tear."

"I don't see how I can help." He knew Skye had a point. He'd known Natasha for a very long time, and not once had he ever seen her cry. But if Fury couldn't help, there wasn't anything he could do.

"Fury loves you, you must be able to do something." Coulson wasn't convinced, but he let out a resigned sigh, giving in to whatever Skye had planned. "Find his mission details."

"Already done" She said, passing him a tablet with all the relevant information on. He read through it, frowning. "They can't get an extraction into Tunisia. There's a storm and all flight paths are blocked. All planes in and out of Tunisia are grounded. Shield couldn't even get a plane in if they wanted to.

"So what do we do?" She asked, resting her hand on her hands, peering at him curiously.

"There's not much we can do Skye. We'd need to get his location and find a way into the country, neither of which is going to happen." He'd reviewed the information multiple times, and as much as it hurt him to admit, there was nothing anyone could do but wait the weather out.

"Finding his location is easy, and the god of thunder is literally sitting downstairs." Skye pointed out, and he couldn't help but laugh at her determination.

"You're really want to get him home don't you?"

"No one should be alone on Christmas." Her tone briefly changed, and now he understood why she was so passionate about this. She'd been alone for so much of her life, and she knew Natasha had too, she didn't want that to continue if she could help it.

"We're gonna need a pilot." He conceded, and her face broke out into a grin. "What's this about needing a pilot?" Clint asked, walking into the room. Skye sent a smug smirk in Coulson's direction.

"Alright. Let's do this"

* * *

6 hours later the three of them and Thor were on a quinjet and near Tunisia. "Skye, you got a location yet?" Coulson asked as he looked through all the files they had compounded about his mission.

"Uh yeah. Mission files says he's located in the capital." Skye tossed him a file, letting him read through the information. It was as vague as you could get, even in Shield, where their specialty were vague files.

"And you can't be more specific?" Coulson almost snapped at her, because the capital was a large place, but she was doing her best. They couldn't find out much from social media either because the storm had knocked out all communication lines throughout most of North Africa. "Someone tweeted out 4 days ago that they thought they saw Captain America. Tagged near Belvedere Park."

"Natasha has a safehouse near there. It's probably where he's hiding out." Clint threw his own information into the mix, pointing where Natasha's safe house was on the map.

"Great. Clint, keep the plane in the air as long as you can, avoiding having to land if possible. Skye and I will go get the Captain. Thor, keep the skies clear." Coulson ordered, and Clint mock saluted him, his face split into a grin.

"Copy that Coulson. Coming into land now" He hovered a few feet above the ground, letting Skye and Coulson jump out the plane before he raised the cargo ramp again, leaving Skye and Coulson outside.

"God it's cold." Skye complained, wrapping her arms around her to try and keep warm.

"Come on, this way." Coulson took off, moving through the muddy grass. She jogged to catch up with him, falling into step beside him. "So you know where this safehouse is right?" She asked, looking over to him. "Right?" She asked again after getting no answer.

"Vaguely."

"Great." She moaned, pulling her coat tighter around herself. "Quit complaining. This was your idea."

"Ma'am you need to get inside." They heard Steve's voice over the wind and rain across the park, helping out a young woman get to shelter.

"Rogers!" Skye yelled, drawing his attention as he jogged over to them.

"Skye? Coulson? What are you doing here? It's not safe." He had so many questions, he knew nothing was coming in or out of Tunisia, so how were they here? And why were they even here? He'd completed the mission, but Fury had called saying they couldn't get in any extraction. That was 5 days ago and the storm had only gotten worse.

"We came to get you. It's Christmas, we should all be together." Coulson explained, having to shout over the wind. "Plus, a certain Russian spy was pretty upset you weren't going to be back in time."

Steve's heart broke slightly, he missed Natasha and he wanted nothing more than to spend the holiday with her, but hearing that she wanted that just as much made him miss her even more. "How'd you even get in here? It's a pretty bad storm, no planes could possibly get in." Steve finally asked his main question. They started walking back to where the plane was hovering above the ground. "We have the best pilot in the world and a god. We managed"

"Thank you." He said sincerely. They made it back to the jet and immediately he was crushed in a hug from Thor.

"Brother, I have missed you." Thor's booming voice was audible over the wind even as the ramp closed behind them. He chuckled, wriggling his way out of his tight grip and sitting down on one of the benches. "I missed you too Thor."

"Lady Natasha has missed you more I think." Steve let out a small laugh seeing Thor's sincere face. He wasn't sure how much he actually knew about their relationship, but this seemed to be his way of saying he approved of it.

"Quit chatting boys, let's get this bird in the air."

* * *

She was sat on the floor in front of the Christmas tree, staring at the lights flash and twinkle. Her eyes were puffy from crying, but she had long run out of tears. She had some files on the floor around her, desperately trying to keep her mind off Steve, but she'd given up with them a long time ago. She played with the bottle of scotch, taking a swig from it, her glass long forgotten.

"Drinking at 4 in the morning. Either you've had a long night, or you're starting very early." Steve's voice rang out from behind her.

"Long night." She said on auto pilot, not even thinking about the fact it was Steve, and that he was home. "Well don't let me stop you." He laughed. She twisted around, eyes widening as she looked at him, her face morphing into an ear-splitting grin.

"Steve!" She laughed, stumbling off the floor and jumping into his waiting arms, wrapping her legs tightly around him. She clung onto him tightly, afraid to let go as she buried her face in his neck.

"D'you miss me?" He laughed, kissing her gently. She pulled her head away from him slightly, looking into his eyes deeply. "I thought you weren't going to make it home for Christmas." She choked up somewhat, land only then did he realise how much this had affected her.

"Me? Never. I wouldn't dare miss Christmas." He smirked, pressing kisses to every inch of her face, holding her tight in his arms. She let out a small chuckle, burying her face in his neck to hide the tear slipping out of her eye. "How'd you get back. Fury said-"

"Coulson, Clint, Skye and Thor came and got me." He explained, brushing her hair with his nose, prompting her to look at him. "Really?" She looked so young as he brought one hand up to brush away her tears.

"Actually, I forgot about this." He pulled out a Santa hat and loosely placed it on his head, still holding her in his arms before handing her a card.  
"What is this?" She raised an eyebrow at him questioningly, dropping out of his arms to open the card. A smile graced her features as she read it.

"Coulson gave it to me. Merry Christmas Tash."

* * *

"You're seriously not going to tell us what you got?" Tony bugged her, sighing in exasperation when he got nothing in return. "It's none of your business."

"Was it a weird sex thing? I bet it was a weird sex thing."

"It wasn't a weird sex thing." Tony continued asking questions, but she tuned him out, instead looking at her phone, noticing that it was getting close to midnight. "We need to go." She whispered into Steve's ear, showing him the time. It was only 11, but it would take them at least half an hour to get to Brooklyn. Steve wanted to go to a midnight mass like he had as a kid, and whilst she had no interest in religion, she had an interest in Steve, so she agreed to go with him.

"I'll meet you downstairs in 10 minutes." He left the room unnoticed by anyone as they argued about something she wasn't paying attention to.

"Where'd he go?" Clint asked quietly, scooting into the space Steve had left behind. "Midnight mass. Cover for us?" She looked at him with pleading eyes to which he rolled his in return.

"What would you do without me?" He smirked, hitting her on the arm and taking her beer. "Thank you."

She got up, escaping without drawing any attention to herself before meeting Steve downstairs in the lobby. He handed her a coat, pressing a soft kiss onto her lips before they headed to his bike. "There's no way I'm gonna get you to wear a helmet is there?"

"Nope."

* * *

"Thank you for coming with me." He said, slipping his hand into hers as they walked around Brooklyn. He knew she'd felt awkward during the mass, but he was so grateful that she came with him.

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be." She flashed him a smile, adjusting the beanie on her head, covering her bright red hair. "I know that's not true Nat. You're not exactly religious."

"Not in that way, but religion is just believing in something, and having faith that everything is happening for a reason. I have that." She blushed slightly, but being around Steve made her be annoyingly honest.

"Yeah?" He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, letting her slip her arm around her waist. "I have you. You're my reason." She smiled at him before burying her face in his side out of embarrassment.

"I love you." He chuckled, placing a kiss on her head. "я тоже тебя люблю." Her voice was muffled by his side before he titled her head to give her a proper kiss. As he did, he noticed a snowflake land on her nose, and he looked up to the sky to see them starting to fall.

"It's snowing." He commented, sticking out his tongue to catch a snowflake. Natasha couldn't help but laugh at the childlike joy on his face. He stuck his tongue back in, looking down at her. "It's pretty romantic, snowing on Christmas Eve."  
"Technically, it's Christmas Day." She smirked at him, causing him to roll his eyes and kiss her fondly.

"In the movies, this is about the time the guy asks the girl to marry her." She'd forced him to watch enough romantic Christmas films in the past month to know this, and frankly, he hated that he knew this now.

"Are you asking?" Her face was somewhere between taken aback and amused. She couldn't entirely tell if he was being serious or not, and that terrified her. "Only if you want me to." He said genuinely, seeing the look on her face.

"I don't think we're ready for that." She said nervously, trying to gauge his reaction. He breathed out a sigh of relief, and she let out a laugh. "Thank god, me either."

"You ready to go back home?" She asked, pressing a kiss to his cheek before relaxing back into his side.

"Can we just walk around for a while?"

"Anything you want."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I’ll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.


	27. Merry Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas and everyone celebrates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is late, and I apologise seeing as it’s now after Christmas, but I haven’t been at home to upload and I completely forgot to do it before I left. But this chapter is extremely corny and I’m very sorry, but it’s Christmas so I hope you can forgive me. So make room for some tooth rottingly sweet fluff.

"Morning beautiful." Steve's soft voice roused her from sleep, pressing a kiss to her temple. His arms were wrapped loosely around her, and she snuggled further into her side, letting out a low groan.

"Why do you have to be so corny?" She mumbled, barely coherent as she woke up.

"My code name is literally Captain America." She couldn't see, because she refused to open her eyes, but she knew he was grinning as he pressed another kiss to her hair. She made a soft noise of content, burrowing herself under the covers and pressing herself further into his arms.

He went quiet for a while, and she'd almost managed to go back to sleep when he spoke again. "Nat?"

"Yeah?" She sighed, the words barely escaping her mouth. She didn't appreciate being woken up, even if it was by Steve. It was way too early.

"Merry Christmas." He was way too excited. She didn't blame him, but she was too tired to be excited about Christmas. "Merry Christmas." She mumbled back, her eyes still closed, unwilling to open them as she begged for the warm embrace of sleep.

"Natasha."

"Yes?" Her eyes snapped open to find his face grinning at her with excitement. She wanted to be mad at him for waking her up, but how could she when he had his boyish grin lighting up his entire face.

"Do you wanna get up?" He asked, pressing kisses to her neck in a play to get her more awake. "Five more minutes." Her eyes slipped closed again, not pushing him away but she desperately wanted more sleep.

"But Nat…" He whined, sucking on her pulse point and trailing kisses along her shoulder and neck.

"Five minutes Steve." She buried her face in the pillow, sighing when he moved away letting her get her much needed sleep. She loved him, but she loved sleep more.

"I made coffee." He said, offering a cup of the offending liquid.

"Why didn't you open with that?" She chuckled slightly, finally sitting up and taking the cup. She took a sip before pressing a kiss to his lips. He could taste the coffee on her lips, pulling her back to him when she pulled away. He couldn't resist capturing her lips again, biting her lower one slightly as she moaned into his mouth, deepening the kiss. "What time is it?" She asked between kisses causing him to pull back and rest their foreheads together.

"It's almost seven." He grinned at her sheepishly as she pulled away groaning. "Steve, it's too early."

"But it's Christmas." He made a compelling point, and she couldn't help but grin at him, snuggling into his side and resting her head on his shoulder. "You're lucky you're cute."

"Can we open our presents now?" He asked, unable to contain his excitement whilst pressing a kiss to her hair.

"I don't think I have a choice, do I?" She rolled her eyes fondly, shifting away form him to relax back on the pillows and drink her coffee.

"Nope." He laughed getting up off the bed and opening his underwear draw, rifling through it.

"Rogers, I swear if you're trying to find a ring…"

"I'm not giving you a ring Nat, don't worry, I don't have a death wish." He smirked at her, finally finding her gift. It was a small box that looked suspiciously ring sized, but his assurance that it wasn't a ring calmed him down. Still, she couldn't help but tease him about his words.

"So marrying me would be like dying?" She asked, raising an eyebrow teasingly.

"I…you're impossible." He laughed, looking at the grin on her face. "Besides, if I were to get you a ring, I wouldn't be stupid enough to hide it in my sock drawer."

She gave him a wide smile, mainly because she knew he was that stupid, and he knew it too.

"I put your present under the tree. Can you get it for me?" She gave him her best puppy dog eyes, causing him to sigh. "The things I'll do for a beautiful woman." He muttered, grabbing the box from under the tree with his name on.

"Awww, you think I'm beautiful? I'm such a lucky girl." She laughed as he joined her back under the covers, giving her a quick peck on the lips.

"I think you're perfect." He murmured, resting his forehead against hers, their lips touching slightly.

"And I think you're way to happy to be awake this early." Her eyes fluttered shut, a relaxed bliss clouding over her. "Now, open my present first." She said happily, having woken up from her coffee and pulling away from him. He opened the wrapping carefully, trying to keep it in all one piece.

"Oh come on old man. It's like you're asking for all the age jokes." She laughed, trying not to tear the wrapping paper off for him. It wasn't her fault he was going at a snail's pace.

"Patience is a virtue Natasha." He chastised lightly

"And I'm not very patient. You know that." She pulled his face gently, bringing their lips together again. He finally finished unwrapping it when they pulled away from each other, frowning slightly when he saw it.

"You don't like it?" She thought she'd actually found him a present he'd want, but she was clearly wrong. No doubt, he'd gotten her something perfect and she'd messed up her present to him.

"I love it Natasha. I just…how d'you find it?" He asked, looking at her sincerely. She glanced down at the old book in his hands. She'd managed to track down where some of his belongings had gone after the war, most were just in a storage locker and had been returned to him as soon as he came out the ice, but she remembered him talking about his mother's cook book and how he wished he had a copy of it. Needless to say, she'd spent the last three months following any leads she could to find it. "Oh, I talked to the guy where all your other stuff was. Said he took it cause the recipes were so good but he happily gave it back to me." She lied. Steve didn't need to know how much effort she'd gone to. He didn't need to know how much time she'd spent trying to make him happy.

"Thank you." He said genuinely. He wasn't about to call her out on her lie, he knew how much trouble she'd gone through to find it, and he was eternally grateful for it. She blushed slightly as he pressed a soft kiss to her cheek, smiling fondly at him.

He passed her his gift, watching as she tore off the wrapping paper. "This better not be a ring." She threatened lightly once again, enjoying teasing him.

"I promise, it's not. Now open it." She obeyed, slowing opening the lid to the velvet box. She saw a charm bracelet with three charms on, causing her to gasp slightly. "Steve, it's beautiful." She said, admiring it in the box. There was a small dainty spider, a small silver version of Steve's shield and a N. It was breathtakingly beautiful…No, it was more than that, it was perfect.

"Only the best for my girl." She rolled her eyes at him fondly, kissing him gently. "I love it. Thank you."

Her lips were soft as he captured them once again and his hand came up to cradle her face, each caress loving as his thumb swiped over her cheekbone. "I was gonna get an S as well, but I wasn't sure if that was a bit egotistical."

"I would've loved having an S." She pressed another kiss to his lips, smiling into his mouth. "I love you so much."

"I love you more."

* * *

Later that morning they'd peeled themselves out of bed to join the others grouped together on the couches in the common area. Natasha had curled herself into an armchair with Clint resting on the arm, letting her rest her head on his leg. None of them had bothered to get dressed, all of them in some sort of Christmas pyjamas that Tony had brought for them all. The man in question was currently giving out all the presents under the tree, giving Natasha a small box and a bag before moving onto someone else. She already knew they were off Clint and Sam seeing as she hadn't talked to anyone else about exchanging presents.

"Which one's yours?" She asked Clint, lifting her head up and pointing to the objects in her lap. He pointed to the small box, shifting so he slid down into the armchair with her, and though they were squished, it was large enough for the both of them.

"Merry Christmas Tash" Clint smiled at her as she unwrapped it. She slowly opened it to see a small charm. It was two crossed arrows in a dainty silver similar to the ones on the necklace he'd gotten her years ago.

"How did you know?" She asked Clint, looking down at her bracelet, the charm identical in style to those already there.

"I have my methods Tash."

_A few weeks previously_

"Clint I need help" Steve said, pulling him out the kitchen. "What do I get Nat for Christmas?" He panicked. The date was looming and he was stuck for ideas, hence why he was asking Clint. This was a last resort, he wanted to get her something that he'd thought of out of the bottom of his heart, but he'd spent weeks trying to rack his brain for anything she'd ever said to give him a hint.

"Why are you asking me? You're the one dating her." He complained. "I was going to ask you the same thing. I ran out of ideas two years ago, I've been running on fumes."

"You've known her longer." Steve argued.

"You've seen her naked" Clint argued back. Steve let out a small chuckle before quipping back, "So have you."

"Not on purpose." Clint defended, which was true. But having been partners for over ten years, they'd found themselves in many small and cramped rooms where the bathroom door didn't even lock.

"So you don't have any ideas?" Steve asked him, to which Clint only shook his head. "The woman is unbuyable for unless you get her weapons. And she has enough of those."

"And I refuse to buy her weapons. D'you know long it took me to convince her we didn't need a gun kept in the back of the toilet?" Steve laughed at the memory. They'd spent hours upon hours going through the apartment with him asking if it was really necessary to hide a knife in a ketchup bottle.

Clint perked up, seemingly remembering something. "She mentioned something a few years ago, it was probably a passing comment. Hell, she probably didn't even think I was listening, but it might be a start."

"Lead the way."

 

They were stood outside a jewellery shop, looking at a collection of flashy rings and necklaces. Steve didn't think any of it exactly suited Natasha's style, but when Clint pointed at a piece tucked in the corner he knew it was perfect. A small silver charm bracelet that was overshadowed by all the glittering jewels, and looked like it had been forgotten. In fact, the more he thought about it, it probably had been if it was still there after all these years.

"It's perfect Clint." Steve told him, awed at the simplicity that was perfect for Natasha. "Come on, let's go in."

 

"Are there any other charms available?" He asked the lady helping them. There were a lot of charms available in the store, but none of them were right, and he wanted her gift to be perfect.

"It's getting close to Christmas, so it may be more expensive to insure they arrive before then, but we can do custom charms. But you'd have to order them today."

"You got some ideas Cap?" Clint asked, to which he smirked, thinking of a perfect couple of charms.

"Yeah, a few. And I think I figured out what you can get her for Christmas."

* * *

"Steve saw that charm in the shop and he said I should get it for you." Clint's entire confession had been whispered into her ear, but she had noticed Steve and Sam migrate over to them to listen in.

"Thank you. Both of you." She looked over to Steve, smiling at both him and Clint, attaching the charm to her bracelet that was hidden under her jumper.

"There's another chapter to this story." Steve told her, grinning at Sam who had sat on the opposite arm of the chair to Steve. They were all squished up, but none of them really cared.

"Oh?" She raised her eyebrows at them, sending them all a small smirk.

"Open my present." Sam said, picking up his present and forcing it into her hands. She did as she was told, and when she found an identical box to Clint's in the bag a small chuckle escaped her lips.

"You guys really collaborated on my present huh?" She couldn't hide her entertainment, which caused all the boys to smile.

"You really have no idea how difficult you are to buy for." Sam laughed, nudging her arm slightly. "Just get me a new knife or something." Clint raised his eyebrows at Steve, clearly sharing a joke that neither Natasha nor Sam understood. "Open the damn box Nat."

She clicked it open, seeing a pair of wings, presumably based of a falcon. "Thank you. These are all perfect."

They let a comfortable silence reign over them, only interrupted when Skye cut through everyone's conversations.

"Wait, there's one more present" She crawled out from underneath the tree as Sam and Steve got off the arms of the chair and sat on the floor. "Who's it for?" Steve asked, and everyone nodded along.

"Uhh, it doesn't say. Probably why it was left there."

"Perhaps I can clear things up." Tony declared, getting up and taking the box off Skye. He tossed it around in his hands before sitting back down next to Pepper. He seemed nervous, and it immediately became obvious why when he slid off, kneeling on one knee and facing Pepper.

"Pepper Potts, you are the most amazing person I have ever met. You put up with me, which can't be said for most people and I'm so lucky that I have you. I can't imagine living my life without you, mainly because I'd probably destroy the earth without you to stop me, but regardless. Marry me Pep."

Pepper didn't say anything for a tortuous few seconds in which everyone waited with bated breath. They could barely imagine how it felt for Tony.

"Yes." She breathed out, and Tony's face lit up in a massive grin, taking her hand and sliding the ring on before kissing her passionately.

"Did you know about this?" Steve asked Natasha quietly. "No, why?"

"You've made so many proposal jokes recently, maybe because it was on your mind." He shrugged, making an impassive face.

"It's always on my mind Steve." She admitted softly, and he smiled at her. "In a good way?"

"Yeah, I think so."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I’ll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.


	28. New Year's Secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone! Just a short and sweet chapter that I hope you all enjoy.

"5, 4, 3, 2, 1, HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

Natasha pulled Steve close to her, pressing their lips together as they shared a kiss. "Happy New Year Steve." She whispered between kisses, tasting the alcohol on both of their lips and letting his tongue slide into her mouth. Natasha let her eyes slip closed, treasuring the feeling of him being close as her fingers raked through his hair. "Happy New Year Nat." He whispered in return when he pulled back slightly. They both grinned at each other, perfectly content in each other's arms as they let the new year wash over them. She wanted to spend the first moment of her year safe in his arms, the rest of the world temporarily forgotten.

"Woah, what the hell just happened?" Tony yelled, pointing towards them and gaining their attention. Steve furrowed his eyebrows at her, confused, before his eyes widened, remembering that Tony was still unaware of their relationship.

"We're not getting out of this one, are we?" She asked him quietly as she rested her forehead on his, stealing another kiss quickly.

"Even you're not that good a liar Tash." He laughed, pressing another kiss to her lips before turning and straightening to face the group, his arm wrapped around her waist as she leant into his side.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU'RE DATING!" Clint shouted, trying to act shocked, causing Natasha to let out a snort. He wasn't exactly acting subtle about the fact he already knew.

"Oh my god, you knew!" Tony said, actually shocked. Steve was starting to feel bad that they hadn't properly told everyone sooner, but they valued their privacy, and honestly, they were just to busy.

"Of course he knew. He's my best friend." Natasha defended Clint as Tony sat down on the sofa, trying to process his shock. She was surprised, she hadn't expected him to be quite as shocked as he seemed to be.

"Alright everyone, pay up." Coulson said, holding out his hand which May put a five into. Bobbi gave Mack a ten, Hunter and Bruce each gave Skye a five, Simmons gave Fitz a ten, Thor and Jane gave Darcy a five each and Tony gave Pepper 2 twenties.

"You guys bet on us?" Steve asked, to which Natasha only laughed at him. "C'mon Steve, like you didn't already know."

"Wait so how long has this been going on? Cause we all placed our bets last Christmas" Bobbi asked causing Natasha to exchange a glance with Steve. She gestured for him to explain, mainly because she'd done it last time so it was his turn.

"Well, you know about 8 months ago when you came over and we played truth or dare?" Steve asked them, to which he received various responses. Some looks on confusion, some of recognition, but most those of people who barely remember the night at all.

"Wait, when you two kissed on a dare?"

"Yeah, it was that night. And that kiss." Natasha told them, looking up at Steve and smiling at the memory. He smiled back, squeezing her waist gently and pressing a kiss into her hair. He felt so much relief being able to just hold her when everyone else was around.

"Wait, so you've been dating for 8 months?"

"Wait, so you two have been doing it for 8 months?" Bruce and Tony asked at the same time.

"Yes, we've been dating for 8 months" Steve said to Bruce, ignoring Tony's question.

"And no, we haven't been 'doing it' for 8 months." She told Tony, sending him a pointed stare telling him to drop the subject.

"You've been doing it for more than 8 months? I knew when you started going on missions together you changed." Tony exclaimed, either not getting the message or electing to ignore it. And knowing Tony, it was probably the second.

"Yes Tony, we've been dating since SHIELD fell." She said sarcastically, rolling her eyes causing Steve to chuckle into her hair.

"I called it." Sam exclaimed. "You guys were eye fucking the entire time."

"We were not eye fucking." She defended, and Sam only raised his eyebrows at her. "Totally eye fucking."

"We haven't been sleeping together since SHIELD fell. We just waited a while before we actually did the deed. Although none of that is really your business so I don't know why I'm still talking." Steve trailed off, frowning slightly. "Babe? Be quiet." Natasha whispered, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"Well I think it's great. We've been waiting long enough" Pepper effectively ended the sex conversation, pulling the pair in for a hug. Steve accepted it easily whilst Natasha floundered somewhat, still unused to affection unless it was coming from him or Clint.

"You've known the entire time Pepper." She laughed as Pepper pulled back. "Yeah I know but I never really got to congratulate you." Pepper explained, causing Tony to make himself known again by sucking in a breath dramatically. He morphed his face into a look of fake hurt. "Wait, you knew as well?"

"I caught them a long time ago, like before they broke up and they couldn't get out of kissing each other." Pepper explained to Tony, causing Coulson to furrow his eyebrows. "You broke up?"

"I mean, I really thought the cat was out of the bag when that happened. You were all seriously oblivious." Natasha laughed. Her and Steve had a whole conversation after they got back together about how Tony probably knew about them after he visited her apartment. Clearly, they were wrong, or at least he never realised they got back together.

"When did this happen?" Bruce asked. They could see on his face, on all of their faces that they were trying to figure out their entire relationship, and when they could've broken up without any of them knowing.  
"We both moved out of the tower for a month, and then the Hulk threw me into a tree. I mean, Tony, you came to my apartment to see me literally downing Vodka like I had nothing to lose." She shrugged casually, slipping out of Steve's grasp to sit down on the sofa, propping her feet up on the coffee table. Bruce winced at the reminder of the tree throwing incident

"Ohhh, that makes sense now." Tony seemed happy with the explanation, but Coulson looked at them curiously.

"I understand now." He said, and now they were confused. Natasha exchanged a glance with Steve to see if he understood what Coulson was saying, but he just shrugged and sat down next to Nat. "What?"

"Fury called me. Said the pair of you were exhibiting strange behaviour. You both asked for a reassignment and when he refused, you took a months unpaid leave whilst Steve went on back to back missions for a month." Coulson explained, only raising more questions. "Why did he tell you that?"

"Wanted me to find out what was going on. But I had literally no idea where either of you lived. Of course he figured it out when you two made up and told him about your relationship though."

"And you knew?"

"After you told him he wanted me to keep an eye on you. Make sure that nothing like that happened again." Part of Natasha felt betrayed that Fury told Coulson when they'd specifically told him that they weren't telling people. Of course, she found it almost sweet that Fury cared, although she was sure it was more to do with the fact they weren't acting very professional during their break.

"So you knew before May told you?" Steve confirmed, and Coulson nodded his head in confirmation. "Uh huh."

"May knew as well?" Tony asked, and they could tell he was started to get annoyed. Steve would admit that they hadn't meant to keep their relationship a secret for so long, and that it was cruel that they hadn't even told Tony when everyone else started finding out. "Most of you already knew." He admitted sheepishly, waiting for Tony's reaction.

"WAIT WHAT?" Tony yelled again on cue, causing Clint to laugh. "For spies, they're not that great at keeping a secret." He wasn't wrong.

"So how many of you knew?" Tony asked. Out of the 19 people in the room, excluding Steve and Natasha, 11 put up their hands. Natasha frowned slightly, she didn't realise that many people actually knew about them.

"I caught them in the middle of sex." Skye told them.

"Same." Said Pepper. Both Skye and Pepper exchanged a look and smiled, causing Steve to blush and bury his head in Natasha's hair.

"Wait, how did you two find out?" Steve asked Wanda and Vision once he'd recovered. They hadn't told them, yet they put their hands up.

"Wanda told me." Vision said, looking to the girl in question who looked incredibly guilty. She looked away, avoiding Natasha's gaze.

"Wanda?" Natasha asked almost threateningly, raising her eyebrows. Wanda finally looked at her, worrying her lower lip slightly.

"I didn't mean to, I swear. It's just when emotions are heightened I struggle to tune them out." Her words rushed out, trying to explain herself.

"You read our minds?" Steve asked, looking at her sternly. "We've talked about this Wanda."

"Not intentionally. But you never stop thinking about each other, It's exhausting." Wanda justified her actions, and Steve couldn't be mad at her anymore, instead turning his gaze to Natasha to smile softly at her.

"That's almost sweet." Rhodey said. Natasha only grinned in response to Wanda's comment, kissing Steve lightly.  
"Stop it. Just because we all know about you now, doesn't mean you can be all disgusting in front of us." Tony complained, pretending to gag as she laid her head on his shoulder. It was freeing, being able to just relax and be comfortable with Steve when everyone else was around.

"I need some Vodka." Nat said, grabbing the bottle off the table and having a swig.

"Me too." Steve laughed, grabbing the bottle out her hands.

"Me three." Tony joked, reaching out to steal the bottle. She jerked it out of Steve's hand and held it away from Tony, laughing joyfully.

"Ah, come on."

* * *

By 4am, everyone had crashed out on the floor as were all snoring loudly.

"I'm actually really glad everyone knows." Natasha said as he held her in his arms. They were the only ones left awake and had somehow ended up behind the sofa, half on the fluffy rug, half on the hardwood floors. It wasn't comfortable, well, she assumed it wasn't. She wouldn't know as he was taking up residence on Steve's chest.

"Same, although I'm not looking forwards to Tony's constant jibes." He chuckled softly into her hair, her head resting in the crook of his neck. She shifted slightly so she was looking up at him and pressed a kiss to his jawline.

"Me either, but it does mean I can do this." She said, kissing him gently on the lips. Their mouths explored each other's lazily before Steve cut them off with a little sigh.

"I love you Tash, but this is really uncomfortable for me." She winced in apology, rolling off him and tucking herself into his side. He rolled them over so she was on the rug and he was on the harder floor.

"Steve." She warned him, but he just smiled at her warmly. "Let me take care of you Nat."

She let him do as he wanted, instead getting comfortable and resting her head on his arm, using it as a pillow.

"You know what else I can do now?" He asked softly, tracing shapes on her stomach lightly. "What?"

"I can actually hold your hand in public." He smiled at her, and she lightly held his hand, weaving their fingers together.

"Happy New Year Steve."

"Happy New Year Nat."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I’ll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.


	29. Home From Russia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha goes to Russia to try Bucky home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s been so long since the last update, but life has really been kicking my ass lately. But I’m back, and I promise the next chapter will come quicker than this one, although I’m not promising how quick. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

"Where's Romanoff?" Fury asked, sweeping into the common room rather dramatically. Especially seeing as all they were doing was watching a movie.

"You really should be calling her Rogers now." Tony quipped, because he was still slightly annoyed that he hadn't been told about their relationship, and was taking every chance to tease them about it, even if the pair weren't in the room.

"I'll do that if Rogers ever asks." Fury said, his words completely deadpan and casual. "Was that a joke? I can never tell. Your words are funny, but your face is always so angry." Tony questioned, looking up from the tv to try and judge Fury's face.

"What can we do for you director?" Bruce effectively shut Tony up, turning down the volume slightly causing Clint to moan, muttering something about how he was racist to those who couldn't hear.

"I need Romanoff. Where is she?"

"He's making a house call, this must be serious." Clint laughed, although they all knew it was true. Fury didn't just come by for no reason. "She's needed on a mission, the details of which are private and confidential." Fury's tone made it clear that he wasn't going to tell them anything about the mission, and that he simply wanted an answer on Natasha's whereabouts.

"Well, I think her and Cap are having sexy time right now but feel free to interrupt them. I'm sure they'll appreciate it." Tony joked. Fury walked into the elevator, pressing Tony's new button for the soldier and the spy's floor. He briefly let out a small smile at seeing the hourglass instead of the star in Steve's Shield. The doors opened, letting him walk out into the small entrance that led into the kitchen.

"Romanoff!" He called, because even though Tony was joking, he'd decided he really didn't want to risk seeing that. "In here." She called back. He walked into the living room to see a sight, that in all his years he never thought he would see that made him smile ever so slightly. Natasha was lying on top of Steve, curled up in a blanket reading the same book as each other, soft music playing over the speakers.

"What can we do for you Director?" Steve asked, closing the book and putting it on the coffee table as Natasha waved her hand at the ceiling to turn off the music. "I need Romanoff for a mission, very classified, very urgent." He told them, morphing his face back into a neutral expression as they turned their heads to look at him.

"Alright, I'll meet you at the helipad in 10 minutes." She said, causing him to leave the room. She climbed over Steve to get off the sofa, before heading into their room to pack her stuff. She quickly slipped into her widow suit, throwing her phone in her bag before picking it up. She perched on the seat of the couch next to Steve, leaning over and kissing him gently.

"I'll see you soon." She whispered, running her fingers through his hair.

"Promise me you'll be careful. If Fury came here, it's gonna be dangerous." He warned her, holding her hand and bringing them up to cup her cheek. "I know. I promise." She responded, fully intent on keeping her promise. She would try her hardest to stay safe and be careful, but he already knew that.

"I love you Tash." He murmured, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. "I love you too."

She got up from the couch, leaving a last kiss on his forehead before she grabbed her stuff and made her way to the roof. She was there a minute later to see Fury with a much more serious expression than the one she'd seen before. She raised her eyebrows at him, asking the silent question of why they were here.

"We think we found a lead on the Winter Soldier." He told her bluntly, and if she hadn't spent her entire life working on her poker face, she would've looked surprised. That wasn't what she was expecting.

"Then with all due respect sir, shouldn't Steve be on this mission?" She asked, taking the file off him as they walked onto the plane. If anything, it should've been Steve on this mission instead of her. She was usually just his backup, so why he wasn't called was beyond her.

"It's nothing concrete and I don't want to get his hopes up. I haven't seen him this happy in a long time. Besides, despite the subject, this is really more your area of expertise." Fury managed to explain his reasoning without actually explaining anything. Just like always. "Sir, I really don't feel comfortable with keeping a mission like this secret."

"Agent Romanoff, when you and Agent Rogers came to me 6 months ago, you promised you wouldn't let your relationship get in the way of your job." Fury said. It was true, but this was different. This wasn't to do with the fact they were dating, this was Bucky. "I stand by what I said. But this is personal for Steve. You know the Winter Soldier is personal to Steve."

"I'm asking you to do your job right now Romanoff, or I can find someone else who doesn't know him like you do and lose your last chance at getting him back." His look was stern at his threat, although they both knew what she would do. There was no way she was letting Bucky go again.

"Okay. Where am I headed?" If they weren't going to bring Steve in on this, then she needed all the information they had.

"Russia."

"And you can't be anymore specific?" She snarked, rolling her eyes at him. He knew just as well as she did that Russia was a large place, and incredibly easy to hide in.

"Volgograd." Fury wasn't one to mince his words, but his tone made her worry. His simple answers meant something more was going on. Something he didn't want to say. "What aren't you telling me?" She paired her question with a hard stare. He didn't back down, but did reach over to open a new file on the tablet.

"We've tracked him to a few miles radius of your house."

"Fury, I have about ten houses in Volgograd, you'll have to be more specific." He didn't need to be more specific, she knew which house he meant, but she needed to hear it. She needed to hear Fury say the words she knew he was going to say.

"Your parents' house. The one you grew up in." Natasha scoffed at his words, because to say she grew up there is gross misstatement. "You mean the one I didn't grow up in because the KGB burnt it down?" She snapped before she could control herself. Her past, her broken, messy past was something was something that, no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't forget. She took in a deep breath through her nose, desperate to keep calm, because she refused to let Fury see that. "It was never rebuilt, it's just a charred mess."

"A perfect hideout if you want to be found." Fury countered, and she couldn't argue with that. She didn't even know how Bucky would've found it, but if he was hiding out there, he wanted to be found. More specifically, he wanted to be found by her.

"And if I do find him? What d'you want me to do?"

"I trust you to make the appropriate call with whatever situation you find. He doesn't seem to be hostile, but we have no idea what you're walking into." She knew what Fury meant. If he was a danger to himself or others, she'd have to bring him into Shield. If not, she could let him go or bring him back here. It was her call.

"Copy that director."

* * *

"James?" She called through the burnt mess of a house. Her house. She'd been back here before, when she finally found where it was, but she hadn't been able to set foot in it, scared of what she would find. But now she was walking through her home, the one where her parents had died, and she was terrified, because she knew exactly what she'd find.

"Natalia?" A voice called nervously from another room. A voice that definitely didn't belong to the Winter Solider. Bucky maybe, but not the Winter Solider. She could just see the faint glow of light come from underneath a door as she approached it carefully, pulling her knife out of her waistband and holding it loosely in her hand. A sudden burst of memories rushed through her as she pushed open the door and looked around. A pair of soft arms holding her, another pair tossing her into the air, a fluffy bear in her arms. It was her bedroom, she was sure, even though it was barely distinguishable as a room. The only thing in there was a dark shadow against the wall.

"Natalia." It was him, no doubt. And he seemed in control of himself, or at least he wasn't immediately trying to kill her. "Are you…you?" She asked tentatively, relaxing slightly as she saw no threat, but she kept her knife ready. She briefly wished she'd brought her gun with her, but she knew that in close quarters like this, it would be useless, and more dangerous to herself than anything.

"I'm not the Winter Soldier."

"Prove it." She couldn't help but be nervous. They had spent so much time and resources trying to find him that it all seemed to easy. He was just sat there, almost catatonically as they spoke. She knew this could be a trap, he may not even know it, but she could be playing right back into Russia's hands.

"My name is James Buchanan Barnes. My friends call me Bucky. Steve's my best friend."

"You could read that in a museum. Tell me something only Bucky Barnes knows." She snapped, because she needed to know. She wanted to bring him home, or at least make sure he was safe, but she couldn't do that if he didn't know who he was. "We used to know each other. I was your trainer, or partner, friend maybe. I can't remember. I know you have a scar on your hip from when you were seventeen and tried to escape the red room. This is your parents' house, it was burnt down by the people who took you. And I know that you didn't want to kill all those people in 1997."

"I…okay. You're normal." She let out a small sigh, tucking her knife back into her waistband. He wasn't a danger to her, now all she needed to do was convince him to come with her. It wasn't gonna be easy, she hadn't made it easy for Clint all those years ago, it wasn't going to be easy now. If anything, it was going to be harder, because she was running from her past when she came to Shield, Bucky would be running straight back into it.

"Are you going to kill me?" He asked, something akin to fear in his voice. Enough that she was sure that he had no interest in hurting her.

"No. That's not what's happening here." Her reassurance meant very little to him, and they both knew that, but he did stand up, his posture more relaxed that it had been when he was sitting down. "Then what do you want Natalia?" He asked, leaning against the wall. His eyes were narrowed with suspicion, but she could see the apprehension in them, so she copied his stance, leaning on the doorframe. It was something Steve did when he wanted her to feel comfortable, he'd copy her cues and wait for her to feel relaxed enough to talk. Talking to people really was more his area of expertise.

"I want you to come home." She said bluntly, and she knew that if he wasn't trained not to show his emotions, his eyebrows would've shot up. "I don't have a home."

"Home isn't about the place, it's about the people." She almost laughed at her words, because it was so unlike her to say something like that. But the more she thought about it, the more she realised it was true. Her home wasn't New York, it was wherever Steve was. She would follow him across the globe if he asked her to, but she supposed that's why she was here. She was trying to get Bucky back for Steve.

"I don't think it's that simple." He said slightly solemnly. She could understand why he felt that way, it had been a long time since he'd had anything remotely to a family. She knew that she was the last person he'd trusted, or even cared about. She only hoped that was still true.

"You need your family."

"I don't have a family." He was argumentative, and she wasn't entirely sure how to play the situation. If she didn't say the right thing, he might flee, and then she'd have to be the one to tell Steve they lost him again. As she thought about it, she realised that he was her play. She knew how much Bucky meant to Steve, and she'd bet anything that he meant the same to Bucky. "That's not true. You have Steve, he's never given up on you."

Her words were true, if there was one thing Steve had never done, it was give up on her or Bucky. "Why isn't he here then?" His words were harsh and biting, and she understood. She thought he should be here, no matter what Fury said. "We didn't want to get his hopes up. It would crush him to know that we almost found you but didn't."

"And by we you mean Shield." It sounded like it should've been a question, but it was a statement. "Yes."

"I can't be a Shield agent."

"That's not what I'm asking. I'm asking you to let us protect you." She thought of the words Clint had said to her all those years ago. He'd promised her protection, and she hadn't believed him at the time, but now she understood what he'd meant. Yeah, Shield could protect her from her enemies, but he'd meant protect her from her own demons. Give her that protection in the form of a family.

"I don't need protection." She let out a soft chuckle, because she'd said the exact same thing to Clint. She'd been so incredibly wrong. "Everyone needs protection. You just don't know it yet."

"This isn't a good idea Natalia. I can't be trusted." He could be trusted, and she knew that. But he couldn't trust himself, and that was the problem. She knew the feeling too well, it had taken years for her to trust herself, she still didn't entirely, but she was getting there, and she knew he'd get there too eventually. She just had to convince him of that. "I felt the same when they brought me in. But I got something I never thought I would have. I got a family."

"I don't need a family." God he was a stubborn son of a bitch. The James she had known wasn't like this, he'd never been so sure of himself. Even if she wished he'd be just a little less argumentative, she could see the Bucky that Steve knew trying to get to the surface. That was the James she wanted to bring home, not the shell of a man she'd once known. "I used to think that was true as well. But you've had a family. You had a mother, you had a father, you had sisters, you had Steve. Let me, let us give you that again."

"The way you talk about Steve, that fondness in your voice, I've never heard that from you before." His change of subject was admirable, and if she hadn't learnt it from the same people, she wouldn't have even realised it. She still smiled at his words though, because she couldn't help but smile every time she heard Steve's name. God, she was a sap.

"I love him, more than anything. And I know he misses you, so much. He needs you, and you need him. Let us be your family James." She practically begged him, and the resolve in his eyes was slowly crumbling.

"Okay." His words were soft, and his entire body lifted as he said them. In that moment, he was already more comfortable not just in her presence, but in his own skin. "Yeah?" She smiled gently at him, cocking her head to the side slightly. His lips turned upwards briefly, but it was quickly replaced with another much more intense look.

"One condition. If I start showing signs of being controlled, or if I get captured or if something bad happens. You have to kill me." He was dead serious, but she couldn't agree to it. She couldn't kill him, he didn't deserve to die, regardless of whatever mistakes he made. They wouldn't be his fault. "James, you know I can't do that."

"You have to. I don't want to hurt you, or Steve, or anyone else again." She could understand where he was coming from, she wouldn't want to be to blame for hurting anyone she loved. But she just couldn't do that for him. She couldn't be the one to do that to Steve. "Steve will never agree to it."  
"That's why I'm asking you. Talia, please, I need to trust you to do this." Maybe it was the use of her name, her real name that changed her mind. Of her nickname. The only person who'd ever used it was him, and it sent a pang of nostalgia through her. Or maybe it was the word trust. He wanted to trust her, he did trust her, but she needed to promise him that she would do this if the time came. And despite the fact she hated to, she realised she would. Especially if it meant keeping Steve safe. "You can trust me."

He paused for a moment, digesting her words, her promise. Her promise that if things ever got bad, she would do what was needed to be done, regardless of her own or anyone's feelings. It would be one of the hardest things she'd ever had to do, if she had to do it, but they both knew she would. "So, where is home Natalia?" He finally said, and she finally, actually smiled at him.

"New York, Manhattan. And call me Natasha James, I'm not Natalia anymore, I haven't been for a long time."

"I guess if we're changing names, I guess you can call me Bucky." He gave her a half lipped smile, and she knew it was the best she was gonna get at the moment. "Okay Bucky."

"I think it's time for me to go home Natasha."

* * *

She had called Steve on the flight back to New York to meet them on the roof, leaving out the part about Bucky. For once in her life she wanted to surprise him, and not a 'I got shot' surprise, which happened too often for her liking. They landed on the helipad roughly, probably because she was too distracted about what Steve would say.

"You ready Bucky?" She asked softly, getting up from the pilot's seat to stand next to him. He'd been staring at the exit of the ramp, obviously thinking hard. He looked over to her, his face pulling into a smirk. "Let's give the old man a heart attack."

"You're older than him." She pointed out, and he only laughed. "Nah, he's been an old man since birth."

He took a deep breath before signalling for her to open the ramp. As it lowered, Steve face appeared, giving her a soft smile when he saw her, and she reciprocated it, unable to help it. His eyes glanced over to her companion, widening and he took a sharp intake of breath.

"Buck?" His voice was breathy, the word barely escaping his lips. He eyes flicked back over to Natasha in disbelief, and she just smile at him and gave Bucky a small push out the plane.

"Hey Stevie." Bucky seemed awkward, his real fingers messing with the cuff of his jacket.

"Are you…you?" Steve's question was redundant, they all knew Natasha wouldn't have brought him to the tower if he was a danger to himself or anyone else. But he needed to check, just like she had over and over again.

"Yeah, it's me." Steve ran into the plane, hugging Bucky tightly. She thought she saw a tear in his eye as they hugged, but she wasn't going to mention it. "You're back."

"You can thank your girlfriend for that one." Steve let go of Bucky, turning to face her. He pulled her into him, landing a soft kiss on her lips. "Thank you." He couldn't convey how much it meant to him, that she'd gotten him back, that she'd brought him back to her.

"My pleasure." Despite his joy at seeing Bucky again, he noticed that she seemed off, that something was wrong. "You okay?" He whispered into her ear, low enough that if Bucky heard, he knew that it wasn't for him. She pulled out of the hug, walking away to grab her bag off a seat.

"Fine. I need to get Bucky to Shield, I just thought you should see each other first." She diverted the topic away from herself so easily, so much so that he knew something was wrong, but she clearly didn't want to talk about it, especially with Bucky there. She'd turned away from them, not letting them see the slight quiver of her lip. She wouldn't talk about it. She couldn't talk about it. Not here, not now.

"I need to get all that Hydra shit out my head." Bucky explained to Steve, drawing the man's eyes away from Natasha. "I'll see you soon man."

"See ya Buck."

* * *

"Tash?" He asked softly, running his fingers through her hair idly. It was dark in their room, only cracks of moonlight coming through the curtains.

"Hmmmm?" She hummed, snuggling further into him, pressing her back against his chest. She was comfortable with one of his arms resting across her stomach lightly, tracing lazy circles on her hip.

"Do I need to be jealous of Bucky?" He felt her soft movements stop instantly, his question clearly catching her off guard. As soon as she stilled, she let out a breath, relaxing back into him.

"James and I were special to each other once. It was a long time ago, all my memories of that time are pretty fuzzy, and I know his are too." It was the truth, but it wasn't all of it. She couldn't possibly sum up her entire relationship with Bucky in just one sentence.

"So?" He asked the question whilst nuzzling into her hair, his confusion at her lack of answer evident. "You have nothing to worry about Steve. Whatever happened between us is in the past. You're the only person I care about like that. The only person I will ever care about like that again."

"Is that what was bothering you?" He questioned, tucking some of her hair behind her ear so it wasn't dangling in front of her face. "Bucky was hiding out at my house. The one I grew up in before it was burnt to a crisp." She whispered, refusing to turn around so she could look at him. She didn't want to look at him, not right now. She didn't want the pity, or the look on his face that wasn't disappointment or anger or sadness, but somehow all three at the same time.

"Nat…" He pressed a soft kiss to her shoulder, unsure of what to say. She'd never talked about her past before the Red Room, and she was so young when she was taken that he assumed she had no real memories of it.

"It's okay, I'm okay. It just brought back some old memories. I think they were memories. I'm not sure." She was uncertain, because she didn't know if they were even her memories. They were sweet, innocent, exactly how a childhood should look. Nothing made sense, and she couldn't even begin to talk, to explain to herself, let alone Steve what she was thinking.

"I'm here." He said softly, brushing his fingers through her hair. "I know."

"If you ever want to talk about it…" He didn't finish his sentence, because she already knew. She brought her hand down from where it was buried beneath the pillow and placed it on top of his, giving it a soft squeeze. It had always been her way of saying she loved him without saying a word. "I love you too Tash."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I’ll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.


	30. My Head Hurts

"Where the hell is Cap?" Tony asked exasperatedly. They'd been waiting for him for five minutes, which in normal time didn't seem that bad, but when the assemble alarm went off, it was an age. Truth be told, Natasha was worried by his lack of presence. He didn't just go awol with no reason. "I haven't seen him since this morning." She told them, because it was true. He was still asleep when she'd gotten up, which wasn't the strangest thing to happen. It was rare, but it happened, and she knew he'd worked hard the day before.

"Nat, can you go get him?" Clint asked, fiddling with his arrows, not really concentrating on the conversation.

"Sure. You guys go ahead, we'll catch you up." She told them, and the rest of the team took off through the doors and headed downtown. She sighed, jogging to the elevator, hitting the button for their floor. Steve didn't just ignore the Avengers alarm, which meant regardless of what was going on, it wasn't good.

The apartment was dark, and she would've assumed no one was home apart from the niggling sensation in the back of her brain telling her something was wrong. She opened the door to their bedroom, having ascertained that he wasn't anywhere else.

"Steve?" She asked, having to shout slightly over the blaring off the alarm. A pained whine came from the sheets, his form curling further into himself. A pillow was pressed over his head, presumably trying to block out the noise.

"Jarvis, turn the alarm off." She ordered, and the sound clicked off. She could instantly see Steve relax slightly as she sat on the bed next to him. Pulling the pillow off his head, she smoothed her hand over his hair. Her hand brushed over his skin, and she could feel a slight warmth radiating off him. Not enough to be overly concerned, but still slightly worrying.

"What's wrong?" She asked gently, frowning as he simultaneously tried to burrow into her touch and push himself away.

"M'graine." He slurred, lolling his head to the side to look at her, though she could tell the amount of pain it brought him. Natasha could see tears rolling down his face, and she wondered how long he was planning on struggling by himself.

"Hey, I'm here okay." She whispered, trying to be as quiet as possible now she knew what was wrong. She got up to get him a glass of water, knowing he'd hate her for it, but he needed to drink. "Honey, sit up for me." She said softly, sliding her hand behind his back to help him.

"N'tasha." He groaned, his body a dead weight as she tried to get him slightly upright. She gently forced his body into a half sitting position, rubbing her hand on his back.

"I know, I know. You need to drink something, it'll make you feel better." She told him, letting him settle before handing him the glass. He took a small sip before handing it back to her. "Honey, I know it hurts. I'm really sorry, but the more you drink, the better you'll get."

She tipped the glass to his lips, letting him sip slowly until he'd drank half the glass. As soon as she pulled away he flopped back down, burying his face in his pillow and letting a fresh tear escape his eye.

"I'll be back in a minute honey." She pressed a small kiss to his shoulder before going into the bathroom and looking in the medicine cabinet. She was hoping they had something in there that Steve could actually take without burning through it instantly, but they had nothing. She sighed, wetting a washcloth and wringing it out and returning to the bedroom. Steve had rolled over into the middle of the bed, hugging her pillow to his chest. She smiled, she knew that when she wasn't around he'd sleep on her side of the bed, he said he found it comforting, she imagined that's what was happening now. She sat crossed legged on the bed, stroking her hand along his arm softly to make sure he knew she was back. She dabbed the washcloth on his forehead, causing a small whine to escape him, but one she recognised as relief. She glanced at her phone to look at the time, seeing a message from Tony asking where the hell they were.

"Steve, I'm sorry. I have to go." She apologised, laying the cloth on his forehead and running her hand through his hair softly. "I love you so much and I'll be back as soon as I can."

Steve just made a small hum in acknowledgement, digging the heels of his palms into eyes to block out the light. She pressed a soft kiss to his wrist before grabbing her gun off the dresser and shutting the door quietly. "Jarvis? Tell me if anything changes with Steve."

"I am patched into your comms Agent Romanoff and will update you if Captain Rogers condition worsens." Jarvis said as she headed down to the garage, whilst simultaneously tracking the fight.

"Thank you."

* * *

"Widow? You and Cap gonna get here anytime soon?" Tony asked as soon as she patched in her comm, dodging and weaving her way through the traffic. "Yeah, we're getting out asses kicked out here." Clint added.

"Speak for yourself Barton." Tony snarked, and she could help but let out a loud laugh. "Sorry boys. Just me today. Our dear old Captain is feeling under the weather."

"Joy. I'm gonna call in spidey."

"I'm surprised he's not already there." Clint mused, and she was wondering the same thing. They were in the middle of Queens, Spiderman's stomping ground, and he wasn't here yet. "He had a date." Tony muttered, clearly reluctant to tell them. Presumably, Peter had sworn him to secrecy.

"A date?" Even though they couldn't see her, she raised her eyebrows. She knew he was interested in someone, but she hadn't realised he'd worked up the courage to ask her out. That didn't seem like the Peter Parker she knew.

"Don't tell him I told you." Tony said quickly, and she could tell he wished he could take it back. They all knew Peter would be pissed at him for telling them, but he'd forgive him. Hopefully.

"We would never." Clint said, and she could practically see him rolling his eyes.

"Back me up on this Nat." Tony begged. She saw him soar through the sky above her, and she whipped her head around as he fired a shot behind her. She hadn't even noticed that she'd gotten to the centre of the battle, but she pulled out her guns, firing them with accuracy and clearing the path in front of her. She smirked over the comms, bracing herself as she rolled off her bike. "Don't tease him about it Clint. I'll do it for you."

"Tasha!"

* * *

"Hey." Natasha's soft lilt echoed around in his brain, not enough to hurt, but enough that it was uncomfortable. But any noise was uncomfortable, and he figured he'd rather her gentle tone over anyone else's.

"You win?" He mumbled, feeling her weight dip down on the bed next to him.

"Course we did." She let out a soft chuckle, and he knew she was smirking, but just the thought of opening his eyes made him feel queasy. "You feeling any better?"

"No." One of his hands was curled in his hair, gripping the strands tightly as the other pressed into his forehead, his eyes buried in the crook of his elbow. Her hand came to rest on top of the one in his hair, gently prying his fingers so they relaxed.

His head was pounding so hard that he could barely concentrate on her actions or her words. The constant throbbing that was so relentless and never ending, he thought he heard Natasha say shower, but he had no idea whether she meant herself or him. Even trying to figure out which she meant made him feel even worse.

"Tasha." He groaned, tilting his head just enough so she could see his face. It had paled, a slight greenish tint to his skin. She knew what was about to happen, and she would prefer if it wasn't all over the bedroom. "Okay, come on. Up you get." She supported him as she pulled him out of bed, his eyes screwed shut, his balance completely off centre as she half dragged him into the bathroom. He was supporting his own weight, but he wasn't moving without any prompting, resulting in her having to pull him the short distance to the bathroom, trying to gently ease him to the ground in front of the toilet. She rubbed his back with one hand as he threw up, sending Bruce a text asking for some medicine, because seeing Steve like this hurt her. "You're okay honey." She cooed softly, letting him fall into her when he was done, his head buried in her neck. His whimpers were quiet, but she knew how much pain he was in, and as much as she wanted to get off the floor of the bathroom, she knew she wouldn't be able to get him back up.

"Hey Nat." Bruce's whisper came from the door to the bathroom, and she turned her head slightly, giving him a smile. "Hey."

"Need a hand?" He asked, kneeling down on the floor next to them. Steve had barely registered that Bruce had appeared, still moaning into her shoulder. She let out an audible sigh, giving Bruce a grateful smile.

"Steve, honey, we're gonna get you back into bed." She said softly, placing her hand on his back and gesturing for Bruce to help get him up. With a great deal of effort, they got him off the floor and back into their bed, and as they placed him onto the bed gently, he curled up into as small a ball as his massive frame would allow. "I know honey. I know." She sat next to him, brushing her hand over his shoulder. She looked over to Bruce, and he handed her a small pill.

"It'll help him. I promise." He smiled softly, giving her shoulder a squeeze before making his exit, leaving them alone.

"Steve, I need you to sit up." She kept her voice quiet, trying to coax him upright. He whined in response, curling into himself further. "I promise sweetheart, you can go to sleep after this."

He stretched his legs out slightly, giving her the indication that he was willing to move, so she manoeuvred him up, ignoring his little whines and groans. He looked at her through hooded lids as she got the glass of water off the nightstand. She handed him the pill, placing it into his hand and watching as he tossed it into his mouth, letting her tip the glass to his lips. He curled back into a ball when he was done, and she smiled softly at him.

"Go to sleep now Steve. I'm gonna have a shower." She pressed a kiss to his forehead before, getting up, fully intent on leaving him be for a while.

"Stay." His mumble was barely audible, but she heard it anyway. Letting out a soft chuckle, she sat back down on the bed and laid her hand over his. "I stink Steve."

"Tash." He moaned, and she couldn't refuse his sad little groan, so she walked around to the other side of the bed, crawling in and wrapping him in her arms. He buried his head into her chest, so she threaded her fingers through his hair, trying to lull him to sleep. His small little whimpers broke her heart as she held him close to her. "Sleep now Steve. I'll be here when you wake up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I’ll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.


End file.
